My Annual "Loose Ends" Post

As I have been consumed with tying up loose ends lately, I searched my blog to see if I had already used the title "Loose Ends" and it seems that it is an annual event for me:

• April 8, 2010 - "Loose Ends" ... energy spent on not doing things has been wasting a lot of my resources lately
• July 12, 2011 - "Loose Ends" ... I see time and space to pursue that which I had only begun. I see the state of 'completion' in my future

So here I go again ...

This year, the annual Loose Ends Report seems to be more of an internal one.

I have been reflecting on this past year a lot. It has been a messy one and I am almost at the end of it. I will soon be back at the point which all of this began.

There has been a massive amount of clutter which has accumulated within my thoughts. I have dug myself into a hole and I need to dig my way out. My head is in dire need of a good spring cleaning and I must purge myself of the non-productive thinking, negativity and self doubts that have amassed.

I can feel the weight of all that I am not doing zapping my energy. I quite literally sat on the couch this past weekend feeling completely overwhelmed with all that I should be doing. I could have picked myself up off of the couch and done one thing. Instead, I felt paralyzed into a state of inertia.

I have gathered a bit of momentum by tying up a few loose ends that are invisible to the naked eye. I have had various paperwork, forms and renewals which have all been tended to. I have regained some semblance of control there.

My role of 'social co-ordinator' has been fulfilled for the moment. Three gatherings have been arranged, company is coming and a family gathering is on the horizon. Fun times ahead. I feel a good momentum starting here.

I know what my work schedule is for the week. I am only booked to work one day at the job which comes with no guarantee that the hours won't be changed on the spot. I feel energized by this fact.

I have company coming which should spur on a good amount of productivity this week. This is good. And it must continue!

I have one wish for this upcoming year. A predictable and reliable work schedule and pay cheque. I have been working with a variable income for 14 years and this past year was by far the worst.

Financial concerns weigh heavy on my mind. I know that I have enough contingency plans in place that the bills will be covered. But the thing that I miss most of all? Room to dream ...

Perhaps that is why I went out of my way to ensure my passport was renewed before it expired this fall. I may not have the funds to utilize my passport ... but as long as it is valid, I still have room to dream.

When I lose the ability to dream, a part of me dies inside. I need to keep that vital part of me alive. I think that I can find it within. I just need to do a little more spring cleaning ...