The Goldilocks Zone

I have been fighting to find the "just right" balance in my life lately.

Working from home has many advantages. But one of the disadvantages is the inability to walk away, turn it off, shut the door and leave it all behind.

The work flow is unpredictable. Busy, with lots of goals and an agenda for days on end. Then nothing. Nothing is nice when it lands on a weekend. Not so great when the end of the month is looming and I have 5 days to log 46 hours to ensure I get a full pay cheque.

Work has been seeping into evenings and weekends. So this week, I took steps to force work to stay within the confines of the pre-evening hours. I went and created myself a life outside of these doors.

Monday, I was completely and totally in the 'Goldilocks Zone'. The balance was perfect. My work day was over before supper, I cooked a meal for my family and ran out the door for my first Zumba class which was followed by a dance class. I sat down at the end of the evening and I felt like Goldilocks. My day was just right!

Tuesday was good. It was a day that I added the word ''no'' into my vocabulary in a valiant effort to maintain the balance. It was a day which ended in an arduous F.I.T. class which I didn't quite have the stamina for, instead of a fun and carefree Zumba class. I didn't get to dance on Tuesday. But the balance was still intact. My mind and body were both physically worn out at the end of the day. The "just" in the phrase "My day was just right" was less emphatic. But it was still there. I was still in the zone.

Wednesday. Day #3 of my new improved Goldilocks Zone life. Work during the work day. Supper at supper time. A dance class in the evening. I could get used to this. The momentum was good. I like a day which is full of perpetual motion which keeps me focused and moving. I love knowing that the end of my work day is rewarded with a balanced, home cooked meal (and amazing when I'm the one who actually cooks it!). Dancing? A perfect end to a perfect day.

Thursday, I started the day as planned. I was finished with my bookkeeping project-at-hand before 9:00 a.m. and went to the shop to pick up more work. Then it ended. I needed to work in a computer program which I couldn't gain access to during the work day (too many users - I was locked out). I had work to do, but I couldn't do it. There wasn't even anything I could work on as I tried, tried and tried again to get into the system.

I was determined to keep myself motivated. I used the time to write my mom the letter that I didn't have time to write earlier in the week. I got a call to go into work at my typing job (thank goodness!). I came home from that job and tried to get into the computer program to do my work and I still couldn't get in. The clock was ticking, supper time was looming and I hadn't put in my required hours for the day. There was nothing I could do about it.

I made (reheated) supper (leftovers) and then checked to see if I could get into the computer program once again. Sure enough. At 6:00 p.m., I had access to the program that I had needed all day. Just when my day was scheduled to be complete, I was finally able to begin. This was everything that I was striving not to do! I was deflated.

I had a dance class at 7:00. My private lesson. The lesson that fills me up in every way. And I was depleted.

I went to my lesson, but my heart wasn't in it. I had fallen so far out of the Goldilocks Zone that even my dance lesson didn't revive me. I was a complete waste of oxygen on Thursday night.

I didn't stay for the group classes after my private lesson. I had work to do. If I couldn't get into the computer program during the day, it meant I had to work at night. I was not a happy camper. The balance I had strived to attain all week was gone.

I came home, turned on the desk lamp so that I could start to work. I then checked the TV guide so that I could set the VCR to tape 'my programs' .. and that was it.

I returned to my lit up work desk two hours later.

I sat down and watched Grey's Anatomy. I taped Private Practice so I could 'watch' it later. But instead, I fell asleep.

I didn't dance. I didn't work. I didn't even stay awake. I was empty.

Friday - the last day of the week to regain control and balance of my week-at-hand.

I was up and out of bed by 6:00 a.m.; logged into the computer program I needed to access by 6:10 a.m.; I fully expected to be booted out or asked to log out of the system so I worked as fast as I could for as long as I could. Other than a minor glitch with my anti virus program, bringing nourishment to my desk so that I could eat and work at the same time, and a phone conversation that I had while I worked (I was working on a mindless job) ... I worked for nine solid hours.

I was frustrated. The 9 hours I worked on Friday didn't make up for the 3.25 hours I worked on Thursday. There are only 6 more days in the month ...

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was sleep but I had to keep my eyes open so that I was conscious when my daycare charge was picked up at 5:00. So I ate four packages of Fruit Gushers within as many minutes.

So not only was I frustrated and exhausted, but I felt like crap after ingesting a pure sugar snack at the end of a mentally exhausting day. I couldn't cook.

I ran out and picked up supper. My Second Son was trying so hard to hold a conversation with me as we ate. But all I could do was sit there. I know there is going to be a 'test' on this conversation. He is getting so frustrated because I confuse details and I don't understand &/or remember everything (anything??) that he tells me. I had mashed potatoes for brains and he was encouraging me to be a participant in a conversation that I was having trouble absorbing.

The phone rang. It was my bookkeeping boss. I had questions for her and she couldn't get back to me until after supper time. I heard my voice. I made a feeble attempt at speaking coherent sentences. It wasn't working. I usually work in the 'Accounts Payable' portion of the bookkeeping world and I had spent the day in 'Accounts Receivable' and I simply didn't have the vocabulary to communicate. Especially after a mind numbing nine hours working at a completely repetitive task that required few brain cells.

I hung up the phone and worked for an hour. After supper.

What was happening to my perfectly choreographed week? Is this how my new life is going to be? A life where I don't get to turn off my work world????

Thankfully, I had yet another dance class at the end of the day. My brain was mush and I felt like I could have slept until spring ... but dancing was exactly what the doctor ordered.

I had to stop working - that worked exactly according to my plan! We are learning a group formation dance to a fun and peppy song - there is not one moment to think of anything but the moment while I'm there. Perfection! I worked my mind (remembering the next steps) and my body. I sweated, I laughed, I released 'the day' and put it all behind me.

I walked back in the door at the end of the night and felt like Goldilocks. I came home and everything in my world was just right once again.

It's a fight to maintain the balance, but I think I'm gaining ground. I know what I want - I just have to be like Goldilocks and keep try, try, trying until I get it juuuust right.