Everyone Has a Story

I am working for a man who is gradually pealing back the layers of his 'story' and telling me little sound bites from his life.

I know only a very small piece of who this man was and who he has come to be. But hearing of his humble beginnings and seeing what he's made of his life has opened my eyes and ears. I want to hear more.

I know many people that I care about are going through some of the most challenging times of their lives right now. I know there is a story behind all that isn't said ... and all that is said in outbursts of words and emotions.

Everyone we cross paths with has that story going on in the background of their mind. The clerk that appears gruff and defensive may have just been reamed out by a customer. The person who is quiet and seemingly afraid to speak, may waiting for an opening. Someone who is laughing on the outside may be crying within.

We just never know what is happening within the thoughts of another. Even those we know well.

As I searched my mind for the words I wanted to find, I found this quote:

Teach this triple truth to all:

A generous heart,

kind speech,

and a life of service

and compassion

are the things which renew humanity.

Buddha

Sometimes, words are not enough. Kindness, caring and compassion go a long way when you can't find the words.

When I go silent, it is because I am unsure what to say. Or as Winnie the Pooh would say:

"Don't underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

Sometimes that is exactly what you need to do.

So ... That Was a Weekend

I flipped back through the calendar to find out the last time that I took a complete, two day weekend. On a weekend. It was in July.

In August, I took off the holiday Monday. I didn't work on a Wednesday/Thursday. A Sunday/Monday. Then there was the Monday through Wednesday holiday. But not two, consecutive weekend days. Until this past weekend.

It was great.

I emailed, I talked with friends on the phone, I went to a play, I finished reading a book, I ran errands, I hung out with My Youngest for an afternoon one day and went to a Corn Maze with 'my boys' another, then had supper with My Oldest last night. And I slept.

Taking time off when 'the rest of the world' is off with you, is a wonderful thing. But then again ... so is taking time off when 'the rest of the world' is working.

I guess the secret, is to have a variance between those days of responsibility verses the days of relaxation. Because, do you know what? Three days off, was one day too long.

It feels good to be facing my responsibilities once again, after a weekend of rejuvination.

If Money is the Worst of Our Troubles ...

"If wealth is lost, nothing is lost. If health is lost, something is lost. But, if character is lost, everything is lost." ~ Unknown

If money can solve all of our troubles, we are fortunate.

At this very moment, I have three updates from friends sitting in my inbox. Updates on health issues and concerns where there are no quick and easy answers. No amount of money can fix these problems. Medicine, time, faith. advancements in the health field and miracles are the answers to the prayers of those who walk this path.

Heartache, sorrow and loss. My world is touched with people who have an ache in their heart. Many different scenarios ... time will help to heal the wounds in some cases ... in others, nothing in the world can make up for the years lost. Missing out on precious years because of a breakdown in family communications - no amount of money can make up for that time. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Every day that we live, is a day to make amends, make memories and make a difference. As long as there is life, there is hope ...

Happiness and contentment. You can't buy it. There isn't one magical formula that works for all. It is a unique and special gift. If you chase it, it is illusive. To have it and hold onto it ... is a blessing. You can have all of the money in the world, but still feel empty and hollow within. Without inner peace, what good is money? I would rather be poor and happy ... than rich and empty within.

Character. The ability to sleep at night because your conscience is clear and empty. To live a life where you do 'the right thing', live honestly and give the best of yourself to those that touch your life. It doesn't cost a penny to be kind. A smile and gentle touch are priceless. The words you say to a stranger can make all the difference in the world. Living by The Golden Rule - "do unto others, as you would have done unto you", enriches your soul.

That which is worth having, can't be bought. Life, health, happiness and character - that is how I choose to measure my net worth. The dividends paid are friends who feel like family and family who feel like friends.

There are days where budgeting and money concerns overrule what I know to be true. I have my health and the health of my family. I have an inner contentment that carries me through times of difficulty. I live a life where I can go to sleep at night, knowing that I have lived by The Golden Rule. I have family and friends that enrich my life.

I am rich in all of the ways that matter. If money is the worst of my troubles ... I am very lucky indeed!

October 9th

I was cleaning off a 'note to myself' on the whiteboard - a place where I write things that I need to remember. And I found the words "October 9" scrawled to the side of another note.

October 9th.

Hmmm. Not related to the message that I wrote to myself about calling someone Thursday morning.

I do remember saying the words "My calendar is empty" ... so I flipped the calendar page to see if I happened to write any further details on the calendar page for the 9th of October. Nothing.

Who did I talk to that morning? Later that day? Why does it ring a faint, faint bell?

My mind is scattered. I keep telling My Son that I can't remember things because my brain is too full. Then I try to think of what is filling it up and I am unsure about what is filling up all the vacant space.

If anyone knows what I am supposed to do or know about October 9th, please contact me. Preferably by email so that I have a written reminder.

'Me' Time

August was a challenging month. So was July. There was a lot of good stuff tossed into those months, but it is my fear that the summer of 2010 will be forever etched as The Year of Transition in my mind.

A new schedule to juggle, a new budget to figure out and flexibility in my life that has been a blessing ... at the expense of working evenings, weekends and what feels like all of the time.

I am not complaining. I took an entire day off 'just for me' last month. I spent time gallivanting around the country side, visiting family and making the most of Mom's visit out here. I took My Youngest and a friend on a holiday (which equated to almost 100% relaxation and a feeling of getting away from it all for me).

But the price that I paid was working weekends and evenings to make up for all the time I played. This was a sacrifice I made willingly. But it's akin to my 12 year old getting his days and nights mixed up over the summer holidays. I got my weeks and weekends mixed up.

Since our return from our mini-holiday nine days ago ... I have worked. I have worked eight days in a row. I have logged 70 'billable hours'. I've been mothering my children. I succeeded in making the August budget come out in the black - I've been pinching pennies here so I could spend them there. I've been stealing hours from the weekdays and giving up time that I used to be able to call my own.

I've been plagued by the knowledge that my dance lessons are most definitely a luxury item in my new budget. Last month, I had two lessons instead of my usual 'four'. As the time was nearing for my next lesson, I thought of all of the money that I could save if I gave up dancing. As I sat on the deck, enjoying the evening and my family last Thursday night I knew that was exactly where I wanted to be. As a friend told me that she was taking (hopefully only a temporary) a break from dancing, I thought "I should do that too" ...

Then ... yesterday arrived. Thursday. My dance lesson was booked and I was going.

The day was not a day without challenges. I was torn in too many directions. I had work that I wanted to get done, hours I needed to log and I was being pulled away from my responsibilities again. My mind was full of worries that were not mine to own. Little things were feeling bigger than they were. But each and every time that I remembered that I had my dance lesson that night, I felt a shiver of excitement run through my veins. Dancing - my gift to myself. An evening where I got to go out and step away from this responsibility-filled life. 'Me' time!!!

To make matters even better, I started the day by sending an email to a friend. Which reminded me that there was a play we had talked about going to see. The play is finished running this weekend and she is going away. Lost opportunity. Or was it???

I have another friend that has often come up with last minute, fun ideas and invited me to tag along. I picked up the phone that very instant and called to see if she'd like to go to this play with me. She told me that she was already going, but I was free to join them.

This was feeling like such a perfect and spontaneous idea that I quickly emailed two other friends to see if they could come. Then (I waited until 9 a.m.), I called the ticket office and found out that the tickets were sold out. I was not deflated for a moment. I had an excuse to contact three different friends and the idea of an evening out with friends was as exciting as the reality. The gift, was touching base with my friends.

Then ... as the afternoon played out, it turned out that if I was willing to volunteer to hand out programs at this play I could not only go and see this sold out play, but I could do it for free!! So I get to go after all (what a charmed life I lead).

Knowing that I was going dancing that night ... making plans for an evening this upcoming weekend. It was then, that I realized why I am feeling so drained lately. I've been sacrificing that which fuels me.

Dancing. I need that evening to step away from it all. Even when it is all good. Last night, my instructor immediately picked up on my cues and got me so busy concentrating on our routine that I didn't have room to let my mind wander on anything besides that very moment. The laughter flowed freely and my head was consumed with nothing but dancing. Perfection.

Friendship. Even when plans don't happen to fall together as you hope, the gift is in the contact. Reaching out and knowing you have a friend is one of the best gifts of all.

Yes, the past few months have been harried and hectic. But yesterday, I was reminded that as long as I take time for 'me' ... I can keep on going.

Marking TIme

My Middle Son turns 23 year old today ... he's done a lot in those years.

He's tried out a handful of 'careers' and each job has been a stepping stone to the next. Some of the correlations are more illusive than others, but where he is today is a direct result of all of those connections.

He's a guy that sees what he wants and goes for it. He's had his eye on the ball ever since I can remember (and most especially after he received that first pay cheque).

He's creative, unafraid to dream and fearless when it comes to going after those dreams.

There are learning curves every step along the way. If we use every experience - good or bad - as a lesson, we have the opportunity to become very wise.

School doesn't teach one everything they need to know in life. Living life to the fullest, daring to pursue your dreams, picking yourself up and carrying on will teach you lessons you will never forget.

At age 23, my Middle Son has learned a lot. I see him putting each lesson to use as he strategically plans his next step.

You have only just begun, My Son ... I can't wait to see what you make of your life.

Day #1 - The New Reality

It's almost 8 a.m. and another morning is slipping out of my hands. Is this my new reality??

I thought that the return of school would do something positive for my organizational skills. Instead, it just managed to throw the routines that were finally falling into place all out of whack.

I have been ready, willing and able to start my bookkeeping tasks at 8 a.m. for four out of the past six mornings. Yesterday? Not.

8:00 a.m. - I remembered that I had forgotten to make a lunch for My Youngest. Of course I was out of the routine, so none of my little shortcuts were in place. It took at least twice as long as it should have taken. Ten minutes ... lost.

8:10 a.m. - The phone rang. My first day back in daycare mode and I thought "Oh no! It's starting already". But I was wrong. It was my bookkeeping boss calling for my hours. We talked 'work' until my daycare charge arrived at ...

8:20 a.m. - My one and only daycare responsibility arrived. I haven't seen him or his mom since June, so we had lots of details to exchange and talk about.

8:40 a.m. - I walked the boys to school. With each of them loaded down with a full and heavy back pack plus a plastic bag full of the excess, I thought they could use some assistance. Plus, this is why I'm working from home. To be able to do these 'little things'.

9:00 a.m. - I had to come home and 'blog a bit' about my morning's musings.

9:20 a.m. - 11:45 a.m. - I worked. I was concentrating, accomplishing the task set out before me and moving right along. It was going to be a very good day.

11:45 a.m. - My stomach had been rumbling for at least a half hour. It was time to toast a bagel. To work while I ate? Or to take a 15 minute break? That was the question.

11:45 - 12:15 p.m. - A half hour break won. I had budgeting ideas floating in my head and I took the time to scribble them down and see if they made as much sense on paper, as they did in my head.

12:18 p.m. - A call from my typing job. Could I come in at 1:00? Sure.

12:19 p.m. - Second Son comes home bearing coffee and lunch for us. The coffee looked wonderful and I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd already eaten. So I ate a second lunch. We visited until I had to leave for my typing job.

1:00 - 3:10 p.m. - I worked at my second job. I messed something up right as it was time to leave and I had to stay and fix it.

3:15 p.m. - I raced home to arrive moments before My Son, my daycare charge and two of my son's friends came home from school. My Youngest was the happiest and most animated that he has been since the last day of school. He didn't want to return to school ... but it was the best thing for him.

3:45 - 5:45 p.m. - Back to my bookkeeping. Finally!!!

5:45 - 6:35 p.m. - Supper break. I took out hamburger and Second Son spiced it up, formed the patties and BBQ'd it. I put fries in the oven. Voila! A meal.

6:35 - 7:25 p.m. - Back to the books. See how much I can do before ....

7:25 p.m. - I ran over to My Oldest's home to drive him to the place where he just bought a car. Filled my car up with extra tires that went with the car deal, back home again and we took time to admire My Oldest's shiny new black Cadillac.

8:30 - 11:45 p.m. - Back to the books. Again. The house was finally quiet. The phone didn't ring. I didn't have to stop for nourishment. No one asked anything else of me. I worked. Until one portion of a labor intensive task was complete.

12:30 a.m. - I closed my eyes.

5:45 a.m. - I opened my eyes.

I've been flitting from one task to the next all morning. It is now 8:30 a.m. and I'm back to where I was this time yesterday.

It's a new day. I don't need to help the kids with excessive school supplies this morning. I have a new bookkeeping task to tend. I don't expect a call from my typing job. I should be able to work at a steady pace and finish my work before supper.

That is the plan. But we'll see what this second day of my new reality brings ...