'Me' Time

August was a challenging month. So was July. There was a lot of good stuff tossed into those months, but it is my fear that the summer of 2010 will be forever etched as The Year of Transition in my mind.

A new schedule to juggle, a new budget to figure out and flexibility in my life that has been a blessing ... at the expense of working evenings, weekends and what feels like all of the time.

I am not complaining. I took an entire day off 'just for me' last month. I spent time gallivanting around the country side, visiting family and making the most of Mom's visit out here. I took My Youngest and a friend on a holiday (which equated to almost 100% relaxation and a feeling of getting away from it all for me).

But the price that I paid was working weekends and evenings to make up for all the time I played. This was a sacrifice I made willingly. But it's akin to my 12 year old getting his days and nights mixed up over the summer holidays. I got my weeks and weekends mixed up.

Since our return from our mini-holiday nine days ago ... I have worked. I have worked eight days in a row. I have logged 70 'billable hours'. I've been mothering my children. I succeeded in making the August budget come out in the black - I've been pinching pennies here so I could spend them there. I've been stealing hours from the weekdays and giving up time that I used to be able to call my own.

I've been plagued by the knowledge that my dance lessons are most definitely a luxury item in my new budget. Last month, I had two lessons instead of my usual 'four'. As the time was nearing for my next lesson, I thought of all of the money that I could save if I gave up dancing. As I sat on the deck, enjoying the evening and my family last Thursday night I knew that was exactly where I wanted to be. As a friend told me that she was taking (hopefully only a temporary) a break from dancing, I thought "I should do that too" ...

Then ... yesterday arrived. Thursday. My dance lesson was booked and I was going.

The day was not a day without challenges. I was torn in too many directions. I had work that I wanted to get done, hours I needed to log and I was being pulled away from my responsibilities again. My mind was full of worries that were not mine to own. Little things were feeling bigger than they were. But each and every time that I remembered that I had my dance lesson that night, I felt a shiver of excitement run through my veins. Dancing - my gift to myself. An evening where I got to go out and step away from this responsibility-filled life. 'Me' time!!!

To make matters even better, I started the day by sending an email to a friend. Which reminded me that there was a play we had talked about going to see. The play is finished running this weekend and she is going away. Lost opportunity. Or was it???

I have another friend that has often come up with last minute, fun ideas and invited me to tag along. I picked up the phone that very instant and called to see if she'd like to go to this play with me. She told me that she was already going, but I was free to join them.

This was feeling like such a perfect and spontaneous idea that I quickly emailed two other friends to see if they could come. Then (I waited until 9 a.m.), I called the ticket office and found out that the tickets were sold out. I was not deflated for a moment. I had an excuse to contact three different friends and the idea of an evening out with friends was as exciting as the reality. The gift, was touching base with my friends.

Then ... as the afternoon played out, it turned out that if I was willing to volunteer to hand out programs at this play I could not only go and see this sold out play, but I could do it for free!! So I get to go after all (what a charmed life I lead).

Knowing that I was going dancing that night ... making plans for an evening this upcoming weekend. It was then, that I realized why I am feeling so drained lately. I've been sacrificing that which fuels me.

Dancing. I need that evening to step away from it all. Even when it is all good. Last night, my instructor immediately picked up on my cues and got me so busy concentrating on our routine that I didn't have room to let my mind wander on anything besides that very moment. The laughter flowed freely and my head was consumed with nothing but dancing. Perfection.

Friendship. Even when plans don't happen to fall together as you hope, the gift is in the contact. Reaching out and knowing you have a friend is one of the best gifts of all.

Yes, the past few months have been harried and hectic. But yesterday, I was reminded that as long as I take time for 'me' ... I can keep on going.