The Power of Puttering

I have had the happy pleasure of preparing for guests two weekends in a row. While this sets off a domino effect of panic transformed into productivity, the results are worth it in the end.

Cleaning is always top-of-mind and living with cats makes cleaning an endless and futile job. Vacuuming is the second last thing that gets done, followed by a shower and taming my hair. Once I get my hair washed, my company is usually due within the next hour or two.

But I digress. The reason for this post is due to a morning when I started to putter before I poured my second cup of coffee.

I thought I would bring out my Christmas decorations and bring a little light and joy into the room. I turned on some music and the rest is history ...

Dusting off the unused and neglected decorations brought old memories back to life in a magical way. Everything I touched had been gifted to me over the years. Old friendships, my daycaring days, my family, my dancing years, a handmade decoration from an old family friend which was given to Mom, a gift from my Secret Santa one year ... I thought of each person and the circumstances around receiving each gift as I placed them on my cat-proof "Christmas shelf":

The corner shelf, itself was Mom's. Mom was with me all day as I adorned her shelf the way most people decorate a tree. I served supper on her plates; we drank apple cider out of her crystal wine glasses; we had tea from her china tea cups; we sat in "her room" with our tea, after supper. 

At every turn throughout the day, I heard Mom's voice, felt her spirit and honored my memories of her as they washed through me.

Memories. We are so very fortunate when reminiscing brings about a feeling of peace. The ability to recall and remember is sometimes a privilege we don't have the ability to hold onto forever.

So why? Tell me why?? Why am I tamping down the good stuff? Why am I filling every void within my days and nights with streaming TV shows, podcasts and other people's words? 

It felt SO good to putter around the house with music playing in the background. Light and easy music which left lots of room in my head to think my own thoughts and remember as I touched my life up close and in a personal way.

I have cleaned enough to see beyond the surface dirt and cat hair to discover there is SO much more to be cleaned! I have emptied off enough surfaces to realize I am holding onto things that really don't matter. 

I have come a small way but there is so much further to go.

So why? Tell me why?? Did I wake up the next day and turn on the TV and lose yet another day after tending to only a few small tasks I had left over from the previous day? Why was it so tempting to turn on a podcast and play a mind-numbing word wipe game in the background instead of stopping here to spill some of my thoughts into the written word?

I must remember the Power of Puttering. The magic of music. 

May you find a little piece of yourself today. Tuning into music, turning off social media and scrolling, tend to one small pile that has been accumulating and allow yourself the freedom to putter. Listen to your thoughts, move your body, search for the little piece of serenity within that has been evading you lately.

That sounds bossy. You do "you". We all must do what we need to, to take the next forward step. But when you DO find a little piece of yourself somewhere along the way, stop and nurture the moment and if you can prolong it, try. Just try. 

Simplicity

Simplicity. Personally, I think that is at the core of my well being. To create a life where I don't fall into the trap of worrying about things I have no control over or that really don't matter in the whole scheme of things. 

Sounds simple.

Life is never as simple as one would hope. That's a good thing. We need contrasts in order to help recognize the goodness of overcoming life's challenges. 

Working from home creates a complexity under this roof which is hard to ignore. One thing I have done absolutely right is to enclose my work space within a room-with-a-door. Unfortunately, that very room looks like this at the moment. Every square inch of flat work space is covered with works-in-progress:

Even more unfortunate, is the "spillage" into other areas of the house:

 

Can I just say "Aaaaaaaack!!"

The hard question I must ask myself right now is "Am I running away from my overwhelmed life when I head out to my home-away-from-home?" or "Am I running toward a simpler life?"

A little of both.

I must contend with the excess under my home-at-home. A life of simplicity necessitates dealing with that which is weighing me down. I DID rehome an entire house worth of excess belongings. Now I must deal with my home office. Having an office which is overtaking our home is not my definition of a simple,well defined work space.

In the meantime, I will let Glennon Doyle's words guide me. Just keep going. I know her message is much deeper than dealing with an overwhelmed office. But it fits my state of mind when I enter the room that has the power to overwhelm me. 

This framed quote is the ONLY personal item within my home office. 

"Just keep going, please ..."

Less is Less

While going through the process of furnishing our new second home, I went through the house and sifted through excess and duplicate items. I culled all that was not being used and my clothes were not spared.

I now have spare hangers in my closet, more room in my drawers. Yet, when I read an article on "Wardrobe Declutter" this morning it was easy to see there is much more work to be done.

I hope the motivation I have found within my home-away-from home carries over to my home-at-home when I finally spend a weekend here. There is so much more work to be done. 

Living with "less" feels so much lighter. Literally.

I have been weighed down by life for longer than I can put my finger on. I keep thinking back to when it all began. I have been eating my way through my emotions for at least a decade. It is no wonder I had outgrown the larger sized jeans I bought before winter arrived this year.

Life has felt heavy.

Lightening the load around our home has lifted my spirits. Less? Is simply less. And it feels good. 

Closer ... yet so far to go

Weighed Down

"Random idea for you to think about ..."

These seven words changed my life. Perhaps the words that sealed the deal was my response seven minutes later. "I haven't even finished looking at [what they sent me to consider] but most definitely interested!"

The rest is history.

When that fateful message arrived early one Friday morning, I was contemplating my fate. I had offered up space in our home to house the contents of an office. At the same time, our basement was full to overflowing of belongings we no longer had any use for. All I wanted to do in that exact moment was to rid ourselves of the excess in the most expedient way I could find. 

The proposal was a partnership on a second home. A property instantly dubbed "The Cute House" caught our attention and wouldn't let go. It's a short story. That cute little property is now ours. We moved in last weekend. Those belongings that filled our basement? They furnished a house.

Yes. I had accumulated enough extra belongings to furnish a 897 sq ft, two bedroom house. Right down to the bedding, towels, kitchen needs and even offerings to "furnish" the back yard. All that was missing were kitchen chairs and a toaster. 

I spent a day culling through the excess of our home. As I cleared the linen closet, kitchen cupboards, bathroom, laundry room and closets, I soon realized why I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. It wasn't the weight of the world. It was the weight of two households of belongings sheltered under one roof.

I felt Mom's presence within me as I assembled enough to turn a second house into a home. When I left my marriage and packed up to move to a new province I remember lamenting, "I don't know whether to rent a moving van or a Volkswagon" (my ex was not too co-operative when it came to dividing up our belongings). Mom replied, "Rent a moving van. I'll fill it!" And she did.

It turned out Mom also had enough excess to make a house a home under her roof. We packed up that van with enough belongings to start a new life. I never looked back.

That is exactly how I feel with this shared investment. Everything within my little world has been building up to this exact moment. A million small things all combined together to create two homes from one. 

There is a lightness of heart that has filled the void where the excess once resided. Lightening my load never felt so good. I am filled to the brim with the feeling I will look back at this time, history will repeat itself and I will say: "And I never looked back"

Paper

I hit a wall this weekend. My cull, sort and destroy project was temporarily side tracked as I took time off to enjoy a Grey's Anatomy Marathon Weekend.

I was halfway into my second day of losing myself to television drama when I told myself I had to do at least ONE thing. So I did.

What started out as digging out the second cool file folder storage box resulted in vacuuming the basement and deciding what documents I could shred.

The end result was this:

Two empty (plus a third one full of documents to shred) file folder sized boxes

and numerous emptied document organizers/folders ...

... plus one gigantic box of shredding (and more where that came from).

I have a paper shredder which is perfect for my personal needs but if I overwork it, I'll be in need of a new shredder. So I may be shredding documents for the duration of the year. 

I have not yet hit the bottom of this bottomless pit of paper collection. I have dabbled in photographs, memorabilia, cards and all kinds of paraphernalia. And I am no where near complete. 

This is the state of our living room at the moment:

One would think this would get easier as I go along. But I keep finding excuses to hold on to some of what I have.

I wondered how much I earned at my very first job. I knew Dad would have deducted it off what he could claim for me as a dependent that year, so I went to Dad's tax papers and found my answer. I earned $1875 my first year of employment back in 1977. I know I could find many more answers I may wonder over the years in Mom's calendars.

Do I really need to know I can get my hands on this information? There is comfort in knowing I have a piece of history only Mom and Dad would have the answers for. This feels like a warm hug on a cold day.

I suspect as I work my way through the excess, I may become less attached to the paper. I spent one entire weekend shredding Mom's papers after she died. I did it once. I can do it again.

I cannot believe it has come to this. This mountain of paper, photographs and memories is overwhelming. 

One step at a time, one weekend at a time for as long as it takes to rid our living room of Rubbermaid storage containers. Where there is a will, there is a way. The "way" may include hiring a company to do my personal shredding. 

I'm a collector of family history, stories and memories. This is so very hard because there is a small piece of history hidden within all that has accumulated. I must believe I've mined for the gold and be willing to let the rest go.

It is no wonder I have put this off for so long. 

It is Time ...

I have become the world's best procrastinator over the course of the past many years.

There are so very many things to be done. So much I would like to have done and behind me. But there are a list of little just-for-me things I would like to do.

Oh, to take the entirety of a weekend to sift through the boxes of memories I have amassed. On more than one occasion recently, I have been reminded of a few keepsakes I have saved over the years and it has ignited a desire to rifle through my memory box to see what I have forgotten.

I want to empty the shelf of photos, photo albums, loose pictures and organize them and amalgamate them into one whole cohesive collection including the pictures and albums I inherited from Mom.

I want to take the time to cull through Mom's boxes of memorabilia. Sort, organize and decide what is excess. When we were going through Mom's collection of belongings, I felt everything was important, a piece of history and a piece of Mom. Perhaps I don't need to keep two decades worth of her calendars to hold onto a few vital dates and notations.

This weekend I wish for will spill over into days. Days on end. Days where one photograph, notation or piece of paper will ignite thoughts I had forgotten. Thus, I don't want to rush the process.

I want to make the time. It is time ...

If You Share It ... They Will Come

The essence of "The Field of Dreams" runs rampant through my life. I hear the words "If you build it, they will come" whisper through my subconscious thoughts when I find myself in a position to share whatever it may be that I have to offer.

I took a detour as I searched my blog with "Field of Dreams" and took an enjoyable walk down memory lane as I scanned through several previous posts supporting the theory that I just may be dreaming up this life of mine. If I dream something up, "they" very often come.

My most recent revelation is not quite so deep. It stems from the excessive amount of groceries I bought for a family gathering of "twenty". I bought enough groceries to feed double that amount. I felt an incredible amount of angst as I gazed into the fridge and saw all the perishable food that had to be consumed.

I immediately started issuing invitations.

I fed five for supper the following day and sent a bag of fresh vegetables home with one. The day after that, my aunt ended up with unexpected supper guests. "Let's go for a drive!" I said and we came back here to pick up enough to feed four. I bought potato salad that came highly recommended by a friend, so I shared it with that friend and fed one more. My son has been eating very well this week and my lunches have consisted of more than granola bars. The excess has been reduced to an amount that can easily be consumed before the "best before" date.

The panic I felt as I gazed upon the excessive amount of groceries has given extra life to one invitation I issued to many. The excess has given me the gift of prolonging the gift of family, invitations and the opportunity to live in my field of dreams again. If I share it ... they will come.

Amazing things can happen when a door is opened for others to walk into whatever you may have to offer. It can be as simple as a cold glass of water on a hot day or time to share with someone who needs a shoulder to lean on.

If you open yourself up to allow people into your world, you too could be living in your field of dreams.

The Present

"There aren't enough hours in the day ..." It has been a very, very long time since I started a thought with those words. It feels rather amazing to start a day feeling this way.

I woke up this weekend knowing I was going to amass absolutely EVERY item of clothing, footwear, coat and sweater onto my bed this morning. No matter what. I wanted to do this. I WOULD do this. And I did:

That is it. The ONLY things that are missing are the shoes I wear every day & a spare pair of running shoes, a sweater and winter coat I keep in my car. That is absolutely every item of clothing I own.

Unfortunately this pile is still sitting there awaiting action. I actually can't wait to get back to it...

What started happening as I loaded my clothes onto my bed, was a desire to put "like things together" as I started emptying my clothes rack. I cannot get off task, but I did hang all of the bags I have amassed over time together on one hook in a closet. They will be there for the day I move onto "bags and other miscellaneous items".

The important thing is that I have begun. And I WILL complete this category of "keeping only that which sparks joy". Today. I will. I must (unless I want to find another place to sleep tonight).

Secondly, my boys are (or on their way) back home. My youngest returned from his first solo, one week vacation safe and sound last night. My oldest is due to fly in from his 5+ week holiday this afternoon. My middle son is coming into the city. We will gather here today and have a post holiday family gathering.

I am looking forward to this afternoon. I have told my family I will "provide food". I am very careful how I word these invitations because what I do, I do not classify as "cooking". 

We will eat, drink and be a family. It will be good.

I spent this morning projecting my thoughts into the future. Thoughts of retiring in some distant year got me digging through my financial world. Once I dive into the land of financial planning, forecasting and predicting I get lost. 

I dug my way out to join the present day. All I know for sure is: I must save. I will save for now, without looking too far off into the future. 

The future is not ours to see. Que sera, sera...

Today is where it is at. "The present". And today? It does actually feel like a gift. I love this feeling. This day doesn't feel like it will be long enough to hold all it has in store. 

Now I must go find what "sparks joy" for me within my clothing mountain. I'm eager to begin. It feels good to be back!

P.S. I've had a few rabbit spottings this week. And even when I haven't witnessed the rabbit's presence, they have left clues for me to find.

I love getting a light dusting of snow. It makes my heart feel good to find these tracks in our yard. These ones even went up onto our door step. There may be cat tracks as well but I'm pretty sure the ones to the right are from a rabbit. We are not alone ...

Obstacles

I am three hours into my morning. Thoughts are stirring, inspiration is sparking and I feel parts of me reigniting. Yet I look up and into the day before me and all I see is "obstacles". Real or imagined, obstacles are standing in my way.

The "real" obstacles?

I don't know what this day has in store. I was told I may or may not work (at my "day job") today. I tried calling last night to find out for sure but there was no answer. The phone rang and rang. I waited a while and called again. Nothing.

I was not meant to "know".

I woke up wondering how to set my intent for today when I didn't know what the day would bring. I decided "one hour at a time" was going to be my motto. For today, for tomorrow, for ... good.

We never really know what the next hour will bring. A phone call, an unexpected happening, an unrealized obligation or nothing at all. The best we can do on any given day, is to look at the day ahead, make an outline of what may crop up and work around it. To sit and do nothing at all because one doesn't know when the phone is going to ring or when one's expected day could change on a dime is an excuse. An excuse I have used time and time again this last long while.

I will do what I can, when I can and plan around what I do know.

I do know I am expected somewhere at 4:00. I know I want to buy new glasses. These are my two "for sure" items on today's agenda. Whatever happens in between will happen. I will do my best.

I have been watching Marie Kondo's "Tidying Up" on Netflix the past two mornings. I listen to her suggestions, I've printed off her guidelines and she is really not saying anything I didn't already know. Her style of decluttering is based upon tackling ONE category at a time. Honor that which you have. Keep that which sparks joy. Be grateful for the excess and let it go.

I can do this.

One of my biggest obstacles within my hope to declutter, paint and redecorate our home is feeling overwhelmed. Where does a person begin? It is too much.

I CAN tackle "one category" at a time. That, I can do. I do want to take on this job when I can see that category through to completion.

"Clothes" do not scare me. I do not obsess about clothes. Perhaps I should. But I don't. And that is okay. Even though I have little, I know I have a lot to get rid of. The clothes that make me feel blah, bulky and blue. I can picture some of them as I sit here. Yet when I'm feeling lost and insecure, I don't even feel strong enough to let those go. I do believe if I pile every item of clothing I have onto a bed as Marie suggests, my choices will become clearer.

"Books" are the second item on Marie's checklist. Immediately, I thought I couldn't do books. The books in our home are all wrapped up in sentimental value because 95% of them were Mom's. Yet ... I want to house, organize and showcase Mom's books in a way that honors them. I want to create a small library within one of our spare rooms. This goal begins with emptying the bookshelves and creating space to build what is starting to formulate within my mind's eye. Yes, books must be second on my list of decluttering. Dealing with these books will open possibilities and allow my dream of creating a reading room begin to happen.

"Komono" is a little bit of everything else. It includes everything EXCEPT sentimental items. Dealing with the miscellaneous items within our home means bringing all like items together, culling through the excess and storing what is left over in ONE place. I remember the satisfaction I used to feel KNOWING that each and every safety pin within our home was in ONE place. I'm weird that way. But as I enter the stage of forgetting where things are, if I move it from its original storage spot, the idea of knowing where each and every safety pin is, brings me peace. Then again, if I can't remember where one is, I will have lost them all ... (things that make me go "hmmm").

"Sentimental" - this is the category which has stopped me in my tracks each and every time I think of tackling the excess within our home. This is why Marie Kondo suggests tackling this last. Even though I may not have the fortitude to see this task through to the bitter end of letting things go, this is what I know. I CAN sort through and put all pictures in ONE spot. I can isolate and honor the letters. I can put all the memorabilia and history in one place. Sentimental items that take up less space in my heart can be dealt with easier. But the hard stuff? I can put that in one container and deal with them when I am still and able to honor the memories as I decide what is important.

"Papers" is another category Marie has mentioned. Paper is my downfall. I have not only my income tax papers, receipts and all documents related to our home and everything in it, to diplomas, resumes, and household receipts BUT I have both Mom & Dad's income tax returns since 1945. Yes, "papers" is going to be a tough one. Perhaps even harder than the sentimental category.

I believe categorizing the task and putting it ALL right out in front of you is key. As I look upon each and every category Marie Kondo describes, I can picture the piles which will formulate. There is a "knowing" that by taking everything out of the nooks and crannies where they are stored, and putting them in ONE pile, priorities will come into focus.

I look ahead not only into today, but the days, months and years ahead and I recognize the obstacles that lie ahead of me.

Something is different though. I feel as though I am honoring those obstacles.

The job I don't know if I will have to go to today? I have this job! It is a job which could not be better for me. It honors who I am, what I know, what I am capable of and what I am capable of learning. Plus? I get paid.

I have a small writing project I finally started tackling again yesterday. I have been procrastinating for six months. It is not a hard job. It is simply time consuming. I felt overwhelmed. So I set a timer for one hour. ONE hour at a time, I took on this task. I reset the timer three more times. I SUCCEEDED in working for 3.5 hours. The job is still a long way from completion. But one hour at a time, I will get it done.

The excess that has been weighing me down? I look around our home, I open cupboards and drawers and I realize the excess isn't as heavy on the outside as it feels on the inside. I'm a girl who used to scour the house from top to bottom to ensure everything not only HAD a spot, but every little item that fell within that category was IN its spot.

Material belongings could be lost in a heartbeat. Our home that houses not only us but all of our "stuff" is a gift beyond words.

I will begin this journey of overcoming obstacles by honoring them. I will place all those obstacles into a pile (mentally or physically) and honor what I have been given before I start letting the excess go.

One Thing Leads to Another

Here is the rundown of my morning-so-far:

I am feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Literally. I feel just plain "blech". The food I am eating, the amount of food I am consuming, the way I feel after a Pringle &/or chocolate bar binge and my emotional attachment to food has me looking seriously at trying to get to the bottom of the issue of "eating".

I am presently in a researching phase. I have discovered a program designed to help without the purchase of hundreds of dollars of quick fix supplements and gimmicks. I have stumbled upon Whole 30.

I googled "What can I eat on the Whole30?" and ended up finding a blog with not only a condensed list of do's and don'ts, but a link to recipes and resources to utilize when committing to this 30 day plan.

It was at the bottom of this post, where I followed the temptation of their "You May Also Like" suggestions.

I clicked on the one that said "What NOT to do when decluttering";

Which led to "10 Habits of a Highly Organized Person";

And finally to "Clutter Cowgirl"

I was pleased and delighted to find by reading what NOT to do when decluttering, it made the whole idea of "beginning" feel more attainable.

I sat a little taller and felt a little lighter when I read the list of habits a highly organized person has. I have discovered I'm more organized than I give myself credit for.

I have a feeling that a lot of my food binges are connected with the emotional baggage of "having too much" and feeling overwhelmed is tied up with monumental task of sorting through and releasing the excess.

I took a pen and pad outside with me yesterday morning and started my quiet day of reflection by writing down what needs to be fixed, adjusted and built to start creating the life I have mapped out for my life and our home.

One thing keeps topping the list each and every time I do this. A Murphy Bed and turning the closet into a book shelves in "Mom's room".

Definition: Mom's room - Mom was our home's very first house guest; this was our first guest room; I told her I would forever think of that room as her room; when our home had three spare rooms to offer our overnight guests, Mom would always choose "her" room. 

Mom's room is the most heavily laden with emotional ties. Yet I have a feeling "this" is the room that will set me free once I have it looking, feeling and acting in the manner in which I have envisioned. I want to turn this room into a library/den. Will it need to function as an office one day? I hope not. I want this room to feel like a place where you could not only curl up with a good book, but house a guest who simply feels welcome.

"I get stressed out when I have too much" was a realization I rediscovered and reaffirmed last week. Our home is "too much".

As I sat and soaked up the day outside yesterday, I reflected on how our yard was being underutilized. My son kindly offered the consolation that during my daycare days, our yard was probably used more than most people's yards ever were. But the words "how can we utilize it now?" would not stop cycling through my mind.

Our home houses far too much excess. Perhaps, in keeping with the thought of cleansing our cupboards, fridge and freezer of unqualified foods for my up and coming 30 day eating plan, I can begin by not adding more groceries where there is already more than we need.

There are so many aspects of my life that require a good and thorough de-junking. It is overwhelming. Is it a coincidence that my body is uncomfortable with its excess at a time when I am feeling there is far too much I need to let go of within our home? I don't think so.

There are so many emotional ties and triggers to that which becomes "excess". Which leads me to my first course of action. One of the MANY suggestions I have just read is to "work in small bursts". I have just committed myself into going into work this afternoon, so I have two full hours at my disposal. Perhaps I could use the first hour to sort through one of the boxes in Mom's room. Perhaps ...

It is Time

I have been searching for a blog writer who speaks to me for quite some time now. I finally found her. Her blog is called "Robin Kramer Writes". When I read how she describes herself: "Writing is how I make sense of the world", I knew I had found a virtual friend.

I have gone back through the archives of her blog and started reading from the beginning. I am presently up to July 13, 2011: http://www.robinkramerwrites.com/2011/07/garage-sale.html
Once again, it was a phrase that came through the computer screen and grabbed me "I realized something about myself.  Having too much stresses me out."

Exactly! She is inside my head and is writing what I am thinking, seven years before I came to realize the exact same thing.

Having too much stresses me out.

I slowly came to realize My Time of Great Down Sizing after closing my daycare happened in order to make room for what was coming. I was thinking more along the lines of renting out the upstairs of our home or my invitation for Mom to move in. I didn't intentionally make room for Mom's belongings after she died. But that is exactly what happened.

I didn't want anything of Mom's. I didn't need anything. What I had was enough. I didn't want more. Thankfully my sister didn't listen. She brought a trailer load of stuff to fill the empty spaces of our home. I quite honestly plunked these furnishings down as she brought them in and I haven't moved them again. I had accidentally made room for them. They fit. They belonged. My sister knew.

The room which is weighing me down is the room which is filled with Mom's spirit. Her books, her memories, cards and letters I wrote to her, pictures, paperwork ... and the list goes on.

It is too much.

I walk in there and I pretty much know exactly where to locate something I am looking for. In fact, just this moment I went in and retrieved Mom's copy of the book To Kill a Mockingbird after reading Robin's quote from the book in the above mentioned post.

I have been searching for a more fulfilling purpose within my after work hours and I do believe I have stumbled onto the "what's next" portion of this life I'm living.

"Having too much stresses me out". It is time. Time to open some cupboards and start lightening my load again. I need to organize and make room for what is important within "Mom's room". That room is so laden and heavy right now. It is time to make room for "what's next"...

 "This" is where I need to begin. I've been saying it for months but I have not had the energy nor motivation to put my words into action.

Thanks, Robin. Thank you for writing what I have not yet put words to within this head full of untranslated thoughts. I have too much. I need to create some order within Mom's room. I suspect I will find a great amount of peace will come during and after the transformation.

It is time to make a plan. It is time to start moving forward and through the past year in a physical kind of way.

Eating Up the Excess

There seems to be no end to the excess within our home. I am finally making some headway and there are finally some empty shelves, drawers and an (almost) empty room to show for my efforts. Add two more green Superstore crates to the picture below and you have a glimpse of the storage containers we have emptied. Nothing is safe these days. 

5 large plastic containers; 5 medium containers; 3 Superstore crates and 2 sets of drawer containers

7 empty drawers; 2 completely empty shelves 

Enter the food portion of my story. This started when I thought I should use up the decaffeinated coffee that has been pushed to the back of the cupboard. I've been drinking a little more coffee than I should so it would be wise to switch to decaf after the first two cups, right? Right! I knew it had been sitting around for quite a while so I wasn't even surprised to find it's best before date was four years ago. Then my eyes came upon some mocha flavored coffee that was older than that. It was a Christmas gift which was given to me by a couple who broke up in September of 2009. Which means the newest this coffee could possibly be is December of 2008. Maybe 2007.

I have been drinking a cup or two of decaffeinated coffee every morning since my find. But what about the mocha flavored stuff? I can't quite bring myself to throw it out. It has been opened so I won't give it away. But if it hasn't been consumed in the past eight years, what makes me think that I will suddenly take a liking to it now? Because I'm cheap and hate to see things wasted? Perhaps.

This reminded me of the mozzarella cheese sticks and jalapeno bites I bought as appetizers a minimum of two Christmases ago (note the Christmas season is almost upon us again, so make that "three" Christmases ago). I bought them once and they turned out to be the perfect thing to have on hand when no one in the house felt like cooking and our house had two extra adults living under the roof. The night we made ourselves supper out of all-that-was-frozen was such a fun, memorable evening, I immediately replaced those items and they have been sitting in the deep freeze ever since. There was one half hearted attempt to recreate that tasty little snack a year later, so each bag was half consumed. My memory of how good they tasted at the time, had me trying to recreate that lost moment (again) last week. I made myself eat half of what was left. I'll try it one last time when I'm hungry. Then that, should be the end of that.

This piqued my curiousity so I went on a food hunt to unearth all which has expired &/or will never be consumed by anyone under this roof. I found this (below). These are all the unopened, still sealed packages. I did throw away that which was opened (not much, but any food thrown out is still too much):

The best before dates ranged from February, 2010 to September, 2015. In my defense, the yogurt tubes (which expired in spring of this year) have been frozen ever since I got them. And the Freezies? Probably good for at least six more years. But my son told me he will never eat them. 

I listed these items to give away, clearly noting the expiry dates and the new owners can decide what they use or what they toss. But everything was sealed and I would use it all myself. Except, if I haven't used it in the past six years, what is the chance I'll ever use it again?

Rehoming our excess seems to be the name of the game for me. At the beginning of last weekend, I had filled three of these containers (below) and there were two (first picture) Superstore crates filled with toys. All that is left is what you see here (and it is half full of new stuff to be dealt with this upcoming weekend):

Everything else has been donated to Value Village, given away via Kijiji's "Free Stuff" ads or sold. My profits were low this past week. We are (thankfully) getting down to the dregs. 

Yesterday I went in search of a phone number I knew I had tucked into my home renovations file and I got completely lost within all the paperwork within the filing cabinet (and never did find the phone number. However, I did manage to work on my son's bookkeeping). I went searching for it again right now and culled through a 3/4" pile of business cards and reduced my business card pile to a 1/4".

The excess within is showing up everywhere!! How in the world did I let this happen?

In a word? Daycare. It was the beginning of holding onto every little thing I thought we could turn into a craft or something for the kids to play in or on or with. It was the beginning of a time of ten to twelve hour days and six day work weeks. 

My daycare days were also a time of great nesting, focus on home, family and parenting. Working in our home allowed me the benefit of puttering with the housework as I watched over my kids. Small amounts of work over an extended period of time made a big difference.

My years after Daycare 1.0 were the end of a very good phase within this little life of mine. I lost all of the good habits I had gained during my reign of daycare provider. Working outside my home depleted me. Not being able to putter away at the little things around the house all day turned housework and cooking into onerous tasks I did not want to tackle.

Now that I've made such a big dent in the decluttering within this house of ours, I find myself puttering again. Not in the manner in which I used to do it but a little bit of puttering is better than none. On one hand, it is disheartening to have rid our home of so much and still see how far there is left to go. On the other hand, it does make me think twice about ignoring all the little things that have added up into a small hoarding situation. 

Every time I pick up a pile of papers, a file, open a drawer or cupboard and I toss something into the donate, sell or garbage piles, the load lightens just a little bit more. 

One one, final positive note I would like to say that I just made a great sacrifice and ate up the last of the "Rockets" candy we had left over from Halloween. I may never recover from this time of "eating up the excess" around here. "Oh, my achin' stomach ..."

Best. Weekend. Ever!

"Balance" is everything when it comes to my happy factor. Filling myself up with a little work, play, soul fulfilling and family time during a weekend (or any given day) and life is pretty much perfect. And such was this past long weekend.

I had one good, productive day of bookkeeping. It filled the day, I picked up supper, came home and crashed on the couch. But it was good. My work there was done. I would wake up to two more days off to follow. Oh, what one can do with TWO days!

I started each weekend day filling up on all things Brené and Glennon. Brené Brown and Glennon Doyle Melton, unbeknownst to them, are two of my soul sisters. In my mind we are the best of friends. I love hanging out with them and lucky for me, they have teamed up and created an on-line course "The Wisdom of Story" on CourageWorks.com. It's great. I could listen to them all day. But I settled for an hour or so. I filled up my soul and carried on.

Sunday morning, I had coffee with a friend who lives five hours away. She was nestled up inside her world, I was snug and cozy in mine. We picked up the phone and chatted like the good friends we are. An hour and a half with the first sister I adopted of my own. We were "related" by marriage. The marriage didn't last but our sister-in-law relationship has transcended time, distance and several life transitions. I thoroughly enjoyed our coffee date.

Then came the work.

I spent the remainder of Sunday culling, sorting, photographing and marketing the excessive daycare wares within our home. I can't believe how long it is taking to get down to what I call a "bare minimum" which is still more than any one child could ever need in a home or daycare environment. I thought this past weekend would be it. I was pulling out the "dregs" of what I have left to sell. I was convinced I could put it all up for auction. I have 27 children's items up for sale this week. Since I was "clearing out" my children's merchandise, I started adding some items to another household auction. I put 11 more items up for sale there. Total bids as of 8:45 last night were $215.00. The auction ends tonight and judging by the activity on these auctions, I suspect there will be a last minute flurry of activity and my final sales will jump from last night's total. It is a time consuming little task but I have achieved my goal of selling $1000.00 worth of belongings within 6 weeks instead of my forecast of  15 to 16 weeks to reach that total.

It was another good day's work. In fact I seem to be making a game out of this purging and selling habit I've developed. I'm thinking maybe my next career could be hiring myself out to help people purge their excess, with a clause within the contract stating I could sell whatever I found marketable for my own profit. Food for thought ...

Then I woke up to Thanksgiving Day morning. My work here was done. I could put my feet up and relax. Which I did. All morning. All I had to do was tidy the house for company, run out and buy food to serve for supper, then throw it all together, call it a meal and enjoy my company for the evening.

Well! The thing about clearing out the excess is the energy and motivation that follows. I stepped out of my cozy little oasis and did "one small thing". I believe that thing was to open up the closet doors within the laundry room to see what progress I was making there, when I realized I should clean the air exchanger. Then change the furnace filter. Why not dust, sweep and vacuum the laundry room (please note, I have not YET used the term "clean") while I was right there?

Low and behold, I found one of the missing cat toys behind the deep freeze which sent me on a mission. I ran upstairs, pulled out the oven and found no more cat toys but I did find enough cat hair to warrant literally vacuuming my way out of the laundry room, up the stairs and in behind the oven. I don't even know if I had moved the oven back against the wall when I decided I may as well pull out the fridge too. I don't want to admit how long it has been since I've done that. I've thought long and hard about it a few times over the course of the past few years but actions did not follow (in my defence, I have invested in a yard stick for the purpose of retrieving lost cat toys from under the stove and fridge and it does a very decent job at clearing out the cat hair while I'm at it).

This was crazy. My supper guests were going to be arriving in two hours and I was still in my pajamas, hadn't bought groceries nor had a shower. I felt like Mr. Incredible as he races off to save the world a few or three times while he is trying to make it to the church in time to get married. "I still have time" he says in his deep, super hero voice as he catches a few more criminals and saves a cat that was stuck in a tree along his way.

And I still hadn't scoured the bathroom or shone up the kitchen. Yikes! I was losing the battle.

I was still peeling the last of the potatoes when my company arrived. Thankfully 90% of my meal was pre-cooked or came our of a box, bag or baked goods container. All I basically had to do was just add water" (or not), heat and stir.

Voila!! We sat down to a meal well cooked (thank you Co-op deli department!) and our small, cozy family Thanksgiving supper.

I was some kind of exhilarated after such a perfectly balanced weekend of work, play, friendship and family. I sat down at the tail end of a fulfilling weekend and just exhaled. It was good. It was so good.

And the good just keeps getting better! After my guests left, I found a text message from my cousin from Ontario. She obviously must have intended to send this message to someone else, but I replied with great enthusiasm and excitement when answering her question "Will you be home tomorrow morning? I just have to drop my husband off at the airport and I'll stop by for coffee..." Hilarious, I thought. Her husband is a pilot and works out of Toronto. She obviously thought she was texting my uncle. I replied that "Of COURSE I would be home and love to have coffee!", and laughed as I added "You do know you are texting 'Colleen, in Saskatoon', do you?" And she replied that YES! She did mean to text me and that her husband was heading home from their visit to see her parents and she was staying a little longer.

Well, knock me over with a feather! I have company coming this morning!! And with my daycare crowd of "one", we should be able to work in a very good visit. AND (and this is the best part), I added "Stay for lunch! I have chicken on a bun and pumpkin pie!" I never have ready-made offerings of food to offer. Never!

If you make it, they will come ...

And they did.

A Quiet Knowing - If I Empty it They Will Come

I've been enjoying the peacefulness that comes from living in a house that doesn't feel like a daycare zone. It is a little bit blissful to wander into a living room that isn't accessorized by a Little Tikes kitchen, a "princess corner", along with a wall lined with toys that don't fit into the toy cupboard. I can sit with my back to the ball house (which is too large to move out of the living room without being disassembled) and our house feels like a home again.

Bedroom doors are open, the cats are free to roam (and shed) all over the house again, with the exception of our #1 spare room (having three spare bedrooms is confusing, I know), where the queen guest bed resides. I've been opening up the blinds in the previously unused, closed off rooms and the sun is radiating through the house like never before.

We have so much space around us, it is ridiculous. Thank goodness I still have one daycare daughter to tend. She quite enjoys her new play space, access to the books and full run of most of the upstairs. She naps in the closed off spare room, so while I'm tending even one child I feel like I'm getting my money's worth out of our home's square footage.

I feel like I'm rediscovering our home all over again. As it was, when we first moved into this house I seem to find myself gravitating toward the room that started out as a TV room, then my room, then a spare room, then a quiet room and is presently labelled the "play room":

Notice the easy right-hand access to a coffee table, with the computer plugged into an easily accessible wall socket, with a futon adorned with multiple pillow options to support my back and neck (with a cat at my side which is always a pleasant accessory to add to any room). I grabbed the stool for some foot elevation, there is a TV on the wall opposite the futon and there is absolutely everything I need to create a cozy little retreat. It feels like the oasis I call my bedroom. I'm loving it in here!

I am seeing our house through new eyes these days. It is still in a state of transition and many of our rooms are undergoing a bit of an identity crisis but I continue to feel strongly that our house will soon be much too big for our needs.

I sit here and look at the room I'm savoring at the moment. Once all the daycare paraphernalia is removed, all that will remain is a dresser which contains items that could easily re-homed. The closet holds my income tax papers going back to the beginning of our lives here in Saskatoon. I don't believe Revenue Canada will ever ask me to go back 29 years for some document. In all honesty, all that closet requires is a huge, industrial sized personal shredder. This room could be of a no-name, generic variety in the course of a few short hours.

Our "official spare bedroom" holds some of my excess clothing. Clothes that never made the move to my new bedroom. Clothes that haven't been worn, needed or looked at for a year. A few garbage bags and a donation would clean out that closet in two shakes of a lamb's tail (what the heck is that, my fingers wonder as they type?). It is the two under-the-bed storage containers of memories, letters and sentimental belongings under the bed which may take the better part of a month to sort through. Other than that, another room could be de-personalized within an hour or less (if I just pack up those boxes and deal with them at a later date).

Our third spare bedroom was an appointed "office space" at one time. It holds a computer desk, a closet with a shelf or two of notes, letters and information I amassed while collecting stories for my parent's family's books-of-memories. This room contains all the books I have collected over the years, a filing cabinet which I had planned to fill with the required seven years of income tax documentation required by Revenue Canada, but instead it sits empty under a box which holds every income tax return my dad ever filed. I can't quite bear to rid myself of those documents. "There is a story within those documents" is what my quiet inner voice tells me. I hold onto Dad's paperwork for much the same reason I hold onto my own. It is a timeline of Dad's/my life's work. It is part of how I define myself and remember my dad. It may take a lot longer to empty that room. That "office space" holds much more than documents. It contains Dad's life's work and two family's books of memories. Maybe I need to find a vault to hold what this room contains. It is of no use or interest to anyone else but me.

I have one day to work this long, Thanksgiving weekend. I have another day to accumulate another week's worth of items to sell on my favorite on-line auction site. I have invited my family to come share a meal together under our roof on the third day. Thankfully I am not known for my culinary skills, so our meal will not take the entire day to prepare. So I can clean a little, cull a little and think about how I want to redefine our space within this home of ours.

When the clutter and excess are gone, the dressers and closets emptied of everything that is not essential what will be left? How much can I simplify this life of ours over the course of the next three months? How far can I go? And what am I making room for?

There is not one thing whispering in my ear telling me the answers I am seeking. I just keep looking within these walls of ours and hear "Purge and release"and "Make room for change". If I empty it, they will come ...

I'm living in "The Field House of Dreams". I don't know where I'm going but I know what I must do next. That is enough for now.

Purge and Release

It is the day after yet another successful on-line auction of "kid's stuff". It is yet another update on where I am in the saga of de-cluttering the excess of my daycare assets. I sat down and started culling through our basement full of toys on September 5th. By October 5th, all recent purchases should be picked up and paid for. Net total for one month of selling? [drum roll, please] $798.50. Have no fear. All profits to date have been deposited safely into my annual expenses/in-case-of-emergency/home maintenance/holiday(??) savings account. I'm feeling richer by the week.

I must have peaked by now. Surely to goodness that which I list for sale from here on in will not net such a tidy little sum. But do you know what? I have become just a little bit addicted to finding good homes for our belongings. It brings me great joy to not only re-home our well used toys and child tending gear, but to earn a tidy little profit (not really profit when you deduct what I spent to amass this great "wealth") while doing so.

The question is becoming "How much more can I minimize our life?" How deep can I dig? What do we really need now that our family is down to two humans and two cats? Do two people really need five TV's, four computers, a 12 piece setting of dishes, two fridges and a five bedroom house?

I woke up in the middle of the night with thoughts of emptying out the kitchen cupboards, painting them (inside and out) then only refilling them with what we actually use. That became too big of a task to take on in the middle of the night so I turned my thoughts to emptying out one room, purge the excess, paint it and replace only the bed, an empty dresser and perhaps the desk. Maybe I could rent it out to a student ...

One bedroom at a time. Purge, paint and fill it with only the barest of necessities leaving no trace of my personal self behind.

I am one day into my "time of great quiet" and the deep, knowing voice inside of all of my thoughts, emotions and rational thinking is waking me up in the middle of the night telling me to purge and remove my essence from that which is emptied. Purge and make room for change. Purge and move on. Purge and move out. Purge and move into a tiny house in my own back yard and rent out the main house. Purge and release.

Live small. Minimize expenses. Maximize experiences. Make room for quiet. Reduce the work load of cleaning by having little to clean. Make room to dream big.

I feel like Kevin Costner's character in the "Field of Dreams". Make room for it and it will come.

The Quiet is Coming

It isn't really going to hit home until I start living through next week, but this is "it". This is the beginning of my time of great quiet. I sat still for a moment just now and heard all the ideas that have been popping into my head lately and I think I just may sound like a raving lunatic. Maybe I am. Maybe this is why my life has headed in this quiet direction. I just need to be calm, quiet, settle into this and see where things go from here.

The wind up of yesterday, my last day with three of my four daycare family was pretty anticlimactic. Thankfully we were all on our pretty good behaviour and we spent the day in a light and easy manner, doing some of our favorite things. When we got home from our morning adventure, everyone slept. Everyone. Even my little 3 year old girl who has been fighting nap time since she was a year old slept (she napped three times this week). We barely finished our snacks and parents arrived to pick up their children. We said our good-byes amid our plans to keep in touch, gave our mutual thank you's, wished each other the best and the door closed on that era of our lives together.

All I was left with was the remnants of a daycare to deal with and my work day was done. It took what remained of the evening, but I have dismantled all that I have erected and revised since my newest 1 year old joined our midst and I was spent. I was done. I was so done...

Jet thought he found himself a new cat bed when I set up this playpen in the middle of the living room so I could clean it up before selling it.

I woke up this morning to a clean slate. I don't have to work today and the hard work is behind me. All that is left to be done is to deal with (aka: sell) the excess and continue to wade through all I have collected within this house of ours over the course of the past few decades. I think I'll stick to the accumulation of daycare wares for the moment. It is enough for now.

I wandered through the kitchen this morning and mused over the idea that I will have the ability to wash the kitchen floor after a meal once again. Back in Daycare 1.0, I quite often not only swept but washed the floor after lunch. What a difference a generation makes! I have barely had time to sweep the floor more than once a week. I cannot even remember the last time the entire floor was washed down at once.

I sat down in the living room and marvelled at our new reality. Our house looks like I'm on holidays - NOT running a full on daycare. Yes, I still have a huge "ball house" set up in the living room. That house gets more play time than any other toy I own. It will remain a fixture in the living room until my daycare days are done. It is too big to get out the door, so it will have to be dismantled. Unless I decide to leave it set up for Jet.

Jet loves "all things daycare" - kids and toys included. He is going to be sooooo bored when our house becomes too quiet. I'm considering getting him a kitten.

The kids and I went for a walk to the pet store yesterday as part of our outing. We found a cat. I want him so badly. I know it is insane to think this way but I am having a hard time talking myself out of it. So far, so good. But I would just like to borrow him for a few days, to see how he would fit in our world. Exit "Daycare Lady" and in comes "Crazy Cat Lady". 

This is "Jax". He is up for adoption (for the cost of a donation!) at our friendly neighborhood pet store. He LOVES kids, is so playful, cuddly and he purrs. At least when he is meeting someone who has the potential to spring him from his cage.

It has not yet sunk in that I do not have to hoard the quiet and my energy quite yet. I have been given the gift of a two day weekend at the onset of my life as a daycare provider for "one" child. That is barely even a job. Yet I have this overwhelming feeling of needing to hold onto this moment tightly and not let it go. 

I'm ready for the quiet. I really am. I just have to trust that the serenity of the moment is going to last for as long as I need it.

This is the moment I'm in right now. I hope it's here to stay (or SHOULD we adopt another cat??)

Less Clutter = More Energy

I think I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of the excess. These pictures ONLY show one toy zone within our house. There are several more. But this area has been the bane of my existence and one of my reasons for not wanting to clean for far too long. In fact, how can one clean when a room is filled with clutter?

This is my progress:

Sept 6

Sept 11

Sept 26

This is what is up for sale this week:

 

This is what will go up for sale soon:

And this is a combination of items soon to be sold and toys I'm holding onto for as long as my last daycare child remains:

 

Then there are the daycare cots (3), playpens (2), booster seats (2), baby gates and whatever remains outside. It feels like there is no end to the daycare excess within this house of ours.

I have sold 49 items to date. The average selling price of my wares has been $9.25 per item. Almost everything I list for sale has a start bid of $1 to $5. "Demand" kicks up the selling price substantially in many cases. In three weeks, I have made $453.50 and the bids on the items I put up for auction yesterday are up to $76.75 with 36 hours left before my auction closes.

I'm not getting rich but I'm gaining an appreciation for the high cost of living excessively. By paring down the contents within the playroom downstairs, I found myself moving the piano so I could vacuum, dusting and giving the whole house a quick once over with the vacuum cleaner before I called it a day. I walked around with a dust rag and cleaned as I walked along. I still use the term "cleaning" very loosely because at this point it is little more than rolling up the excessive dust dirt (quite literally, when I started swiping at the dust from the cat litter in the laundry room this morning). 

I am feeling lighter and more energetic. I've been at this for four weeks and I easily have four more weeks to go before I start digging into the excessive accumulation of our household goods. Nothing is safe right now. I'm on a mission. The mere fact that I find myself cleaning without intent is nothing short of astounding. There is much energy to be gained by living a less materialistic life.

Taking Care of What I Have

I looked at the clock and it was only 6:00 (p.m.). I had cleaned cat litter, eaten supper, updated our daycare blog and had my day officially done and tied up with a bow. It was only 6:00. It seemed like only yesterday when it felt like I was dragging around hundred pound weights with each step. To accomplish all of these feats and have them all behind me by 6:00 p.m. meant it was time to celebrate. I would jump into my pajamas, snuggle up on the couch and fall asleep in front of the TV. Yes, this is a girl who knows how to party!

Last night was different. I knew there was a chance I may have to leave the house so I didn't leap into my pj's at the first sign of slowing down. I stayed dressed. Then when I sat down on the couch, the only reason I grabbed the blanket was for it to serve as the home base for my mini-pedicure.

I hate when my feet get so rough I feel like I could sand down rough surfaces with them. It's annoying and frustrating because it seems like I barely get those appendages all neat and tidy and smooth to the touch and they need more attention.

Last night, I had the time, energy and motivation to sand down those sandpapery soles. I turned on one of last season's episodes of Grey's Anatomy (so I could be all ready and refresh my memory for tonight's season premiere). I was ready to go to work and settle in to watch some good television.

It seems like only yesterday when the I would be grabbing a bag of chips and calling it a party. Last night? A few foot files, some lotion and I was one happy camper.

I was getting nowhere, fast. It seemed like another case of "it's got to get worse before it gets better". My slightly rough feet started to take on the look of a bearded dragon. Yes, stop and take a look at "Google images" for the picture of a bearded dragon. That was what the heel of my foot and the rest of my roughened up calluses looked like. "There is a reason I pay people to do these things!" rambled through my mind on an endless loop as I tried to justify my overspending in the past. Then I remembered the second file I had just thrown out because it looked so worn. That may serve as a "fine sanding" tool to smooth down these rough edges.

Somewhere under 45 minutes later (I know this, because that is how long it takes to watch Grey's Anatomy without commercials), my feet were as smooth as silk and I still had "money in my pocket" from the savings of not running to get a professional to do the job for me. Granted, I still have 6-1/2 week, worn down, worn off and missing nail polish on those smooth toes. And I didn't even think about "cuticles". Whoa, Nellie! Let's take this one Grey's Anatomy episode at a time now. But I had smooth, silky feet and that was pretty amazing.

I have had so many excuses lately. I don't have the flexibility. That is a big one. It is THE reason I started rationalizing this pedicure idea to start with. I don't have the tools. Well, I do actually. I am simply to lazy to put them to use. I don't have the time. Give me a break. I had all the time in the world. I just didn't care to use my time towards that goal.

I have accumulated so many ways in which I waste money. And time.

Cooking is a big one. It seems I would rather waste a half  hour (or more) and gas to drive somewhere to pick up supper, than I would to take that same time and throw something simple together and call it a meal.

Cleaning is another. Simply put, I don't really clean any more. I wipe and I swipe and I keep things presentable. But I don't clean. Part of my excuse is that I have to get rid of the "stuff" first. There is too much clutter to clean. I'm starting to see the light of day when it comes to the excessive "stuff". My little one year old daycare daughter who is staying on, after all of her friends leave loves to "clean". I think we will spend part of our days cleaning together (she loves nothing better than to sit down and clean toys with me after the rest of the kids go home). I'm not sure how long that game will remain fun but we'll give it a whirl. When I become her only play partner at daycare, we may have to resort to desperate measures.

I have not been taking care of what I have. I have been doing a bare minimum, hiring out what is deemed socially acceptable to pay others to do (isn't getting a pedicure somewhat of a status symbol?). Maybe my little one-year-old daycare buddy and I can start doing some stretching and exercising too. I will have to find some inventive ways to pass time with last daycare daughter left standing. Maybe we can make this work for both of us.

I had a small revelation last night as I tended to my feet, in the comfort of my own home. I have so much. I must start taking care of it. Myself. With the tools that I have on hand. Tend to what I have and want to hold onto, while letting go of the rest is like a weight is lifting off my shoulders. I think I'm going to go weigh myself now. I must have lost at least five pounds with all of this "letting go".

Downsizing

It's really no wonder I procrastinate the way I do, when it comes to matters of dealing with he excess within our home. It's time consuming.

I spent the better part of Monday sorting, organizing and ensuring I had all the parts and pieces which go with various toys I plan to get sell. Then I took pictures of everything as I went along so I was one step closer to putting them up for sale. I ended up with this:

Then came Tuesday. I went outside and did a small scale version of the above. Timing is everything when it comes to marketing your wares. If I waited until the dead of winter to sell these items, there wouldn't have been the same demand. So I am basically selling everything that either drives me crazy, is at risk of being broken or that the kids fight over. I listed 11 items for sale on an on line auction site Tuesday afternoon. I set the end of my auction for 6:00 p.m. on Wednesday.

There was a LOT of interest in what I had for sale. I had 179 followers or bids or inquiries on the above mentioned 11 items. I sold ten of them and once everyone picks up their items and pays for them, I will have netted $160.25. Not too shabby for a good day's work.

I basically needed to be available to answer any queries once I listed my items, be available to close my auction on time and advise the winners of their successful bids and now I will have to be available for the next two days while people come to pick up their wares.

It's a time consuming little project but I think it's worth it. I like the "auction" style of selling. I am uncomfortable setting a price on what I want to sell, so I list my starting bid low and let demand dictate the price. No one bids more than they are willing to pay so everyone gets the best bang for their buck.

If I list 10 items for sale over the course of the next 15 weeks and average approximately $50 per week, I will could end up with a net profit of under $1000. Is this worth it? It is the beginning of my "emergency fund" which I have a feeling I may need when my daycare income dwindles to zero. I sure wish money wasn't the boss of me. I was just attaining the financial comfort level I once knew before I quit babysitting the last time. I know of nothing I could do to earn this monthly income again.

I think I'm scaring myself back into thinking there was a very good reason I was in the daycare business to begin with. I'm in my comfort zone, doing something I can do and it pays the bills.

I need to "live smaller" if I plan to succeed on my next "life makeover". Maybe I should pack what I need and live in the back of a moving van. This guy "Thoughts From Inside the Box" does it. Maybe I could too (I may have to move to California to weather the winter though) ...

A Boring Little Day (aka: A Boring Little Post)

I must have done something right yesterday because I slept soundly through the night for the first time in a very, very long time. What was the magical formula?

I filled myself up with inspiration and the words of my most favorite blog writer, book writer, public speaker and advocate for so many. Glennon Doyle Melton is truly my go-to person at the moment. She lifts me up, makes me feel okay to be imperfect and simply urges me to to "the next right thing". I like her. 

After my Glennon fix, I wrote. It wasn't good. It was a collection of words that really didn't matter. But the thing I am discovering is if I allow myself to ramble there is often a small nugget of something that matters that hits the screen before I hit "Publish". My writing has really suffered this past long while. I have stopped writing what I've been thinking so much and for so long, that I think I may have stopped thinking. That is wrong. I still think. I have been conspiring. I've been creating an upcoming new season in my life and the writers are still out over "what happens next". I think it could be good though. Though I'm not excited, I am anticipating the change. Anticipation without dread is a very good spot when you are uprooting your life. I'll take quiet anticipation.

Then, I got up and did one small thing. Which led to several other small things. I took the mess which was our basement and made it ten times worse. Then my son asked me what he could do to help, so I sent him out to the garage to do a few tasks I have been putting off. I asked him to set up a few daycare items so I could photograph and measure them so I can list them on an auction site. I basically culled through all of my daycare excess and started the organization process to get everything I plan to sell ready for auction. It's a mess right now. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. This is one of those times. It is coming. But it hasn't happened yet. More anticipation.

A friend called when I was hitting my wind-down mode. I could have and should have kept going but I had hit a point where I could stop and talk with a friend. That is exactly what we did. For over two hours. I didn't have to leave the house, I didn't have to get cleaned up. I simply visited with a friend in the mess which was our home and took a break.

While we were talking, I assembled a meal out of leftovers. I had planned to run out to McDonald's as a reward for my productive day but I have a sore tooth and I really wanted something soft that didn't require a lot of chewing. So I ate a decent meal, wound down in front of the TV and revelled in several episodes of the Gilmore Girls and called it a day.

It was a boring little day but it was "the beginning of productive". Why I didn't start this mini productive spell at the onset of the weekend is anyone's guess. The honest answer is because I was feeling incredibly lazy. I keep telling myself I must have needed a few days of doing nothing because I did it so well. "Starting" is half three quarters of the battle. I sit and think, then overthink, then convince myself the task set before me is undo-able before I talk myself out of starting, which then makes the starting process even harder.

I started by turning on the light and doing "the next right thing". I simply began. Following through is so much easier once the challenge of starting has been overcome. I have begun. I have a long way to go but I have started.

I have sixteen weeks before my daycare closes and I do not want to start the job of culling, selling and donating my excess when I am done. By the time this daycare is wound down, I want my slate almost clean. I want to start over without feeling bogged down by excess, things to be done and the feeling of being overwhelmed. Life has felt very "heavy" lately and by the look of what one day uncovered, I think I know why. 

I want to lighten my load, literally and figuratively. I want to live a quiet, simple little life. A life that would fit into 500 square feet sounds very good right about now.