Regrets? I Have a Few ...

I must write fast. I wrote slowly yesterday and did not have time to post. My words took a turn I wasn't expecting and I had to walk away and go to work. I will try to write what I intended to write yesterday:

Regrets. I have a few...

Yesterday, I focused on the regrets I have. Today, I will steer the same ship in a different direction. I will write of the year I will never regret. The year? 2017.

I had been concerned about Mom for some time. My eyes were opened when we went to her after she broke her wrist. It was the first time in my life I had witnessed Mom in a weakened state, while insisting she was fine on her own. She told us there was no need for concern. My eyes and my heart heard otherwise...

I made one subtle change and it changed my world. I simply showed up.

My life was at a turning point where I could create the flexibility I wanted, needed and craved. I worked for two incredible people who took me on, knowing Mom was my priority. I wanted to be able to go to Edmonton on a moment's notice. And I did.

I went when my heart needed reassurance. I went when I felt Mom could use some company or to have someone with her to go to an appointment. Yes, my brother could have, would have and was prepared to be there for all of that. I went for him too.

Any time I felt the need to go, I went. I went for the good, the bad and the everything in between. I simply showed up.

Did I make mistakes along the way? You bet I did. Almost every night, I had to talk myself down off the cliff and forgive myself for the errors of my ways. "You tried" "You did your best" "You didn't know better at the time" "You know better now" "It's okay" "You tried"...

So many silly mistakes I made along the way which, in the end, did not make a big difference. The end result would not have changed. Could Mom have had a few more comfortable moments? Perhaps. But to make assumptions that she may not be up to certain things would not have been what she wanted. She simply wanted me to "know" without asking. When you don't ask, you make mistakes. When you make mistakes, you learn.

It was a year I will never regret. Do I have memories of regrets along the way? More than I can count. But I kept forgiving myself and doing the best I could do, with what I knew at the time. Which led to a year I know I simply did all I knew how to do. I showed up. Not only for Mom, but for and with and beside my family.

Regrets? I have a few. I would have far less if I never tried. I don't want to be afraid to try. So I will live on to regret another day.

Time is up. I've got to stop writing and live the day. I don't want to regret showing up later than I should have.