It's Always Darkest in the Middle of the Night

As I near the end of my first work week after holidays, "Friday" is my savior. I can do anything for ONE more day.

The weight of the world I felt upon waking the mornings that preceded this one have lifted. I had a human experience that knocked me off my pedestal and I have landed smack dab back in the middle of reality. I made a mistake.

This is not the first time I have made an error in a larger-than-life kind of way (at least it feels like that in the moment I'm in). What I am pondering is: are high stress levels the precursor to these misdeeds? How many times have I been ready to throw in the towel and quit everything preceding some of the bigger mistakes I've made? Almost every time.

The moment I find out I've made a grievous error, I plummet down to earth with a thud. I am human. I am no better than anyone else. I am humbled to a place where I must begin again. Ground zero.

In that moment, I am upset by no one else but myself. I am back in a place where I am the only one who can control how I act and react. I am back in my own driver's seat.

Each time I fall, I pick myself up, dust myself off, make note of the lesson I've learned and take the next forward step. These are a few of the mantras I've picked up along the way:

• In the thick of a chaotic, stressful, anxiety ridden moment, do NOT make any sudden moves.
• Act. Don't REact.
• See how it feels in the morning.
• Listen to that which wakes you up at night.
• If the same thing continues waking you up at night, your inner voice is telling you something you need to know.

Waking up to this morning wasn't as hard as waking up to yesterday or the day before or the day before that. I hit my peak of darkness "yesterday". I couldn't see the light. I felt powerless. 

May you find a light to guide you through your own personal dark spells. It is there somewhere. It may feel out of reach. You may have to stumble and fall before you find it. 

Don't give up. 

There comes a point when the darkness turns to light. But it is hard to remember that because it always feels darkest in the middle of the night.