Creative Math

I think that I was born to be an accountant. Numbers and I go back as far back as I can remember.

I can remember saving up for a tape recorder when I was about 12 years old. My next goal was to save up for an Old English Sheepdog (I bought a 10" color TV instead). Then there was a stereo ... a bedroom suite ...

Then 'real life' happened and the next thing you know, I was tallying up how two young, married kids with a baby on the way were going to live on one fixed income.

I've saved, planned, spent and budgeted the entirety of my life. I started Financial Planning before it was a buzzword. I've been planning for my future, for as long as I can remember.

The thing about numbers, is that you can juggle things around to make them fit. Usually. When that doesn't happen quite as planned, there is always debt.

Oh yes. I've had my fair share of debt. I don't like living in the red. As with my new red (orange) hair ... it is out of my comfort zone. I squirm around internally when my life is controlled by negative numbers.

All of this preamble does have a point. It is my current financial state - as I near the home stretch of spending-like-I've-never-spent-before. This dream come true ... this upcoming dance competition ... comes with a hefty price tag. And I'm not done spending yet.

Oh, I have it all justified. I have been socking away every little bonus and windfall that I have received over the course of the past year and a half. But instead of having this cash sitting idle in a savings account, I put it towards paying down my mortgage balance (a revolving mortgage that I can borrow against, if I must).

As January's spending finally wound to a halt, I tallied up the amount that I must 'borrow' from the money that I had saved. There is a great discomfort in increasing the negative number (which is my mortgage), even though I had always planned to spend those windfalls on something fun and frivolous. I am still borrowing.

I was hanging in there for a while, but it is now official. I have spent more than I had saved. No matter how I juggle the numbers, the hard cold truth is I overspent.

The creative side of my brain is telling me that it's okay. I have future income that will replenish that overspending. The logical side of my brain sees the reality. "This" is what I borrowed. "That" is the total sum of bonuses that I have received. "This" is greater than "That".

I sit here with my bank books at my side. I will tally up all of my costs. I will calculate what I overspent in January's household/living expenses alone.

The negative numbers created due to my dance spending has given me (in my mind) free reign to overspend in every aspect of life. The negative sign that I am seeing didn't have to be this large.

This dance dream is a once-in-a-lifetime event for me. I am not going to take away from the joy by obsessing about the cost. But I am going to sit and find the way in which I am going to live with the consequences of my spending.

I shall sit down and juggle the books. I will plan and find a way to start amassing another little nest egg.

Because my next big dream is an Alaskan Cruise ...