Valentine's Day

At long last, Valentine's day doesn't really affect me one way or another.

The one Valentine's Day that stands out to me was when I received a red rose in a swan vase from 'the man I loved' which was completely and totally out of the norm for him. It was unexpected and it was wonderful.

I have memories of the years when girls at work would receive flowers from their special-someones. These little aches are par for the course if you are unhappy in your singleness.

I remember the longings as a child. I was a quiet, unnoticeable, uncertain and unpopular in the ways that I longed to be popular. I remember the quiet wishes for a secret valentine. The longings of a young girl.

Over the years, an average Valentine's Day normally passes without any more hoopla, than making sure that I have Valentine cards in the house for my kids to hand out at school.

This year, I felt a little different. As I saw the flyer's advertising the special Valentine bouquets, I seriously thought of buying some flowers for myself. When there were bonus air miles coupons attached to the advertising, I was sold on the idea. Except for one curious thing. There were no prices advertised.

I was at Safeway last night and I was firm in my decision to buy myself some flowers. I would have settled for a rose with baby's breath.

Then I saw the prices! Even for the most basic arrangement that felt special for the occasion, the cost was not practical in my eyes. I looked for a single rose. And any of the roses that I saw, were long past their 'best before' dates.

There were flowers galore - flowers, balloons and chocolates as soon as you entered the store, flowers by the checkouts, flowers in the special 'seasonal' area of the store, flowers in the flower department. But I couldn't find the one flower that I was looking for. A fresh bud that would bloom after I took it home. And the cost of the special bouquets they advertised were out of reach. So I left the store with my budget intact and the desire for that one rose bud with baby's breath unrealized.

I wandered around the house this morning and as I was thinking of what I could write about, I realized that it was Valentine's Day. I lit some candles and I am sitting in the candlelight this morning with my cup of coffee. And my cup runneth over.

I am at the point in my life where I have realized my own value. I believe that I am worthy of buying myself a flower. I don't need some one's love or opinion of me to validate the fact that I am okay. I have friends and family that I celebrate every day of my life with. Not just the Hallmark holidays. I am loved.

Happy Valentine's Day. May you find your own Valentine within yourself and the world that you have created.