What Have I Done?

I woke up to the strange meow of a cat underneath my bed Saturday night. Our New Cat found his way into my room. He did not respect my closed (but not latched) door the way Andre (our Pre-Existing Cat) does. I woke up with a start and I don't think that I ever fell back into a sleep where my brain turned off. The words "What have I done???" ran in a loop in my head for the remainder of my sleepless night.

Why did I go and voluntarily add a complication to our lives when everything was running so smoothly? I felt anxious. Something simply didn't sit well with me.

It is not like I have become completely adverse to change. Is it??

I have spent a fair deal of energy rerouting my abilities to pay the bills. I have tried new things. Several new things. But I have come back to what I know. My daycare.

I have made new friends. Perhaps not recently ... but seeds of friendship that were planted are slowly growing, while long term friendships are in full bloom. Or they blossom the moment they exposed to the sun. I haven't added a lot of new people into my extra-curricular life recently. But getting to know my new little daycare family has enhanced my life.

Last week, I sat back in the quiet of our pre-nap quiet time and breathed in my young little daycare family. There have been some growing pains. It took us a while to get here. But I like these little guys. I really, really do. They snuggle in beside me as tiredness starts to wash through their weary little bodies and I just breathe it all in.

I am loving my new/old life. Much has 'gone to weed' around here while I was gone. The inside of the house needs some scouring, decluttering and some TLC. The outside requires fence repairs, sandbox renovations and massive weed control.

At the moment my energy is being consumed with regaining all that I felt like I lost when I was 'away'. It isn't all consuming. It isn't exhausting. I have been spending my energy slowly and steadily. It is gaining a little bit of momentum which is far, far greater than the state of inertia that I had slipped into the years preceding this.

Enter this New Black Kitty. I don't know if I am ready for him. I am taking my cues from our Senior Cat. He is rolling with the punches and letting this New Kitty find his way around here. Senior Cat follows Junior Cat around in much the same fashion I follow my little Daycare Family. Constant monitoring. Constant teaching. Constant reminders of the rules.

It is exhausting at first. But then? When the work has been done and the heart starts to interconnect with another young being ... you know that it was worth it.

It takes a while. But putting yourself in a place to allow another living being take up space in your heart? It's not a bad place to be. It is just a little scary at first.

I am beginning to see why I have not attracted anyone of the opposite sex into my world. Complications! Who needs them?? I'll try on a new cat for size and get back to you later ...