On Dating

I could probably count on one hand, the number of times that I have been actually asked out ... on a date.

My two, teen-age romances happened only because I 'came in second' to my best friend. The boys were after her ... and after she became unavailable, I was left over. Or that is how it felt anyway.

I'm not complaining. I went out with a very nice young guy who moved away. I married the second and we had two children together. Not a bad deal for coming in second. I came in first in the end ... because I gained two sons.

Our marriage was an on again, off again type of relationship. Married a year; divorced a year; remarried two years; separated two years; reconciled three years and that was it. Three strikes, you're out.

In those 'off' years, I was asked out on possibly three dates. I'm thinking that my last official date may have been ... 27 years ago? I could be wrong. But it is close to three decades ago.

The only relationship that I have had since my marriage ended, never had that pivotal dating moment. We coffee'd together for months on end, we became friends, we did things with our kids together and we went for walks. One day, things sparked ... and the rest is history. But never was there that 'first date' moment. That was okay. Actually, it was perfect. Because what we had, was friendship first.

That relationship was also one of an on again, off again variety. During the 'off' times, I heard rumors of two different men that were interested in me. I was never approached, so nothing ever transpired. But I couldn't believe how good it felt ... just to be noticed. That feeling carried me through a lot of quiet times in my life.

I have been on my own for several years once again. I've become incredibly comfortable in this 'life as I know it'. It fits. It feels right. Certainly, I wonder at times what it may be like to be part of a relationship again. But for the most part, I don't even think about it. I am living a life that I love. A life that doesn't have a lot of empty space in it, to spend the time it takes to work on making a relationship work.

Why do I write all of this? Because ... I was asked out on a date last week. I replayed the conversation in my mind, because I was quite certain that I had misinterpreted the intent. But no ... there was no mistaking it. It was a request to spend time with me.

My reaction? I don't have time for this. I have a young child at home. I need to be home early and not go out any more than I already do.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But, a week has passed since I was approached on this whole 'date' thing. And I thought that something just feels off ...

The idea that someone who has spoken to me twice (including the date request), would ask me out somehow doesn't feel right.

Our conversations consisted of me speaking ... about dancing. Nothing more. His request was for me to teach him to dance. He commented that it is very hard to meet new people. On that, I do tend to agree.

But I'm feeling very greedy right now. I don't want to spend my energy on getting to know someone who is a stranger to me. I don't want to 'teach' someone. I don't want anything less than an equal partnership.

I look at my life and the people in it. My life is still busy. My friends and family inspire me. My time at the dance studio is nothing less than tonic for my soul. I find myself gravitating towards people that energize me. By their thinking, their actions, their honesty and their ability to laugh.

Would I look twice at a 'friendship that caught fire'? Definitely. Would I consider getting to know someone who made me laugh? For sure. Would I think about dating someone who was an equal partner in a conversation ... a conversation that made my knees shake? Yes.

But to spend energy on going out with someone who is a complete and total stranger to me? It frightens me. That was my first instinct and I believe it was a good one.

I'm grateful to be noticed, but I'm getting fussy in my old age. I may spend my years alone ... but I will never be lonely.