I filled myself up with inspiration and the words of my most favorite blog writer, book writer, public speaker and advocate for so many. Glennon Doyle Melton is truly my go-to person at the moment. She lifts me up, makes me feel okay to be imperfect and simply urges me to to "the next right thing". I like her.
After my Glennon fix, I wrote. It wasn't good. It was a collection of words that really didn't matter. But the thing I am discovering is if I allow myself to ramble there is often a small nugget of something that matters that hits the screen before I hit "Publish". My writing has really suffered this past long while. I have stopped writing what I've been thinking so much and for so long, that I think I may have stopped thinking. That is wrong. I still think. I have been conspiring. I've been creating an upcoming new season in my life and the writers are still out over "what happens next". I think it could be good though. Though I'm not excited, I am anticipating the change. Anticipation without dread is a very good spot when you are uprooting your life. I'll take quiet anticipation.
Then, I got up and did one small thing. Which led to several other small things. I took the mess which was our basement and made it ten times worse. Then my son asked me what he could do to help, so I sent him out to the garage to do a few tasks I have been putting off. I asked him to set up a few daycare items so I could photograph and measure them so I can list them on an auction site. I basically culled through all of my daycare excess and started the organization process to get everything I plan to sell ready for auction. It's a mess right now. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. This is one of those times. It is coming. But it hasn't happened yet. More anticipation.
A friend called when I was hitting my wind-down mode. I could have and should have kept going but I had hit a point where I could stop and talk with a friend. That is exactly what we did. For over two hours. I didn't have to leave the house, I didn't have to get cleaned up. I simply visited with a friend in the mess which was our home and took a break.
While we were talking, I assembled a meal out of leftovers. I had planned to run out to McDonald's as a reward for my productive day but I have a sore tooth and I really wanted something soft that didn't require a lot of chewing. So I ate a decent meal, wound down in front of the TV and revelled in several episodes of the Gilmore Girls and called it a day.
It was a boring little day but it was "the beginning of productive". Why I didn't start this mini productive spell at the onset of the weekend is anyone's guess. The honest answer is because I was feeling incredibly lazy. I keep telling myself I must have needed a few days of doing nothing because I did it so well. "Starting" is
half three quarters of the battle. I sit and think, then overthink, then convince myself the task set before me is undo-able before I talk myself out of starting, which then makes the starting process even harder.
I started by turning on the light and doing "the next right thing". I simply began. Following through is so much easier once the challenge of starting has been overcome. I have begun. I have a long way to go but I have started.
I have sixteen weeks before my daycare closes and I do not want to start the job of culling, selling and donating my excess when I am done. By the time this daycare is wound down, I want my slate almost clean. I want to start over without feeling bogged down by excess, things to be done and the feeling of being overwhelmed. Life has felt very "heavy" lately and by the look of what one day uncovered, I think I know why.
I want to lighten my load, literally and figuratively. I want to live a quiet, simple little life. A life that would fit into 500 square feet sounds very good right about now.