Feeling Watered Down

I read this quote from a guy who lives in the 16' box truck and writes a blog about it. I am mesmerized by the concept of "living small' and I think this quote sums up why I crave to simplify my life:

"I don't enjoy being busy. I enjoy creating fulfilling work to do, but having too many things going on in my life only dilutes how much of myself I'm able to put into each one." ~ Thoughts From Inside the Box

His words nailed it on the head for me. I do not enjoy the state of busyness. A sense of purpose? Definitely. The feeling of accomplishment? Yes. Enough to do to appreciate the luxury of doing nothing? Absolutely. Being busy? No.

"Creating fulfilling work." Yes. Yes! And YES! As daunting and overwhelmed as I feel when I'm in over my head doing something that matters, it fuels me when I'm doing something that creates a sense of purpose and belonging. It is a little bit like being in the middle of a good novel. You open a book not knowing if you are up to following through and reading until the end. Then you get to the middle and you can't wait to turn the next page. You are on the edge of your seat (or couch or whatever). Then it ends. Yes, I would like to live a life that feels like I'm "living in the middle of a chapter", doing something that matters to me.

"Having too many things going on in my life only dilutes how much of myself I'm able to put into each one." Oh. My. Gosh. YES!! I don't feel like I'm doing anything "right" or "enough" or with passion these days. I just sleep-walked (slept-walked??) through the last week trying to knock too many things off of my eternal to-do list. I got to the end of a day and wondered if I had absorbed any one minute and revelled in it. It was a terrible way to live a week. Yes, I accomplished most of what I had set out to do. But I was miserable while stuck in the mire of that particular chapter of my life. Blech! Last week is not the week I want to be remembered by.

I have done more "impossible things" around the house this morning than I feel like I've done in a month. But I have done so with a purpose and a goal. My second son is headed over and I have about an hour and a half left to do what I want to do. Then I'm going to walk away from all responsibility and live my weekend in the moment. I hope.

That is my goal. To clear the clutter of my life off  my plate this morning and be where I want and need to be this weekend.

Signing off for now. I'll see what words find me as I get quiet and centered. I'll be back!