The Gift of Choice

I have been hard pressed to understand exactly why my weekends have created a small amount of anxiety within me.

Yes, I know that it is very simple to pinpoint the physical reasons. I am juggling a few too many responsibilities and the weekend seems to be catch up time. If it isn't one thing, it is another. My time is consumed.

But as I wandered through this morning with only precious few minutes of it left before my daycare family starts arriving, there is a difference in the air this morning. I do not have to leave the house today. Unless I choose to do so.

Chances are very, very high that I will make the choice to wander outside the confines of life-at-home. I love taking my little people out for a walk. We are limited as to what we can do and how far we can go. But we have the choice to go (thank you, Spring).

The difference about my weekends is the lack of choice. I must leave the house by a specific time. It doesn't matter how much or how little that I have to do before that predestined time rolls around, I find at least three more things to do before I run out the door. I have adopted the bad habit of arriving five minutes late to any and all weekend obligations. It is a sickness. It is like I am internally fighting this weekend-must-do-mentality by being late. As if my time is more important than someone else's. As I wrote the words, I heard my inner voice saying, "On the weekend?? It is ..."

I work for friends. They would completely and totally understand if I called them up at the last minute and cancelled. So showing up five minutes late is not the extreme faux pas that my mother has ingrained in me. But my mom has taught me well. Five minutes ... thirty minutes ... or not showing up at all. It is all a sign of disrespect. That is not the message that I am trying to send when I wander in five minutes late to each and every Saturday or Sunday morning job that I have.

Perhaps that five minutes buys me the gift of 'choice'. I do choose to go. But on my own conditions .... Nope. I'm not buying that either. The minute that I must do something, it changes my mind set.

Each and every time I work at any of the above jobs, once I am there I am more than happy to take on whatever job is set out before me. In fact, yesterday was almost fun. It was enjoyable. Thoroughly. At no point after I headed the car in towards the day I was about to live, did I have a moment of regret or foreboding. I want to do this.

I chatted with my 'Sunday Boss' yesterday and she is more than a little bit accommodating when it comes to making this work. As time goes on, I will be able to do more from home and the need to go out to her place will lessen. I don't know if that is a good thing or not. Because my home is already my 7:30 - 5:30, Monday to Friday place-of-employment. Any time that I have had extra bookkeeping to do from home, I do with the greatest of effort. I don't like mixing my scheduled down-time at home with another job. I do sort of enjoy the physical distance that separates me from my work.

So ... the reality is that given a choice, I would probably choose to work outside of my home verses having work bully its way into my weekend. At home.

But no matter which way I slice and dice it, as usual ... it is Monday morning and I am beyond grateful that my work is coming to me.

Given a choice? I choose to work from home. Doing what I am doing works best for me right now. Even when my out-of-home work obligations infringe upon the weekend ... it simply makes Monday morning feel better than ever.

When you wake up on a Monday morning and feel gratitude for the day and week ahead of you ... you know that you have chosen well. You are where you are meant to be. At least for now.

The Power of Intention

I tried writing earlier this morning, but my thoughts were scattered and my words didn't tell the story of my mind. All I can say is ... thank goodness.

I deleted paragraphs of words, wrote an email to My Brother (please delete and forgive me?) and read an email that arrived this morning.

It was an email of an inspirational kind. It was brief and to the point. It should have held my interest. But it didn't. There were three words that caught my eye: "The Power of Intention" ...

I googled those words and knew that I was not up to reading this morning, so I clicked on a YouTube video. The speaker was Wayne Dyer. I have had at least two people on two separate occasions refer me to his books or talks on PBS. I just didn't follow through. I tried. But I didn't have the attention span to absorb what he had to say over the course of his fundraising talks on public television (sorry).

I started by watching this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Db0i4beFpWo . It is ten minutes long and this morning ... it spoke to me. So I invested 51 minutes of my Sunday morning to watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdjCxmoomTM .

It was well worth the time spent. For me. Today. I am short on time this morning but just thought I'd drop off this suggestion here this morning. Follow-up to follow on a day when I have more time.

The amazing part of this entire experience this morning was when I heard the last few minutes of Mr. Dyer's 51 minute video. I have been quoting this story of his for years as "something I once heard". Your words have been within me all along, Wayne Dyer. I have been following the path that I must have heard a very long time ago. As I wrote down the 10 Principles, it was as if I had been subconsciously living my life in my own version of this all along. I must have absorbed his words long ago but had no idea what my 'source' was.

Now I know. Now I will listen more carefully. Onward ...

Listen to the Silence

Moments from my morning-thus-far ...

I stepped out into the hallway this morning and was greeted by our cat who was waiting for an early morning massage. He stretched out before me and rolled and purred and enjoyed the moments of human contact.

Our little miracle senior cat seems to have bounced back to his former state of health. He is showing us his kitten-like ways on a semi-regular basis. He is up to the occasional game of 'tag/hide run & seek' with My Youngest. He is making every attempt to sneak outside. His fur is shiny and his appetite is back. It has taken months ... but I feel like he has worked his way through whatever was ailing him.

I love the quiet morning greeting from our most favorite cat in the world. It is a most excellent way to start a Saturday morning.

Our home is still asleep this morning. It has been a very long time since I woke up to a Saturday morning such as this (ALL paper and flyer route deliveries from this address have ceased as of April 30th). It is a little bit wonderful.

The job of delivering papers brought an element of goodness to our lives, but we have learned our lessons, paid a few bills and are moving on. It is beneficial when we can get paid to exercise and breathe fresh air. It also places demands upon a person that reap few rewards other than those you create for yourself.

There was an air of hectic-ness that oozed through our lives these past six+ months of delivering papers/flyers. This morning? It is gone. And it feels good. It feels very good.

I have no place that I must be or nothing that I must do today. My Youngest hesitantly asked me if I would be too busy this weekend to see 'Iron Man 3' with him. I am free as a bird and now I have a date to go and see a movie with my son today. And it is good.

I ache for non-working weekends. But where I am is where I need to be. So I will appreciate and revel in the opportunity that I have been given, to diversify my income and work experience. Bookkeeping on the side has been part of my 'retirement plan'. I am beyond blessed that this job has come knocking on my door and I will follow this road for as far as it takes me.

Working on Sundays help me appreciate my Saturdays. I can appreciate my Saturdays ever-so-much-more now that I don't have flyer deliveries to squeeze in, within the Friday and Saturday night deadlines.

The sun is shining. The sky is blue. The day is mine. To do with, as I please. Soaking up a little bit of sunshine, with a book in my hand and a wine cooler at my side sounds blissful. Now if only I had a comfy spot to curl up on, on our newly finished deck ....

A person must keep dreaming. Dream of the little things that you wish to bring into your day today. Invite a little sunshine and bliss into your day and come join me for the ride.

The Reason I Take My Job Very Seriously

Children See, Children Do:



As I tell 'my kids': "When you know better, you do better". And what is my excuse when I exhibit behaviour I don't want my kids to repeat? Thankfully this is happening less and less as time goes on (and spring seeps into our days).

** P.S. Two hours after posting this and sending myself positive, subconcious messages ... I was not the adult role model that I set out to be. I am an imperfect person in an imperfect world. I do my best. But I am human. My patience has limits. When exceeded, a 'time out' is required. I gave myself the time out as much as I gave it to the child that was testing my patience. We came back at it with a 'let's start from here' attitude and carried on with the day. Sometimes? We teach our children how to overcome challenges by overcoming them ourselves. Instead of beating myself up over a bad moment, I will focus on the fact that the moment was brief and that we overcame it in a positive way. Sometimes? We do our best and though it isn't perfect ... it is good enough. Let's teach ourselves 'forgiveness'. Forgive ourselves, forgive others. Learn. And carry on...**

Birds are Singing ... Spring is in the Air

I was outside walking with the kids yesterday when I spotted my first robin of the season.

We stopped walking and I tried to show the kids the robin but it kept flying away. Then I noticed the rest of them.

A tree rich with berries was full of robins. They were flying from all around to feast on the berries.

Then I heard the honking of Canadian geese high up above us flying in a "V" formation. They were coming home.

We looked back into the tree and saw more birds. These birds I didn't know, but their hair was back combed in the fashion of a blue jay but they weren't blue. Perhaps a cedar waxwing?

They weren't our ordinary variety of birds. We are used to crows and sea gulls. These birds were new to our eyes this season.

We stopped walking. We pointed up into the tree and the sky. We stopped and marvelled and simply enjoyed the moment.

Would I have done that if I was out for a walk alone? Probably not. With another adult? Perhaps. But not on the same level as I enjoyed yesterday.

Hanging out with kids all day gives me 'permission' to see the world fresh and new. Every day.

If we allow ourselves these moments, it brings the small wonders of a day into focus. Whether it is birds, planes, lady bugs or the ever-changing traffic lights. These very same conversations become very inane day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute.

This morning, as my 2 1/2 year-old copies every single action, sound and facial expression of my 1 1/2 year-olds? Not so precious. It is a game that gets old very fast (especially when I know that we have at least nine more hours of this particular game).

Taking a small moment and bringing your full attention to it can be a good thing. It can also work against you.

Today I will try to focus on the birds in the sky ...

Short on Words, Heavy on Pictures

This is the view from our back door this morning. Yes! Phase I of the dog-containment-project is complete!

The goal is to fence in the cement, deck and grassy area beside the deck and the dogs can call this 'home'. It gives them access to people and it will make my life easier when I take my daycare family outside. No more cleaning up dog messes when we go outside ... is the goal.

When I take 'my kids' outside, the dogs will be penned in the grassy area beside the deck. See the gate in the far corner of the deck? I love that gate!! It is exactly what I was hoping for when I mentioned this 'bright idea' to My Son. I think he is quite possibly sick and tired of my 'bright ideas' that seemingly change like the wind (in my mind, it is simply that my ideas keep evolving).

In other news ... check out the snow situation. The Snow Mountain in our front yard is shrinking by the day. The other day, one of the kids was playing on the snow hill in his snow gear, as I was raking the grass right beside it. The contrasts of living where we live is right out our own front door.

And this is all the snow left in the back yard. If only the dogs didn't have access to this area, we would be good to go.

Now, I just need to worry about our dilapidated fence ...

Energy Left Over at the End of the Day

I don't know if it was because I had such an easy day ... or if it was the two glasses of McDonald's vanilla iced coffee ... or being able to be outside cleaning the yard ... or what the exact reason was ... but I had energy left over at the end of the day yesterday and it was a new and amazing concept.

I only had one daycare child to tend yesterday. So we turned the day into an adventure. We hopped on the bus and went to WalMart. Followed by lunch at McDonald's (my first iced coffee of the day). With a trip to Dollarama for 'dessert'. The bus ride home was the icing on the cake. When we got home my little guy slept. And slept. And slept.

While I waited for him to wake up, I started raking up the back yard. Then my son came home and helped me. The back yard is getting so close to being kid-ready. So very close ... this simply makes me smile. Inside and out. We are 'taking back' the back yard. And it is good.

After my daycare day was done, I finished up what I had set out to do outside. Then came inside and vacuumed. We ate a home-cooked meal (it was a mish mash of leftovers but they all came from home). Then My Youngest and I were off to his dentist appointment.

I brought a book along with me and read while I waited for him. It was a book that made me smile. A book that made me feel good. A book that made me think. It was "Carry on Warrior" by Glennon Doyle Melton. I have mentioned it before and I'll mention it again. It is a book that I would like to have a dozen copies of, so that I could pass them out to friends and family ...

We drove by a McDonald's and the allure of their $1.00 iced coffee (or any soft drink beverage) was calling my name. We picked up a drink of choice (I chose iced coffee) then we returned to the Dollarama (I found kid's lawn chairs that were too big and bulky to buy and bring home on the bus), then we went through a drive-thru car wash. We drank our drinks as the machinery washed up the car for me.

It was a productive day. We were outside. Alot. We are making so many forward steps towards getting back out in the back yard.

Fresh air and the wide open sky bring such a welcoming sense of new life and wonder into a regular day. Knowing that I am 'taking back the back yard' is joined by the wonder of 'taking back my week nights'. My flyer delivery days are over. My week nights are mine, to do with as I please. The snow is melting. The sun is shining. And we are taking advantage of every opportunity to be outside.

It is so invigorating to have energy left over at the end of a day. It has been a while since I felt this way. It is good to be back.

** I am also very, very pleased that McDonald's $1.00 drinks have returned - vanilla iced coffee and me feel like long, lost friends. I am so glad you are back, my friend! **