My mind is colored with dancing thoughts lately.
The dance holiday that is pending has tainted my view on the world. Everything I do has a backdrop of music and the sensation of wafting on air ...
The world continues to spin around me. I must tend to 'life' as I normally do. But with every breath that I take, every thought that I think and every action I follow through on ... I am thinking about dancing.
School and work - what must I accomplish before I go away? Budgeting - I'll spend what I need to spend to be prepared for this competition and figure out the math at the end. Home and kids - I think it's covered. I have an amazing little family that can function independently and keep things running on the home front while I am away. Primping, preparing and packing - my head contains a running list of what I've done, what I need to do and what I can't do until I'm 'there'.
There is a happy medley of thoughts flitting in and out of my mind these days. I'm already getting my money's worth from this holiday. And it hasn't even begun ...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
New Traditions
Our new tradition of a family Sunday supper has been put by the wayside for several weeks.
First of all there was Christmas, and we were scattered out among a few provinces. Then First Son went on a holiday so there wasn't a formal 'Sunday Supper' in his absence. This past Sunday was to be the return of our new found ritual.
Then it happened.
Life got in the way. Some unforeseen plans came up and there was uncertainty if the supper-date would be attainable. I don't want our family suppers to be a job for any of us, so I naturally adopted a go-with-the-flow attitude. If things work out, let me know. If not, we would fall back and have our Sunday Supper on Monday.
As it turns out, I was the one who messed up the plan. When I didn't get a call regarding a change in plans by mid-afternoon, I decided that My Youngest and I were in need of an outing. We decided to go and see a movie on the spur of the moment.
I love spur of the moment. My Youngest has been doing a lot of babysitting lately and he has sacrificed some of his weekend-time with his friends to take on this responsibility. So when his friend wasn't home when he called on Sunday afternoon, I decided to swoop in and take advantage of the moment.
I'm glad that I did.
My Youngest is quite content in his/our world. But I know from experience, that these years are all too fleeting. There are moments in time that we simply won't get back. And the stronger our relationship is before he enters the Trying Teens, the better off we will be in the years to come. So yes, I worry. I need to know I'm doing my best.
As it turns out, had we not gone to see the movie our Sunday Supper would have unfolded as planned. Whoops. I had a moment where I felt like I was choosing between my children and I didn't enjoy the sensation. But I knew that I was, where I was meant to be.
We had our Sunday Supper last night. And it was better than I could have hoped for. A weekday supper had each of us in a slightly different mind-set. It felt relaxed. It felt right. I knew that we were, where we were meant to be.
This family supper tradition is new for us. But it is amazing. As my Two Oldest compare notes on holiday destinations and life, I feel the years between them starting to close. I love the fact that I can sit back and listen to the two of them converse. They don't need me in the middle to guide the conversation or mediate a topic. All is calm. All is bright.
It is a new tradition. One that I hope doesn't get lost in the chaotic world of day-to-day-living. They say it takes three weeks to form a habit. We are past the three week mark. But I know from experience ... that it only takes once to break that habit.
I'm glad that we haven't broken our habit.
First of all there was Christmas, and we were scattered out among a few provinces. Then First Son went on a holiday so there wasn't a formal 'Sunday Supper' in his absence. This past Sunday was to be the return of our new found ritual.
Then it happened.
Life got in the way. Some unforeseen plans came up and there was uncertainty if the supper-date would be attainable. I don't want our family suppers to be a job for any of us, so I naturally adopted a go-with-the-flow attitude. If things work out, let me know. If not, we would fall back and have our Sunday Supper on Monday.
As it turns out, I was the one who messed up the plan. When I didn't get a call regarding a change in plans by mid-afternoon, I decided that My Youngest and I were in need of an outing. We decided to go and see a movie on the spur of the moment.
I love spur of the moment. My Youngest has been doing a lot of babysitting lately and he has sacrificed some of his weekend-time with his friends to take on this responsibility. So when his friend wasn't home when he called on Sunday afternoon, I decided to swoop in and take advantage of the moment.
I'm glad that I did.
My Youngest is quite content in his/our world. But I know from experience, that these years are all too fleeting. There are moments in time that we simply won't get back. And the stronger our relationship is before he enters the Trying Teens, the better off we will be in the years to come. So yes, I worry. I need to know I'm doing my best.
As it turns out, had we not gone to see the movie our Sunday Supper would have unfolded as planned. Whoops. I had a moment where I felt like I was choosing between my children and I didn't enjoy the sensation. But I knew that I was, where I was meant to be.
We had our Sunday Supper last night. And it was better than I could have hoped for. A weekday supper had each of us in a slightly different mind-set. It felt relaxed. It felt right. I knew that we were, where we were meant to be.
This family supper tradition is new for us. But it is amazing. As my Two Oldest compare notes on holiday destinations and life, I feel the years between them starting to close. I love the fact that I can sit back and listen to the two of them converse. They don't need me in the middle to guide the conversation or mediate a topic. All is calm. All is bright.
It is a new tradition. One that I hope doesn't get lost in the chaotic world of day-to-day-living. They say it takes three weeks to form a habit. We are past the three week mark. But I know from experience ... that it only takes once to break that habit.
I'm glad that we haven't broken our habit.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Better Than Planned!
I was flustered and bothered yesterday morning (Such is Life) about how badly 'life' was interfering with my plans. I wasn't looking forward to a day that was not going to go according to plan ... again. But, the day went better than I could have ever anticipated.
Going to school on a Saturday meant: lots of parking! and a ultra-quiet classroom environment. It was great. I had planned on working two hours, but I was accomplishing so much that I decided to stay for three.
I had just arrived home and swallowed the last bite of my lunch, when the phone rang. My book-keeping work (along with the required explanations) was en route.
I had no time to lull myself into a laid-back mode. The momentum from a productive morning spilled over into a productive afternoon.
Because I was already in the thick of my work (and through the worst of it) by supper time, I actually wanted to get back to it last night.
Best laid plans ... sometimes it's a disappointment when things don't unfold in the manner in which you expect. But ... sometimes it's better!
Yesterday was most definitely a better day than I anticipated.
Going to school on a Saturday meant: lots of parking! and a ultra-quiet classroom environment. It was great. I had planned on working two hours, but I was accomplishing so much that I decided to stay for three.
I had just arrived home and swallowed the last bite of my lunch, when the phone rang. My book-keeping work (along with the required explanations) was en route.
I had no time to lull myself into a laid-back mode. The momentum from a productive morning spilled over into a productive afternoon.
Because I was already in the thick of my work (and through the worst of it) by supper time, I actually wanted to get back to it last night.
Best laid plans ... sometimes it's a disappointment when things don't unfold in the manner in which you expect. But ... sometimes it's better!
Yesterday was most definitely a better day than I anticipated.
The Abyss of Overspending
When I was in over my head in debt, I felt like I was in quicksand. Any money that I made went to pay for things that I already had. If ever there was a windfall that came my way, I would think ''that will pay for (an already purchased item)".
I longed for the day when I would receive a small bonus and know that it was truly mine to spend. It hadn't already been spent. I'm a master at juggling the books to make things work out financially. What it all boiled down to, was that (even though I could trick myself into believing it was okay) I was spending more than I made.
It took a while (and some creative solutions), but I have accomplished my goal of living within my means. I am living on the 'plus' side of life, and it is grand. When I receive an unexpected $30.oo ... it is mine, to spend as I wish. It isn't lost in the excess of my spending.
This upcoming dance competition has me standing on the edge. I have it covered. But I am relying on future income sources to pay for it. It isn't 'money in the bank'. Plain and simple ... it is debt.
I was on the receiving end of some very unexpected windfalls this Christmas. With them, came the spoken or unspoken message that it was to go towards my dream - this upcoming dance event.
As I wade into the weeks of overindulging that I have before me, I have earmarked certain expenses that have been covered by my Christmas gifts. They have paid for the extra dance lessons, new dance shoes and my upcoming hair appointment. I have been paid in advance by my Second Son for his room and board. That went to cover my trip expenses.
I have been hoarding every extra bit of 'bonus money' that I have received for the past year and a half. Instead of putting that money into a savings account, I put it towards my mortgage. So now that I am finally spending some of this hard-saved money ... it feels like debt (I'm now 're-borrowing' the funds that I had used to pay down the principal balance of my mortgage).
I have it justified in my mind. I have truly done the saving and sacrificing for this trip. I have future income that is going to replenish this bout of over-the-top spending.
But at this very moment, I have negative signs running through my mind. I owe, I owe, I owe. This feeling of already owing so much has me thinking that spending a little more really doesn't matter. What is a little bit more, when you already owe so much??
I made a careless remark before Christmas about how small amounts of money are lost in 'the abyss of debt'. That statement wasn't pointing fingers at anyone but myself. I have an internalized way of thinking about money, debt and money-gifts. When you owe thousands upon thousands of dollars, how far does $50.00 really go?
As I stand on the brink of spending money in a way that I haven't done before ... I am nervous. I have to juggle the books so that I'm living back in the black. Those minus signs before my bank and credit card balance cause some dangerous thinking. I'm already in debt, so what's a little more?
But, before I get my feet back on the ground there is a little more shopping that I want to do ... and so goes the cycle of overspending.
I longed for the day when I would receive a small bonus and know that it was truly mine to spend. It hadn't already been spent. I'm a master at juggling the books to make things work out financially. What it all boiled down to, was that (even though I could trick myself into believing it was okay) I was spending more than I made.
It took a while (and some creative solutions), but I have accomplished my goal of living within my means. I am living on the 'plus' side of life, and it is grand. When I receive an unexpected $30.oo ... it is mine, to spend as I wish. It isn't lost in the excess of my spending.
This upcoming dance competition has me standing on the edge. I have it covered. But I am relying on future income sources to pay for it. It isn't 'money in the bank'. Plain and simple ... it is debt.
I was on the receiving end of some very unexpected windfalls this Christmas. With them, came the spoken or unspoken message that it was to go towards my dream - this upcoming dance event.
As I wade into the weeks of overindulging that I have before me, I have earmarked certain expenses that have been covered by my Christmas gifts. They have paid for the extra dance lessons, new dance shoes and my upcoming hair appointment. I have been paid in advance by my Second Son for his room and board. That went to cover my trip expenses.
I have been hoarding every extra bit of 'bonus money' that I have received for the past year and a half. Instead of putting that money into a savings account, I put it towards my mortgage. So now that I am finally spending some of this hard-saved money ... it feels like debt (I'm now 're-borrowing' the funds that I had used to pay down the principal balance of my mortgage).
I have it justified in my mind. I have truly done the saving and sacrificing for this trip. I have future income that is going to replenish this bout of over-the-top spending.
But at this very moment, I have negative signs running through my mind. I owe, I owe, I owe. This feeling of already owing so much has me thinking that spending a little more really doesn't matter. What is a little bit more, when you already owe so much??
I made a careless remark before Christmas about how small amounts of money are lost in 'the abyss of debt'. That statement wasn't pointing fingers at anyone but myself. I have an internalized way of thinking about money, debt and money-gifts. When you owe thousands upon thousands of dollars, how far does $50.00 really go?
As I stand on the brink of spending money in a way that I haven't done before ... I am nervous. I have to juggle the books so that I'm living back in the black. Those minus signs before my bank and credit card balance cause some dangerous thinking. I'm already in debt, so what's a little more?
But, before I get my feet back on the ground there is a little more shopping that I want to do ... and so goes the cycle of overspending.
The Man of My Dreams
I met him last night.
What started as a mild attraction grew as each facet of his personality and life was unveiled to me. I felt it ricochet back to me, as he came to know me.
You learn so much about a person by the life they build, how they live it and the people they surround themselves with. I was impressed by everything I saw. I could feel myself swoon with the knowledge that 'he is the one' ...
I was attracted to him in a way I have been attracted to no one else. It was mutual. It was fun.
It was a dream.
Ahhh ... what a sad thing to awaken from. But as the dream starts to fade, I have hope. The man of my dreams was not anyone I knew. Someone I haven't met yet.
I'm not looking, but I will know him when I meet him.
What started as a mild attraction grew as each facet of his personality and life was unveiled to me. I felt it ricochet back to me, as he came to know me.
You learn so much about a person by the life they build, how they live it and the people they surround themselves with. I was impressed by everything I saw. I could feel myself swoon with the knowledge that 'he is the one' ...
I was attracted to him in a way I have been attracted to no one else. It was mutual. It was fun.
It was a dream.
Ahhh ... what a sad thing to awaken from. But as the dream starts to fade, I have hope. The man of my dreams was not anyone I knew. Someone I haven't met yet.
I'm not looking, but I will know him when I meet him.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Such is Life
The last few days threw me off of my groove. Best laid plans ... just laid there.
There was a time when I could make the best of whatever situation befell me. My daycare days were full of days like those. Last minute cancellations meant less kids to tend and more options with what to do with our day. Lots of kids meant I had to be ultra organized and so I went into super-drive. A cancelled dance lesson meant that I had time for other things. Extra dance lessons meant that I had to squeeze the need-to-do-things into a shorter time frame. I was adaptable.
This week, getting back into the groove of motivating myself throughout the days was a challenge. With dancing as my backdrop to all of these activities, I managed to accomplish a lot with the time that I had.
Then ... there was a water main break at the school. An unexpected day off of school for the kids. Day #1 - we made the best of the situation and worked around it. Thankfully I had only one child to tend that day, so the adjustments were relatively easy to make. Then, came Day #2. I had double the children (yes, only two), but it meant that the prior days game plan wouldn't work.
I was stuck in neutral. All day.
I kept playing games in my mind trying to fool myself into getting motivated. But all I seemed to do was think, "I should be at school ... I should be at school ... I should be at school". After school (I only needed to put in a half-day), I was going to have the bonus of having a free afternoon to myself, by myself. I lost my 'bonus-day'.
I think I pouted. It was a complete and utter waste of a day. I puttered, I frittered, I read and I dozed. But I accomplished absolutely nothing (my mom will be grateful that I made the time to write her a letter). It took Herculean strength at the end of the day, to tidy up the house and get my 'Friday chores' tended.
So today, I must go to school. Going to school on a Saturday almost feels as terrible as going to work on a Saturday.
I have (what sounds like) a big and time consuming book-keeping task to tend this weekend ... only I will already be at school at the time she would have been able to explain what I need to do. And since she is working all day, I will not get those instructions until the end of the day.
I like to be in the home stretch of winding up my weekend-work by suppertime on a Saturday. Not just getting it.
I was so excited to have the first three days of this week go so well and according to the plan I had mapped out in my mind. Even the fourth day was pretty good. But the last few days? I just haven't been able to maximize my time and energy because my work load is not going according to plan.
C'est la vie ...
I guess I'll just put on my 'Wizzy Wig' and let this cheerful little song be the back drop to this Saturday that is (third day running) not going according to plan.
There was a time when I could make the best of whatever situation befell me. My daycare days were full of days like those. Last minute cancellations meant less kids to tend and more options with what to do with our day. Lots of kids meant I had to be ultra organized and so I went into super-drive. A cancelled dance lesson meant that I had time for other things. Extra dance lessons meant that I had to squeeze the need-to-do-things into a shorter time frame. I was adaptable.
This week, getting back into the groove of motivating myself throughout the days was a challenge. With dancing as my backdrop to all of these activities, I managed to accomplish a lot with the time that I had.
Then ... there was a water main break at the school. An unexpected day off of school for the kids. Day #1 - we made the best of the situation and worked around it. Thankfully I had only one child to tend that day, so the adjustments were relatively easy to make. Then, came Day #2. I had double the children (yes, only two), but it meant that the prior days game plan wouldn't work.
I was stuck in neutral. All day.
I kept playing games in my mind trying to fool myself into getting motivated. But all I seemed to do was think, "I should be at school ... I should be at school ... I should be at school". After school (I only needed to put in a half-day), I was going to have the bonus of having a free afternoon to myself, by myself. I lost my 'bonus-day'.
I think I pouted. It was a complete and utter waste of a day. I puttered, I frittered, I read and I dozed. But I accomplished absolutely nothing (my mom will be grateful that I made the time to write her a letter). It took Herculean strength at the end of the day, to tidy up the house and get my 'Friday chores' tended.
So today, I must go to school. Going to school on a Saturday almost feels as terrible as going to work on a Saturday.
I have (what sounds like) a big and time consuming book-keeping task to tend this weekend ... only I will already be at school at the time she would have been able to explain what I need to do. And since she is working all day, I will not get those instructions until the end of the day.
I like to be in the home stretch of winding up my weekend-work by suppertime on a Saturday. Not just getting it.
I was so excited to have the first three days of this week go so well and according to the plan I had mapped out in my mind. Even the fourth day was pretty good. But the last few days? I just haven't been able to maximize my time and energy because my work load is not going according to plan.
C'est la vie ...
I guess I'll just put on my 'Wizzy Wig' and let this cheerful little song be the back drop to this Saturday that is (third day running) not going according to plan.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Wizzy Wig
WYSIWYG. "What you see is what you get" ... this is a term that I learned in the 'Introduction to the Internet' course that I am taking (long story, but it relates to the background computer language that goes on behind the scenes as we easily post things on the Internet).
Wizzy wig. I love it! This is the attitude that I want to ingrain within myself. What you see is what you get.
With all of the stewing and fretting that I have been immersing myself in, this week in relation to the 'face' I must put on when I attend this dance competition, I just want to adopt a 'wizzy wig' attitude and fly with it.
I just want to relax within myself and put my best face forward.
A bad hair day?? I'll just put on my 'wizzy wig' and keep on dancing. I wonder what colors those wigs come in ...
Wizzy wig. I love it! This is the attitude that I want to ingrain within myself. What you see is what you get.
With all of the stewing and fretting that I have been immersing myself in, this week in relation to the 'face' I must put on when I attend this dance competition, I just want to adopt a 'wizzy wig' attitude and fly with it.
I just want to relax within myself and put my best face forward.
A bad hair day?? I'll just put on my 'wizzy wig' and keep on dancing. I wonder what colors those wigs come in ...
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