It is Time ...

Live for yourself and you will live in vain;

Live for others, and you will live again.

~Bob Marley~

I keep circling around this place called 'happy'. I reach out and touch it, live it and feel it ... then it wafts away again.

I am wandering in a place that I used to know well but I keep searching for the peace, contentment and happiness that I held onto for quite some time. I know it is attainable but I can't keep it in my hands.

The place that I am at is not bad. It is not an unhappy place. It is more like I am in a state of limbo. It feels like a precarious balancing act at times but I feel safe in knowing that I won't fall. It is just a tiring place to be for too long. And it has been too long.

I have indulged myself in my quest for quiet and solitude. It feels good to be alone and quiet with myself and my thoughts. But too much of a good thing is never great. Half a day was suffice. A second day was overload. So I slept.

I have reached out to those in my world. To be around people and give what I have of myself is a wonderful place to be. Then I come home. The contrast between reaching out & surrounding myself with people and then coming home 'alone' brings a sense of loneliness to my world that I am not accustomed to.

I am feeling a sense of security and calmness inching into my work world. I can sleep through the night again. I know these two factors are related. I am waking up without the fist in my chest again. I know that I am on my way.

I know what I am missing. I am missing the passion. In my younger years, it was during this time that I would find myself in a place of reconciliation and renewing an old relationship. Now? I know that another person and most definitely a relationship will not cure what ails me. I need to find passion within.

Writing. Dancing. Zumba. These are a list of my favorite things. These are the things that I must pursue.

I believe the key to my happiness begins with a quiet sense of peace within. It grows into being in a place where I have something of myself to give to others. It is maintained this by pursuing my passions.

It is time to reach for my dreams again. I need to feel passionate about something that makes my heart sing.

I think it is time to book a dance lesson. Then look into finding some Zumba classes! And the writing will follow ...