Perfection

"Striving for excellence motivates you;

striving for perfection is demoralizing."

~Harriet Braiker

"I just want to be perfect ... that is all" was my quiet lament in my younger years. If only I was perfect, then people couldn't find anything wrong with me and then they may like me. I may fit in. I may find my place within the world.

It took years of mistakes and maturation to realize that I must forgive myself for the mistakes that I made along the way. In fact I got so comfortable with learning through the errors that I made, I used to jokingly say, "They say you learn from your mistakes ... that is why I am so wise!"

My dance instructor would often remind me that there is no such thing as a mistake. My way was perhaps different or unique and he would sometimes take my propensity to do something 'different' and incorporate that into what he was attempting to teach me. But he stressed that there is no such thing as perfect and he was instrumental in helping me accept and like myself just the way I am.

I would take these wise words from my instructor and bring them into my world. "There are no such things as mistakes; only lessons" was the motto I lived by.

Yes, life was good. I laughed as I 'learned' and I was willing to take the chance on 'learning' via whatever method worked. Often trial and error.

Something has changed.

Yesterday morning I woke up before 4 a.m. with a fist in my chest and I never did fall back to sleep. 'The Newsletter' had to go out at work yesterday. That is my responsibility. I take it very seriously.

Perfection is the goal when it comes to this biweekly communication. This publication reflects where I work so it is important that the details be accurate, pleasant to read and laid out in an eye-catching manner. The importance of my role has been stressed and I strive to meet the expectations that have been laid out before me.

I am getting closer but I'm not there. I cannot seem to attain my goal. When I discovered that I had made a glaring error yesterday I was deflated. My younger me came back to me and actually uttered aloud, "I just want to be perfect ... that is all".

I felt exactly as I did when I was 17 years old. Young (well, that part is good!!), naive, inexperienced and fragile.

Accuracy and attention to detail is a huge part of my overall job description. These are qualities that I place upon myself to a detriment. So much so, that I have found myself doing 'nothing' verses doing 'something that does not meet my standard of perfection' in many areas of my life right now. I have become paralyzed in my fear of making mistakes.

I must refocus. Perfection is impossible. As John Henry Newman would say, "A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault." It is time to push through this and learn to laugh at my mistakes again.

I must delete the word 'perfection' from my vocabulary. Strive towards excellence? Yes. Do my best ... but do something? Definitely! Laugh as I learn? You bet! Perfect? I wouldn't want to be perfect, even if I could.

I will continue to strive towards excellence. I will relearn how to laugh at my mistakes. I must seek out and find my "I think I can" attitude. Most of all, I must just get out there and do my best.

Because ...

No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers.

~Author Unknown