Taking a Stand

If a thought resonates in your mind long after the conversation is over, an emotional chord has been struck.

I had one such conversation a short while ago. What is normally an easy going give and take conversation, took a turn that surprised me. I felt like I was being judged ...

I avoid confrontation. This may explain a lot of turns that my life has taken. Over the course of time, I have found 'work around' solutions to issues that have needed to be dealt with.

I believe that you can make a stronger impact by first - trying to look at the situation from the other person's perspective. In almost every case, that is my knee jerk reaction.

As an employee, I looked at things from my bosses perspective. As a daycare provider, I put myself in the parent's shoes. As a friend, I empathize withe where that person is coming from. As a parent and 'partner' ... the lines tend to get fuzzier because there are many more emotions that can arise. But all in all, I feel like I try to walk a mile in another person's shoes and it keeps my reactions in line with what I expect of myself.

My first line of offense, is to try and help the other person do the same. I try to offer scenarios where they see the same situation from a different angle. More often than not, it shifts the whole dynamic of the conversation. You can feel the change as the other party takes a moment to ponder their thoughts from a new vantage point.

Quite often, it happens that a person is talking about someone else. It is so much easier to put another person down if you aren't face to face with that party. I have been fortunate to be the 'nice guy' and usually people aren't confronting me personally. So I will turn a situation into a 'what if this was me' scenario. Once again, it gives me the opportunity to subtly offer my view.

I will talk about what I've felt, how I've reacted and what I've done in parallel situations. I don't tell people what to do. I try not to give advise. I am honest in my imperfectness and appreciate the fact that every situation is different ... but it helps to let another person know that they are not alone.

But what do I do when someone tells me something that is offensive to a person who isn't there to defend themselves? Do I take a stand? Or am I just a wishy washy push over??

These thoughts have been in the fore front of my mind since that conversation. What do I do when push comes to shove? Do I do enough? Should I be more assertive? Am I a good person??

Life is a good teacher. It hands out lessons as necessary. There were a few incidents which happened in close succession to each other. Did I have time to consciously react? No. I did what I do instinctively.

In one case I said nothing. After hashing it over in my mind, I know that was the best reaction for me. The 'story' involved four people. Two of them were absent. The story could have been about me. The person relaying this little tale will never know if it was or not. Because I didn't say a word. I didn't react one way or the other. It is my belief that by saying nothing at all, my point was made louder than had I jumped on the bandwagon or took a defensive stance.

The second situation arose when there were mere seconds to respond. I chose to ignore. Once again, this specific scenario is a 'hot topic' in my mind because I have many unvoiced opinions. Taking a stand in a public place, where there were too many ears and not enough time to have a quiet discussion wasn't conducive to confronting the issue at hand. I don't like the way this person is talking about another. I have many words in my head. But I'm waiting for a time when they can be 'heard'.

I'm sure that there will be many more opportunities to find out what kind of a friend I am (do I openly take a stand for a friend who is not there to defend themselves) and if my stance on this matter requires some fine tuning.

In the meantime, I am content in knowing that I take an active stand on things that matter. If something strikes an emotional chord, watch out. That has happened a few times in my life and it's shocked the socks off a few people (possibly half the neighborhood??).

I prefer that emotions take a back seat when dealing with confrontation. But trust me ... whether you are a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend, family member or loved one ... I've got your back. I may not be a lioness waiting to attack but I'm ready to take a stand.