I don't think that he realizes the impact that he makes on the people he meets in a day ...
He looks you in the eye when you speak. He responds to your emotions when he writes. He encourages and supports. He treats everything that lives with kindness and respect.
I have never heard him say an unkind word about another person. He may acknowledge 'the way things were' and speak of them ... but it is done with such kindness and tact, that his words would not harm those of whom he speaks.
He has a wealth of knowledge. He is educated and was an educator for most of his career ... yet when he speaks to you, you feel as though you are his equal (or better).
He downplays all that he has accomplished with his life. I feel that I only know one small piece of him. If he makes me feel the way that I do each and every time we touch base ... I must multiply that by the thousands of other lives that he has touched to even come close to knowing the difference he has made in this world.
He is my dad's brother. My uncle. He fulfills the part of me that longs to hear what Dad may have thought at pivotal times in my life.
He is one of my greatest gifts. He believes that I am better than I am ... so that is who I strive to be.
"Thank you, Harold! You mean the world to me."
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
In Search of the Goldilocks Zone
I'm yearning for that 'juuuust right' feeling in my days. A balance between work and leisure. I don't know quite how to achieve that when I never know what to expect of a day.
January has not been a profitable month as a substitute. I have been warned that February could be much the same. I have been given some hope that job postings start coming up from March to June, so there could be a time in my future when I get to work at the same school for months on end. That would be heavenly.
So, I should be making the most of my days at home. If I am not working outside of my home, I should be working within the confines of my home.
The knowledge that I must respect my financial limitations is at the forefront of my mind. But it doesn't cost a penny to clean; to write; exercise; or take the dog for a walk. So why haven't I leaped at the opportunity that all of this time off has afforded me?? I have no excuse.
As I write, I am quite literally sitting on the edge of my seat. The phone could ring at any moment and change the outcome of my day. I am not in control of that. Today.
What I am in control of, is what I do with the hours between 8:00 and 4:00 if I am not called to work. I should earmark those hours as work hours, whether I am home or not. Eight hours of productivity. In some fashion. Any fashion! I should have something to show for my day whether or not it is driven by financial compensation.
Today. One day. What can I do to make the most of the hours that lie before me? How can I attain the balance that I crave to put myself back in the 'Goldilocks Zone'?
January has not been a profitable month as a substitute. I have been warned that February could be much the same. I have been given some hope that job postings start coming up from March to June, so there could be a time in my future when I get to work at the same school for months on end. That would be heavenly.
So, I should be making the most of my days at home. If I am not working outside of my home, I should be working within the confines of my home.
The knowledge that I must respect my financial limitations is at the forefront of my mind. But it doesn't cost a penny to clean; to write; exercise; or take the dog for a walk. So why haven't I leaped at the opportunity that all of this time off has afforded me?? I have no excuse.
As I write, I am quite literally sitting on the edge of my seat. The phone could ring at any moment and change the outcome of my day. I am not in control of that. Today.
What I am in control of, is what I do with the hours between 8:00 and 4:00 if I am not called to work. I should earmark those hours as work hours, whether I am home or not. Eight hours of productivity. In some fashion. Any fashion! I should have something to show for my day whether or not it is driven by financial compensation.
Today. One day. What can I do to make the most of the hours that lie before me? How can I attain the balance that I crave to put myself back in the 'Goldilocks Zone'?
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Horoscope for the Week
Once again, I found it interesting just how fitting my horoscope-for-the week is:
"The time is right to increase your income and broaden your horizons. You'll need to expand your reach in order to bring new opportunities into your realm. It is easiest to get to know people through work or school, though clubs, sports and online communities are also a viable option for social fun."
There is an interesting timeline unfolding today. I will elaborate as news progresses ...
"The time is right to increase your income and broaden your horizons. You'll need to expand your reach in order to bring new opportunities into your realm. It is easiest to get to know people through work or school, though clubs, sports and online communities are also a viable option for social fun."
There is an interesting timeline unfolding today. I will elaborate as news progresses ...
Pressing On!
The next time I come up with a 'great idea' ... I think I will keep it to myself!!
Announcing my intent to the world around me has made me accountable. If I had been quiet, I could have slipped the whole thing back into a closet, ignored it and just carried on with life-as-I-knew-it.
But, no. I felt obligated to follow through and push a little further out of my comfort zone. I was already uncomfortable. What harm is there in adding just a little more angst?
Squeamish as I may be about this discomfort, I know that it is a good thing. When things come easily, there is not the same appreciation. If you give up before you give it your all, you will never know what could have happened if you just kept persevering.
If you don't announce your intent to those around you, you are not accountable.
As Walt Disney said, "The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."
Thoughtful pause ... as I think of the 'Disney World' in my mind and my habitual references to the Disney cartoon characters that I relate and refer to, in my writing:
So ... I shall press on. I will keep dreaming, but work hard enough at 'real life' to keep my feet on the ground and in the direction that I need to go. Dreams can make wishes come true ...
Announcing my intent to the world around me has made me accountable. If I had been quiet, I could have slipped the whole thing back into a closet, ignored it and just carried on with life-as-I-knew-it.
But, no. I felt obligated to follow through and push a little further out of my comfort zone. I was already uncomfortable. What harm is there in adding just a little more angst?
Squeamish as I may be about this discomfort, I know that it is a good thing. When things come easily, there is not the same appreciation. If you give up before you give it your all, you will never know what could have happened if you just kept persevering.
If you don't announce your intent to those around you, you are not accountable.
As Walt Disney said, "The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing."
Thoughtful pause ... as I think of the 'Disney World' in my mind and my habitual references to the Disney cartoon characters that I relate and refer to, in my writing:
- Cinderella http://colleen-lifeasiknowit.blogspot.com/2010/10/cinderella-kind-of-day.html
- Evil Step Sister Feet http://colleen-lifeasiknowit.blogspot.com/2010/11/day-like-no-other.html
- Bambi http://colleen-lifeasiknowit.blogspot.com/2011/06/country-drive.html
- An Enchanted Forest http://colleen-lifeasiknowit.blogspot.com/2010/11/day-like-no-other.html
- Princesses & Glass Slippers http://colleen-lifeasiknowit.blogspot.com/2009/11/my-inner-child.html
- Fairy Godmother http://colleen-lifeasiknowit.blogspot.com/2009/10/dreams-do-make-wishes-come-true.html
- Happily Ever After http://colleen-lifeasiknowit.blogspot.com/2011/04/happily-ever-after.html
So ... I shall press on. I will keep dreaming, but work hard enough at 'real life' to keep my feet on the ground and in the direction that I need to go. Dreams can make wishes come true ...
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Holding Pattern
It feels like life has been put on 'pause' for the moment. There are several doors ajar. I have stepped through several. I have peeked into a few. I have walked through some and stopped dead in my tracks. I have stopped moving forward.
What is wrong with me??
I am fearful. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid of success. I am becoming afraid to try. I am afraid of not living up to my own expectations.
I am making excuses. I hear the thoughts in my head and I am trying to justify why I am sitting around wasting my days. I hear what I am saying out loud and I hear excuses.
This state of inertia is paralyzing. I have the ability to move. Yet ... here I sit.
Every single time I start to feel powerless over a situation, I come to this same place. When I examine what I do have control over and start to make forward moves in some direction, that the feelings of powerlessness start to dissipate.
It is time. Time to sit down and list all that is plaguing my thoughts. Time to conquer that which can be conquered. Let go of what cannot be done. Give an all out effort to that which I am passionate about. And let the rest all fall into place.
It all boils down to the Serenity Prayer:
Amen.
What is wrong with me??
I am fearful. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid of success. I am becoming afraid to try. I am afraid of not living up to my own expectations.
I am making excuses. I hear the thoughts in my head and I am trying to justify why I am sitting around wasting my days. I hear what I am saying out loud and I hear excuses.
This state of inertia is paralyzing. I have the ability to move. Yet ... here I sit.
Every single time I start to feel powerless over a situation, I come to this same place. When I examine what I do have control over and start to make forward moves in some direction, that the feelings of powerlessness start to dissipate.
It is time. Time to sit down and list all that is plaguing my thoughts. Time to conquer that which can be conquered. Let go of what cannot be done. Give an all out effort to that which I am passionate about. And let the rest all fall into place.
It all boils down to the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.
Friday, January 27, 2012
City Streets
One of the advantages of working in numerous schools throughout the city is I have driven to places that I have never been before.
I'm a creature of habit. As a rule, I take the same route to the same destination time and time again. I don't have an adventuresome spirit when it comes from getting from Point A to Point B.
Add to that, the fact that my destinations don't vary a lot ... and you can imagine how few city streets I have driven down over the course of the 24 years we have lived here. It's embarrassing.
Lately, I have been called to work at schools across the city. My aunt and uncle live in that neck of the woods and I had vague memories of their neighborhood from when I was a child. These memories snap, crackle and pop to life when I drive down those roads.
I was a naive country girl, so those city-memories stood out from the rest. Those city streets that hold some memories from my childhood ...
One time, we took a city bus and we went down town to see a movie. Just us kids! Granted, there were a bunch of us and my older cousin was with us ... but I still couldn't believe that we were given such independence. I'd never ridden a city bus before that day. I doubt that I'd ever been further than that corner candy store of theirs, without a parent at my side.
We walked to the outdoor swimming pool in their neighborhood. Once again ... there was a big group of us. I believe I was a little older by this time. It's just another one of those memories that stands out because it was so out of the norm for me.
But one thing that we must have done with some sort of regularity (when we came to visit our big-city cousins), was walk to their corner store and buy a treat. I can picture Dad digging through his pocket to hand out some of his change ...
I can picture those summer days ... walking past their neighbors. Their neighbors called them by name and their was a sense of security as we meandered down the quiet street that took us to the store.
I remember the stores on that corner. I can picture us walking home with those much anticipated treats in our hands. Those hazy, crazy days of summer. Light hearted childhood memories ...
I worked at a school this week where I drove past those corner stores that hold a fragment of my childhood within them.
As I drove to work ... then home again ... and was called back to work at that same school the next day and drove past that corner two more times, I wistfully thought to myself 'Who would have guessed that I would be driving past this corner that held such light and easy memories from my childhood over 40 years later?'
The idea of me moving to this particular city in my adulthood was not in the cards for me. Originally, we lived on a farm an hour or so southeast of this city. We moved in a huge metropolis five hours to the west of here when I was nine years old. I thought that I had packed my bags and moved out of this province permanently.
So I get a happy little thrill when I drive on these streets filled with carefree memories of a childhood well spent. Just one more way in which I feel that I have come home again.
I'm a creature of habit. As a rule, I take the same route to the same destination time and time again. I don't have an adventuresome spirit when it comes from getting from Point A to Point B.
Add to that, the fact that my destinations don't vary a lot ... and you can imagine how few city streets I have driven down over the course of the 24 years we have lived here. It's embarrassing.
Lately, I have been called to work at schools across the city. My aunt and uncle live in that neck of the woods and I had vague memories of their neighborhood from when I was a child. These memories snap, crackle and pop to life when I drive down those roads.
I was a naive country girl, so those city-memories stood out from the rest. Those city streets that hold some memories from my childhood ...
One time, we took a city bus and we went down town to see a movie. Just us kids! Granted, there were a bunch of us and my older cousin was with us ... but I still couldn't believe that we were given such independence. I'd never ridden a city bus before that day. I doubt that I'd ever been further than that corner candy store of theirs, without a parent at my side.
We walked to the outdoor swimming pool in their neighborhood. Once again ... there was a big group of us. I believe I was a little older by this time. It's just another one of those memories that stands out because it was so out of the norm for me.
But one thing that we must have done with some sort of regularity (when we came to visit our big-city cousins), was walk to their corner store and buy a treat. I can picture Dad digging through his pocket to hand out some of his change ...
I can picture those summer days ... walking past their neighbors. Their neighbors called them by name and their was a sense of security as we meandered down the quiet street that took us to the store.
I remember the stores on that corner. I can picture us walking home with those much anticipated treats in our hands. Those hazy, crazy days of summer. Light hearted childhood memories ...
I worked at a school this week where I drove past those corner stores that hold a fragment of my childhood within them.
As I drove to work ... then home again ... and was called back to work at that same school the next day and drove past that corner two more times, I wistfully thought to myself 'Who would have guessed that I would be driving past this corner that held such light and easy memories from my childhood over 40 years later?'
The idea of me moving to this particular city in my adulthood was not in the cards for me. Originally, we lived on a farm an hour or so southeast of this city. We moved in a huge metropolis five hours to the west of here when I was nine years old. I thought that I had packed my bags and moved out of this province permanently.
So I get a happy little thrill when I drive on these streets filled with carefree memories of a childhood well spent. Just one more way in which I feel that I have come home again.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Tag On
"... & Colleen"
My name has been added onto the end of a note &/or gift twice, within a five day span.
I tagged along with a friend on a feel-good mission. It was her idea. She amassed a gift bag, a gift basket and thoughtful words in the enclosed cards. She asked if I would mind going along with her to drop them off and stop by to visit the lucky recipients. Of course I said 'yes' ... and because of that one-word answer, she added my name onto the gifts that were her idea, her generosity and her words. My part of that gift? I drove.
Another friend came up with the perfect gift idea for the above mentioned friend. I complimented her on her perfect and most thoughtful choice. She asked me if I would like to pitch in towards the cost. Of course I said 'yes' ... and because of that one-word response, she added my name onto the gift tag (that was her idea and personally chosen by her as well). My part? A little bit of cash.
I have been out for supper with the above mentioned friends twice in this same five-day period.
Friend number one has had to make more decisions than any daughter ever hopes to make for their parents. She had one small request for me. "You can choose the restaurant ..." She was tired of thinking. Of making decisions.
I didn't really know where we were headed when we left. But I thought we'd stumble across the perfect spot in our travels. Well, our travels took us by a McDonald's, (what felt like) a bazillion take-out spots (my friend's only request was that we sit down and have someone take our order and serve us) and back by the same McDonald's. Only to decide to go to the restaurant that she suggested in the first place (when I thought I was about to take a wrong turn).
Five days later, we were taking this same friend out for her Birthday Supper. Once again. She just asked one small favor. "You guys choose ..."
Well? Friend #2 had a most excellent suggestion. But it is a restaurant that has a reputation of being 'loud' which makes it hard to visit. So I suggested an alternate. It was Friend #1 that suggested the restaurant that we finally ended up going to (after she heard that the prices at the restaurant that I suggested had gone through the roof after their latest renovations).
Once again, my friend who simply asked for nothing more than 'not having to make a choice' helped us to decide on the perfect dining spot. Once again ... all I did was tag along.
Where has my ability to act on my own thoughts gone?
I admit that my role of last-minute calls to work; not knowing what the next day will bring; working at new schools and with new people five days out of seven is taking its toll (as I wrote that sentence, the phone rang and announced the fate of my day ... I get to go to one of my favorite schools this afternoon!).
I know that I have nothing to complain about. That which drains my energy these days, is something that I have some control over. I could search for and find another job which would provide me with stability of income and knowing what the next day could bring. This is a pretty minor inconvenience in the whole scheme of things. I know that.
In the mean time I just hope that people don't mind if I tag along for the ride for a while. My energy is still here. I am drawing on it for other purposes at the moment.
I will be back. I am still here. I'm just "... & Colleen" on the days when someone graciously takes over the thinking part of a decision for me.
My name has been added onto the end of a note &/or gift twice, within a five day span.
I tagged along with a friend on a feel-good mission. It was her idea. She amassed a gift bag, a gift basket and thoughtful words in the enclosed cards. She asked if I would mind going along with her to drop them off and stop by to visit the lucky recipients. Of course I said 'yes' ... and because of that one-word answer, she added my name onto the gifts that were her idea, her generosity and her words. My part of that gift? I drove.
Another friend came up with the perfect gift idea for the above mentioned friend. I complimented her on her perfect and most thoughtful choice. She asked me if I would like to pitch in towards the cost. Of course I said 'yes' ... and because of that one-word response, she added my name onto the gift tag (that was her idea and personally chosen by her as well). My part? A little bit of cash.
I have been out for supper with the above mentioned friends twice in this same five-day period.
Friend number one has had to make more decisions than any daughter ever hopes to make for their parents. She had one small request for me. "You can choose the restaurant ..." She was tired of thinking. Of making decisions.
I didn't really know where we were headed when we left. But I thought we'd stumble across the perfect spot in our travels. Well, our travels took us by a McDonald's, (what felt like) a bazillion take-out spots (my friend's only request was that we sit down and have someone take our order and serve us) and back by the same McDonald's. Only to decide to go to the restaurant that she suggested in the first place (when I thought I was about to take a wrong turn).
Five days later, we were taking this same friend out for her Birthday Supper. Once again. She just asked one small favor. "You guys choose ..."
Well? Friend #2 had a most excellent suggestion. But it is a restaurant that has a reputation of being 'loud' which makes it hard to visit. So I suggested an alternate. It was Friend #1 that suggested the restaurant that we finally ended up going to (after she heard that the prices at the restaurant that I suggested had gone through the roof after their latest renovations).
Once again, my friend who simply asked for nothing more than 'not having to make a choice' helped us to decide on the perfect dining spot. Once again ... all I did was tag along.
Where has my ability to act on my own thoughts gone?
I admit that my role of last-minute calls to work; not knowing what the next day will bring; working at new schools and with new people five days out of seven is taking its toll (as I wrote that sentence, the phone rang and announced the fate of my day ... I get to go to one of my favorite schools this afternoon!).
I know that I have nothing to complain about. That which drains my energy these days, is something that I have some control over. I could search for and find another job which would provide me with stability of income and knowing what the next day could bring. This is a pretty minor inconvenience in the whole scheme of things. I know that.
In the mean time I just hope that people don't mind if I tag along for the ride for a while. My energy is still here. I am drawing on it for other purposes at the moment.
I will be back. I am still here. I'm just "... & Colleen" on the days when someone graciously takes over the thinking part of a decision for me.
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