"Work like you don't need the money" ...
It is a good thought. But I must admit now that the end of the month has arrived, my head is 'all about the numbers' this morning.
How will I fare on a part time wage? How is stat holiday pay calculated? Will I be disciplined enough to save holiday day as it is paid out on each pay cheque? What will my pay cheque be??? I must wait a week before I get an answer to all of these pressing questions.
Will I be working at all over the Christmas break? If not, that is two weeks of unpaid vacation. Vacation - I like. Unpaid? I can do it, but I'd rather not.
I have been spending cautiously this month. Not an all-out spending freeze, but we are definitely not replacing or fixing 'that which is broken' around here. The list is growing.
I'm adding things up and things look like they should be fine for December. It is January that concerns me ...
Things can change in a moment. One full-time, temporary position could alleviate this pay-day-stress. I'll take temporary ... I'll take working every day at a different school if I must. I just wish I knew what my pay cheque was going to look like for the next few months.
This is not new. This is how I have lived most of the past 13 years. But this is the first time that I have felt like I have no control over the outcome of my pay cheque. I just have to keep saying "Yes!" to every opportunity to work, cross my fingers and hope for the best.
Now it is time to get out there and earn my keep.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Then ... I Went Dancing
Not to be undone by a day that had the means to undo me, I pushed myself out of the house, out of my comfort zone and into brand new territory ... and went to a bar that offered free dance lessons.
A friend and I have been talking (but not doing anything) about this for some time. Last night we forged ahead with our plans and went.
We got there early and at first glance it appeared that there were several men and a few couples in our midst. Then the dance lesson started ... and the men cleared out.
It was all couples. No spare dance partners. My friend said to me, "It's a couple's world ..."
I hate to admit defeat (again!), but it appears that she may be right. I just want to dance. I don't need a pro-dancer. I just want some one who enjoys music, has fun dancing and is willing to try.
I woke up this morning determined to take out an advertisement "Dance Partner Wanted". I don't need or want the complications of anything more ... but it is getting tougher and tougher to grin and bear it.
I am so tired. Tired of fighting these waves on my own. Tired of sitting out when all I want to do is dance.
It is no wonder I sleep all of the time.
A friend and I have been talking (but not doing anything) about this for some time. Last night we forged ahead with our plans and went.
We got there early and at first glance it appeared that there were several men and a few couples in our midst. Then the dance lesson started ... and the men cleared out.
It was all couples. No spare dance partners. My friend said to me, "It's a couple's world ..."
I hate to admit defeat (again!), but it appears that she may be right. I just want to dance. I don't need a pro-dancer. I just want some one who enjoys music, has fun dancing and is willing to try.
I woke up this morning determined to take out an advertisement "Dance Partner Wanted". I don't need or want the complications of anything more ... but it is getting tougher and tougher to grin and bear it.
I am so tired. Tired of fighting these waves on my own. Tired of sitting out when all I want to do is dance.
It is no wonder I sleep all of the time.
Treading Water
I've been trying to turn this 'subbing' gig into an adventure. Truly, I have!!
As much as I love being able to work in one school for days or weeks at a time, when I get called into a new school unexpectedly I think of it as another brand new slate. A new school to check out. Meeting new people. Having the opportunity to see how other school offices operate. Another school to circle on my city/school map as a school-that-I-have-worked-at.
Yesterday, I was backing out of the garage when my phone rang. Change of plans. I would be going to a different school than I thought I would be when I stepped out of the house. Oh well. An adventure!
Since I got the call late, I arrived a few minutes late. I called in to the 'Help Desk' to advise them of the last minute change and they couldn't do anything for me because it would be undone at 8:30. Just wait. I waited. An hour later, nothing worked. I called again. They had no record that my school destination had changed ....
So once again ... I was working without the programs that I needed to do my job. I couldn't print off a class list for a substitute teacher. Not only because my computer program was not functioning yet ... but because I had no idea where the photocopy machine was. I am (just now) finding out the limitations of my email program ...
I rolled with the punches. Did what I could. Smiled and introduced myself to the staff as they came into the office.
Then I accidentally grabbed an extra sheet of paper off of the printer when I took what I had printed. When I realized my error, I delivered it to the correct person ... but only after the words (something to the effect of) "employee appraisal" crossed my vision. Shortly thereafter, the principal mentioned the need to rectify an oversight (the substitute that didn't have a class list) earlier in the morning and reference was made to reporting to the person that hired me.
Whoa! Suddenly, I felt stripped of any false security that I had been faking this past month (or three). I am working without a net. I am on my own. No one has my back until they hire me in a permanent position.
Today, I am headed off to work at a school where I will be on my own. For the better part of three weeks. I know where I'm going. I may not know what I'm doing when I get there, but computer programs should be up and running since I am going where I am supposed to go today.
Then (minutes ago) the phone rang. The automatic dispatch system called me to the school I worked at yesterday. I refused the assignment because there is no one else at the school that I have already been assigned to today. I felt guilty refusing an assignment but there were no live people to talk to so I called and left messages with those that I thought this affected.
Three weeks at one school. Three weeks of (hopefully) no last minute changes.
I am desperately trying to make the best of the situation that I am in. It isn't easy, but I am doing my best. I feel like I'm walking a tightrope without a net. That has never been one of my strong points.
It feels like a sink or swim situation. I can swim. I just need lessons!
As much as I love being able to work in one school for days or weeks at a time, when I get called into a new school unexpectedly I think of it as another brand new slate. A new school to check out. Meeting new people. Having the opportunity to see how other school offices operate. Another school to circle on my city/school map as a school-that-I-have-worked-at.
Yesterday, I was backing out of the garage when my phone rang. Change of plans. I would be going to a different school than I thought I would be when I stepped out of the house. Oh well. An adventure!
Since I got the call late, I arrived a few minutes late. I called in to the 'Help Desk' to advise them of the last minute change and they couldn't do anything for me because it would be undone at 8:30. Just wait. I waited. An hour later, nothing worked. I called again. They had no record that my school destination had changed ....
So once again ... I was working without the programs that I needed to do my job. I couldn't print off a class list for a substitute teacher. Not only because my computer program was not functioning yet ... but because I had no idea where the photocopy machine was. I am (just now) finding out the limitations of my email program ...
I rolled with the punches. Did what I could. Smiled and introduced myself to the staff as they came into the office.
Then I accidentally grabbed an extra sheet of paper off of the printer when I took what I had printed. When I realized my error, I delivered it to the correct person ... but only after the words (something to the effect of) "employee appraisal" crossed my vision. Shortly thereafter, the principal mentioned the need to rectify an oversight (the substitute that didn't have a class list) earlier in the morning and reference was made to reporting to the person that hired me.
Whoa! Suddenly, I felt stripped of any false security that I had been faking this past month (or three). I am working without a net. I am on my own. No one has my back until they hire me in a permanent position.
Today, I am headed off to work at a school where I will be on my own. For the better part of three weeks. I know where I'm going. I may not know what I'm doing when I get there, but computer programs should be up and running since I am going where I am supposed to go today.
Then (minutes ago) the phone rang. The automatic dispatch system called me to the school I worked at yesterday. I refused the assignment because there is no one else at the school that I have already been assigned to today. I felt guilty refusing an assignment but there were no live people to talk to so I called and left messages with those that I thought this affected.
Three weeks at one school. Three weeks of (hopefully) no last minute changes.
I am desperately trying to make the best of the situation that I am in. It isn't easy, but I am doing my best. I feel like I'm walking a tightrope without a net. That has never been one of my strong points.
It feels like a sink or swim situation. I can swim. I just need lessons!
Monday, November 28, 2011
A Quiet Weekend at Home
It was a productive weekend. Or so I thought, until I sat down and thought about what I had accomplished.
I did start and complete a few small projects. I have followed through on a few of my Christmas goals. I have issued an invitation and accepted another.
I talked with a few people on the phone. I ran one quick errand.
I cooked two meals yesterday! Hey ... on further thought, we didn't eat out all weekend so I must have scavenged for food around here Friday and Saturday too.
I finished a few crossword puzzles. I sent off a handful of emails. I wrote a letter. I read two pages in a book ...
Why do I feel like I accomplished so much, when in reality all I did was putter?
Because I used to putter constantly. I propelled myself through a day by continually moving and doing. Something. Anything.
Moving through a day in a state of perpetual motion feels good. Things get done.
This weekend, very little interrupted the slow and quiet flow of my days.
It felt wonderful to be home. To stay home. To know that I didn't need to be running here and there.
I was quiet. I wrote a little, thought a little and talked a little. But for the most part, thoughts simply flowed in and out of my head like a quiet breeze.
I didn't have to 'be' anything to anyone.
My Youngest and I quietly co-existed in the house all weekend. We chatted a little now and again. I invited him to come and watch a movie with me Saturday night but he declined. He needs very little from me these days ... but it feels good to quietly share the same space. In peace and harmony.
This past weekend was idyllic. As were the weekends preceding it. In reflecting, my weekends seem to be a continual state of movement. I have been so busy with 'being', 'doing' and 'going' that I haven't had time to appreciate the simplicity of just being home.
Working outside of my home five days a week, working in and around people all day, learning new faces and a new job is exhausting. I haven't had the energy nor ambition to push myself out of my comfort zone after work. Because I am 'there' all day. Friends and family have rallied at my side. I have not walked this path alone.
So this past weekend of (almost) solitude ... was just what the doctor ordered. I thoroughly enjoyed the simple pleasure of a quiet weekend at home.
I did start and complete a few small projects. I have followed through on a few of my Christmas goals. I have issued an invitation and accepted another.
I talked with a few people on the phone. I ran one quick errand.
I cooked two meals yesterday! Hey ... on further thought, we didn't eat out all weekend so I must have scavenged for food around here Friday and Saturday too.
I finished a few crossword puzzles. I sent off a handful of emails. I wrote a letter. I read two pages in a book ...
Why do I feel like I accomplished so much, when in reality all I did was putter?
Because I used to putter constantly. I propelled myself through a day by continually moving and doing. Something. Anything.
Moving through a day in a state of perpetual motion feels good. Things get done.
This weekend, very little interrupted the slow and quiet flow of my days.
It felt wonderful to be home. To stay home. To know that I didn't need to be running here and there.
I was quiet. I wrote a little, thought a little and talked a little. But for the most part, thoughts simply flowed in and out of my head like a quiet breeze.
I didn't have to 'be' anything to anyone.
My Youngest and I quietly co-existed in the house all weekend. We chatted a little now and again. I invited him to come and watch a movie with me Saturday night but he declined. He needs very little from me these days ... but it feels good to quietly share the same space. In peace and harmony.
This past weekend was idyllic. As were the weekends preceding it. In reflecting, my weekends seem to be a continual state of movement. I have been so busy with 'being', 'doing' and 'going' that I haven't had time to appreciate the simplicity of just being home.
Working outside of my home five days a week, working in and around people all day, learning new faces and a new job is exhausting. I haven't had the energy nor ambition to push myself out of my comfort zone after work. Because I am 'there' all day. Friends and family have rallied at my side. I have not walked this path alone.
So this past weekend of (almost) solitude ... was just what the doctor ordered. I thoroughly enjoyed the simple pleasure of a quiet weekend at home.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
My Hands Will be Empty ... But My Heart Will be Full
Christmas. I am feeling oddly unaffected by the upcoming stresses of the season, because I am shifting my focus this year.
Random acts of kindness, giving in ways I haven't given before and looking outside of my friend and family circle to find alternate ways of gifting, has relieved the pressure of trying to find the perfect gift that represents the gratitude that I feel for having that person in my life. Once I closed my eyes to the materialism and opened them to looking at alternatives, I felt a part of me come to life.
In this day and age, there are truly very few people that I know that are in dire need. I am one of them. I want for absolutely nothing in my life. I have the ability to indulge in not only necessities ... but many frivolous items. It kind of makes me crazy to think that someone has spent their hard earned (or saved or borrowed) cash on something that may end up collecting dust in my home.
I look at the material gifts that are collecting in my home and it seems like such a waste. How do I make this stop without telling those who gave so generously that though the gesture is fully appreciated, the gift is unnecessary (and there are so many other ways their money could have been utilized ...)?
I must set out early and let those that are on the list that I would dearly love to give to, that a gift will not be forthcoming this year. Instead, I will open my eyes and heart to those who will never know what I may have done on their behalf.
The magic is in keeping the details to myself. I want to be Santa this year. An anonymous, mysterious figure who only exists in the hearts of those who 'believe'. I will still buy for My Youngest ... but I would like to donate the rest of my budgeted Christmas funds to my 'Santa Goal'.
I would like to enact a NO-GIFT policy to those who have given to me in the past.
Instead, I would like for them to take what they may have spent to treat themselves to an indulgence. Whether it is to treat themselves to a cup of coffee ... an afternoon at the movies ... a day with friends ... a dance lesson … a book … or getting their hair done. I would ask them to indulge themselves to anything that brings happiness to their heart.
If they find that in the act of being kind to themselves, they have more to give … commit random acts of kindness. Listen with their heart to hear of those who need a helping hand and give what you may have to offer. Whether it is a material or emotional need that they discover, follow their instincts and reach out in the spirit of the season.
I will look for ways to continue this trend long past the Christmas season. When the opportunity arises, I hope to find ways of acting on giving simple pleasures all year through.
This is a long, convoluted way of saying when I see you throughout this holiday season my hands will be empty but my heart will be full.
Random acts of kindness, giving in ways I haven't given before and looking outside of my friend and family circle to find alternate ways of gifting, has relieved the pressure of trying to find the perfect gift that represents the gratitude that I feel for having that person in my life. Once I closed my eyes to the materialism and opened them to looking at alternatives, I felt a part of me come to life.
In this day and age, there are truly very few people that I know that are in dire need. I am one of them. I want for absolutely nothing in my life. I have the ability to indulge in not only necessities ... but many frivolous items. It kind of makes me crazy to think that someone has spent their hard earned (or saved or borrowed) cash on something that may end up collecting dust in my home.
I look at the material gifts that are collecting in my home and it seems like such a waste. How do I make this stop without telling those who gave so generously that though the gesture is fully appreciated, the gift is unnecessary (and there are so many other ways their money could have been utilized ...)?
I must set out early and let those that are on the list that I would dearly love to give to, that a gift will not be forthcoming this year. Instead, I will open my eyes and heart to those who will never know what I may have done on their behalf.
The magic is in keeping the details to myself. I want to be Santa this year. An anonymous, mysterious figure who only exists in the hearts of those who 'believe'. I will still buy for My Youngest ... but I would like to donate the rest of my budgeted Christmas funds to my 'Santa Goal'.
I would like to enact a NO-GIFT policy to those who have given to me in the past.
Instead, I would like for them to take what they may have spent to treat themselves to an indulgence. Whether it is to treat themselves to a cup of coffee ... an afternoon at the movies ... a day with friends ... a dance lesson … a book … or getting their hair done. I would ask them to indulge themselves to anything that brings happiness to their heart.
If they find that in the act of being kind to themselves, they have more to give … commit random acts of kindness. Listen with their heart to hear of those who need a helping hand and give what you may have to offer. Whether it is a material or emotional need that they discover, follow their instincts and reach out in the spirit of the season.
The gift of ‘you’ is all that I could ever want
The gift of your caring, sharing, understanding and compassion is all that I need.
In this season of giving, if I am (or ever have been) on your gift list,
I have but one small request:
Please pay it forward.
Look for ways to spend your time and money
in ways that have significant value to you … or someone in need.
I will look for ways to continue this trend long past the Christmas season. When the opportunity arises, I hope to find ways of acting on giving simple pleasures all year through.
This is a long, convoluted way of saying when I see you throughout this holiday season my hands will be empty but my heart will be full.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Code of Conduct
Yesterday, I had time on my hands to research the school that I will be working at for the next three weeks. I perused their website, current newsletter and student handbook. There was a wealth of general information available and I was able to get a feel for the school I will soon be working at.
This school belongs to the "League of Peaceful Schools" where moral values are emphasized, teaching empathy, self-control and respect for all.
I was intrigued. I believe that the peace within our community/nation/world begins at home. If children are taught methods of resolving issues without the use of violence, coercion or bullying tactics at home, they have a better chance of utilizing those tools once they are out in the real world.
When the school system is dedicated to peaceful resolution of behavioural issues, it gives our next generation the best chance they have to learn the tools to create a peaceful environment. I admit that the school system is up against incredible odds, when children already come equipped with varying backgrounds, morals, behaviour issues and have already learned their own set of problem-solving-techniques.
But when I see and hear teachers consistently treating students fairly, I continue to believe that these students are still given the opportunity to see that the goal of peaceful resolution to problems is something to strive towards.
I continued my journey through the student handbook and found their Code of Conduct, based on the FISH! Philosophy (based on the DVD "FISH! : Catch the energy, release the potential"). I read the four simple practises that encompass the meaning of this philosophy and I thought it was a most perfect way to encompass good living no matter what your age (slightly adapted from the original FISH! Philosophy, so they apply to the students):
Choose Your Attitude - I love this one. It is not what happens to you in life, it is how you react to it. Your reaction is a choice that you make. Make choices you can live with. Choose a positive attitude.
Make Someone's Day - The best way to have a great day is to do a good deed, pay someone a compliment, commit random acts of kindness and envelope the spirit of giving. Helping to make someone's day always makes my day brighter.
Play - This is one that I often forget. Take time to laugh, to be joyful, to indulge yourself in that which makes you happy. Watch children playing independently. Watch their expressions, listen to their laughter. Take time to play and rediscover your inner child.
I have often read that "Everything I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten". It's never too late to learn. I am encouraged to find these philosophies enveloped in our school system.
I knew that I wanted to go back to school. Little did I know how much there was to learn in the Elementary grade levels!
This school belongs to the "League of Peaceful Schools" where moral values are emphasized, teaching empathy, self-control and respect for all.
I was intrigued. I believe that the peace within our community/nation/world begins at home. If children are taught methods of resolving issues without the use of violence, coercion or bullying tactics at home, they have a better chance of utilizing those tools once they are out in the real world.
When the school system is dedicated to peaceful resolution of behavioural issues, it gives our next generation the best chance they have to learn the tools to create a peaceful environment. I admit that the school system is up against incredible odds, when children already come equipped with varying backgrounds, morals, behaviour issues and have already learned their own set of problem-solving-techniques.
But when I see and hear teachers consistently treating students fairly, I continue to believe that these students are still given the opportunity to see that the goal of peaceful resolution to problems is something to strive towards.
I continued my journey through the student handbook and found their Code of Conduct, based on the FISH! Philosophy (based on the DVD "FISH! : Catch the energy, release the potential"). I read the four simple practises that encompass the meaning of this philosophy and I thought it was a most perfect way to encompass good living no matter what your age (slightly adapted from the original FISH! Philosophy, so they apply to the students):
- Be There
- Choose Your Attitude
- Make Someone's Day
- Play
Choose Your Attitude - I love this one. It is not what happens to you in life, it is how you react to it. Your reaction is a choice that you make. Make choices you can live with. Choose a positive attitude.
Make Someone's Day - The best way to have a great day is to do a good deed, pay someone a compliment, commit random acts of kindness and envelope the spirit of giving. Helping to make someone's day always makes my day brighter.
Play - This is one that I often forget. Take time to laugh, to be joyful, to indulge yourself in that which makes you happy. Watch children playing independently. Watch their expressions, listen to their laughter. Take time to play and rediscover your inner child.
I have often read that "Everything I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten". It's never too late to learn. I am encouraged to find these philosophies enveloped in our school system.
I knew that I wanted to go back to school. Little did I know how much there was to learn in the Elementary grade levels!
Friday, November 25, 2011
The Gift is in the Giving
Thoughts are many ... but words are few this morning. It is a morning where small miracles are at the forefront of my mind.
Simple things like:
The state of living an expected life can change in a moment. I will appreciate what I have, while I have it ... and do my best to share what I have to give.
I have a lot left over at the end of a day. It is time to push myself out of what is easy and do something with the excess.
The true gift is in the giving.
Simple things like:
- Waking up to a day where I have the luxury of living a day that is not unlike most of the days that preceded it.
- A day blessed by good health and the health and happiness of my loved ones.
- Feeling safe, happy, secure and content not only in my home and within my family ... but a general sense of feeling good about where I am 'at' in this world.
- Being in a position to 'give'. As this Christmas season rolls around, I am thinking less of buying presents and more about giving.
The state of living an expected life can change in a moment. I will appreciate what I have, while I have it ... and do my best to share what I have to give.
I have a lot left over at the end of a day. It is time to push myself out of what is easy and do something with the excess.
The true gift is in the giving.
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