It Is Far Better to Give

For the first four and a half decades of my life, I was on the receiving end of life.

I accepted the hand that I was dealt and I played the best 'game' I knew how.

I fell into my life. I propelled myself forward, by keeping in a state of perpetual motion. I reacted to whatever life threw at me.

In my 27th year, I started to become more proactive. I packed up my young family and built a new life. I had never acted more brave. It was a beginning.

Yet ... when someone asked me how I thought that I would ever meet 'someone' again, life began to repeat itself when my answer to that was to say, "He will just show up on my doorstep and say 'Honey, I'm home!' "

It amazes and astounds me to say that the next relationship in my life basically happened just the way I envisioned it. Once again, I put myself back in a reactive role.

I waited for him to make all of the moves. That was who I was. I waited for the phone to ring (which may be sweet at first, but not so much 16 years later). I allowed myself to be placed 'last in the priority of claims' in his life. I devalued myself by putting myself in that position.

It was after that last and final break up, that I began to 'give'.

I picked up the phone and called people. I took on life. I issued invitations. I offered suggestions. I made new friends. I reached out ... and gave of myself.

I have often jokingly said that I was allergic to dialing the phone. Picking up the phone and calling someone is still hard for me to do. But with practise, I have been overcoming this 'allergy'.

Yesterday, I had an epiphany. It was small. But it was big.

I was the one who picked up the phone at Mom's house and accepted the 'date which we were given' for an upcoming appointment for Mom. When I was on the receiving end ... I accepted which I was given, without question or hesitation.

Yesterday, I picked up the phone and called that very same office. I was not reacting to their call. I was initiating the call. I felt more empowered. I didn't demand anything. I simply asked about the possibilities. If I hadn't called, we would have never known that there was a cancellation and Mom could fast track her way to that appointment (at absolutely no inconvenience to anyone).

I wondered why I didn't ask to be put on a 'cancellation list' when I answered their call and quickly accepted the date that they gave us. The answer came to me - it was because I was on the receiving end.

When you sit back and let life happen to you, you are not as effective as you are when you go out and meet it half way.

"It is far better to give than receive"

This applies not only to gifts ... but to life. Give of yourself and miracles happen.