Holding Pattern

It feels like life has been put on 'pause' for the moment. There are several doors ajar. I have stepped through several. I have peeked into a few. I have walked through some and stopped dead in my tracks. I have stopped moving forward.

What is wrong with me??

I am fearful. I am afraid of failure. I am afraid of success. I am becoming afraid to try. I am afraid of not living up to my own expectations.

I am making excuses. I hear the thoughts in my head and I am trying to justify why I am sitting around wasting my days. I hear what I am saying out loud and I hear excuses.

This state of inertia is paralyzing. I have the ability to move. Yet ... here I sit.

Every single time I start to feel powerless over a situation, I come to this same place. When I examine what I do have control over and start to make forward moves in some direction, that the feelings of powerlessness start to dissipate.

It is time. Time to sit down and list all that is plaguing my thoughts. Time to conquer that which can be conquered. Let go of what cannot be done. Give an all out effort to that which I am passionate about. And let the rest all fall into place.

It all boils down to the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.