Things That Matter

I'm savoring every moment of the anticipation for my upcoming dance competition. But as the date draws near, I'm starting to resent the space that it is occupying in my brain.

Tanning. Self tanning lotion or a spray tan done 'professionally'?

Hair. Oh ... the hair. I could go on endlessly, but my most current dilemma involves washing it. And dealing with the aftermath. It's bad enough to have orange hair ... but orange hair that is also having a bad hair day? Not a pretty sight.

Packing. Omigosh. I have never, ever, in my life had such an extensive list of what to pack. Costumes, formal wear, dressy casual, casual casual, jewellery and then there is the long list of things to bring just-in-case (since I won't be home and have easy access to a household full of whatever I may need). Double-sided carpet tape, toothpicks, Q-Tips, scissors ... YIKES!

All-that-must-be-done-before-I-go. School, book keeping, errands, appointments, dance lessons.

Oh ya. Then there is the dancing. My brain has little excess room for the finer parts of dancing that I should have honed by now. New information is not being retained at this point. I'm too busy worrying about too many trivial matters.

Speaking of trivial ...

Then there is the blackhead that I discovered right on the border of my lip yesterday. To squeeze or not to squeeze. Nine days until dance-time. Do I have time to heal? Decision made. To squeeze. OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! All I managed to do was inflame the area. To self inflict pain on yourself in the tender area of your lips is not easy. I woke up this morning to a bumpy-feeling, red-looking lip. Oh dear. So I squeezed some more. Success at last. The blackhead has been banished. One less thing in my long list of mindless worries in my brain.

The reason this is so frustrating is because these worries are so unimportant.

I have people in my life that are facing day-to-day and life-altering health issues. These are no small matters. This is the 'big stuff'. This is the stuff that should remind me to put all of my mundane little matters into perspective.

Yet I continue to fret about the minor stuff in my mind.

This is something that I have control over. I can feel powerful as I stroke something off of the endless to-do list. As I contend with each minor issue that is taking up valuable space in my brain, I feel satisfied. Each step that I take, is moving me in a forward direction. A direction that I want to move towards.

Each of the people that I know that is facing much-more-serious-matters-at-hand would probably give their eye teeth to feel powerful, satisfied and moving in a direction of their choosing.

I'm not doing anything to help any one. I feel powerless when it comes to helping those that I care about.

So ... I tackle my small list of things-that-really-don't-matter.

To those of you that I wish I could help, I wish your brain was as full of the mundane little worries that I have instead of what you are facing.

I do know that I am worrying about things that don't matter in the whole scheme of things. But it is taking up the space that I would be using to worry about things that I have no control over, if it wasn't full of this other 'stuff'.

It all goes back to the Serenity Prayer ...

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things that I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.