Inspiration from the Status Updates Within Facebook

Did you ever have a day where suddenly little things came into sharp focus? A day when ah-ha moments were found here, there and everywhere? A day when suddenly you can see a path that may lead to better results?

The first thing I found was this message on Facebook:

Such a simple concept, yet when I applied this idea to a challenge within my little daycare family a light bulb went on. I need to be a better me in order to bring out the best in my little people. As I have been revelling in my two new little one-year-olds that have recently joined our family, I have caught myself thinking "I just want to take care of one-year-olds! They are so fresh, new and innocent ..."

It is a much bigger challenge to learn to understand and deal with older ages and stages that have been influenced by the world around them. I have not been doing well in that department. Not at all. I am really struggling with one behaviour which so disruptive and it is getting worse instead of better. What if that child was replaced with someone who was even a bigger challenge? A better me will attract better behaviour. That is a much better place to start.

Then I read the words "I am hard core struggling in the parenting department right now. Particularly with one child..." within a blog post that I had found via Facebook (of course). More words to ponder and a new perspective verses my banging-my-head-against-the-wall approach.

I have been aching to return to the 'me' that I was when I was chasing dreams, running out to Zumba and Bellyfit classes and fearless in that-which-I-wanted-to-try. I found the thought "I just want to be like I was four years ago ..." chiming through my mind. Then I read this "You are changing, day by day. You will not go back to being your 'old self.' Instead, you are growing into a new self. Perhaps you aren't even sure who you are becoming..." (another Facebook message from "Transcending Loss - Understanding the lifelong impact of grief).

Then this morning, I found a post from a blog writer who has often inspired me. "Making Room for Happy", by Erica Orloff. She asks the question "Tell me what makes YOU happy". And those are the words that are setting the stage for me this morning.

Little bits and bytes from around the Internet are finding their way into my consciousness. Something is finally getting through. I read words of inspiration every single day but sometimes it is too much. Or too soon. Or just too hard to think. Yesterday something opened up within me so that I could soak up the goodness of the day.

Oh, and I discovered a secret to do with Penaten diaper cream and Aveeno Vanilla & Lavendar baby lotion but that is for another day. I must now open my blinds and welcome whatever my Daycare Day has to bring.

To Dance or Not to Dance

I was out and about running errands last night and I found my way over to a friend's house to drop off a book.

It was a completely out-of-the-ordinary task that put me in a place that I have been only twice before. And while I was there, she received a phone call from someone who had just called my home and left a message for me. He then proceeded to call my friend and found both of us at the same place, at the same time when he wanted to speak with each of us. 

To offer full disclosure on the above mentioned coincidence, all three of us are connected by the dance studio. So it is not a completely random set of events. But still. One person calls two others offering a random act of kindness and finds both parties at the other end of the phone line. Pretty serendipitous, would you not say?

The offer is one of 'Technique Dance Classes'. Ten lessons in ten weeks (I missed the first one last night because I was running out and about). What to do? What to do?

The fact that this gift has been bestowed upon me should have me kissing the ground and praising the Gods and being ever-so-grateful.

The reality is that I am not too hung up on the intricacies of of dancing. I simply want to dance. Dance like no one is watching. Moving to the music and swaying to the beat and just following my own heartbeat. I don't really care about the technique aspect.

The other fact is that my feet ache when I think of one solid hour of technique class in my dance shoes. Granted, I have some jazz dance shoes that I could wear for the occasion but my feet still hurt when I think of dancing and learning. Dancing and having fun is a whole different matter. It is pain with a purpose. 

The saddest part of all is the fact that I do not want to pry myself out of the house once a week. I love my quiet after-daycare-hours at home. I live for them. I sleep through them.

And this last fact is the one that makes me think that I really need to do this. I need to pry myself away from solitude, sleep and 'easy'. I need to start to surround myself with people, activity and challenge. I may prefer to be in a Zumba class but maybe this is a good place to start. Within an environment that brings out my inner happy and around people that I enjoy doing something that I do love to do. 

To dance or not to dance? That is the question. The answer would be so easy if it was 'just' dancing. I am still pondering that question as my daycare day must begin ...

Sometimes ... I Just Like to Sit Back and Enjoy the Stars

It is hard to jump back into life after a holiday, a change from the norm or a great life transition. Yesterday was a day (a little bit) like that as I opened my door and my world walked right back in, without missing a beat.

I could not help but think of those who have gone through a season of change and how rudely 'life' expects them to keep on going on. No matter what.

It seems hard and unjust at first ... until you think about it.

Thankfully the world does keep revolving and once a person takes that first step from that state of paralysis, I believe we welcome the fact that we do have a world that is waiting for us.

Hard things must be faced, dealt with and put behind us. Little things continue to add up in our absence. When we are ready, life is sitting at our feet waiting for us to take that first step.

The first step may be hard. But it is necessary. We may need to sit back and wait before we are ready, but once we start moving in a forward direction the momentum helps to carry us to the next hard thing.

We are stronger than we think. More resilient than we want to believe. And we must believe in silver linings and have the ability to find a spark of light within a dark tunnel.

... “Without the dark, we'd never see the stars.” ~ Stephenie Meyer, Twilight

A Bonus Day!

There is something to be said for living in the frigid zone and enduring a Saskatchewan winter. Every once in a while, something good comes of a -50 degree day ...

My very kind boss called me this morning (as soon as she heard how cold it was outside) and insisted that I NOT come into work today.

My insides were partying when she broke the news to me. "I get to spend my last day of holidays ... at home!! YEE HAW!!!" All I could manage to say without giving away my inner-party-state was, "Are you sure??"

The best part of this equation is that I did all-that-I-had-to-do yesterday. The house is de-Christmased, de-cluttered, re-daycared and raring to go for the onset of the return of my Daycare Dayz tomorrow. I am ready. All I have to do is show up (aka: stay home!) and my holiday will be over. Tomorrow!

I ran the errands that needed to be run. Yesterday. Groceries are bought and I have supplies to get us through the week.

I finished making one last Christmas gift last night. I know. It is January 5th and I am still not quite ready for Christmas. This gift was for one of my Daycare Family and her last day before Christmas was unexpectedly one day earlier than originally anticipated. So her gift was not ready. Now it is.

Tax preparations are under way. I have written up receipts for my daycare income for the 2013 taxation year.

Late last night, I sat down with my 'year end' numbers and I have taken a preliminary run through for my 2013 income tax (I may be late on Christmas but I'm early for the tax season). Spoiler alert: according to my numbers, it is no wonder that I dug myself into debt last year. All things considered (and there is a lot to consider) we came out of 2013 rather (financially) unscathed.

Apparently, the very first thing that I did was waste the first hour that was at my disposal. I have been playing around with income tax, budget and financial planning in between the paragraphs of this blog post.

The very next thing that I am going to do is to cook a bacon & egg breakfast. I cannot remember the last time that I cooked breakfast. It has been years.

I should get at my writing assignments and get that task tended to. Submitting articles for the publications that I write for is one of my most daunting tasks. What am I brave enough to submit for the 'real world' to read? I need to be in a 'high confidence' mood when I make those submissions. Today could be the day ...

I have a friend (that lives two time zones away) that has been trying to call me for a while. Originally, she had planned to call me this afternoon but I told her that I was working. She may or may not be able to call me now that my afternoon has been cleared. That would be a fun way to spend an hour or so ...

I should write a letter to my mom. We have went a record amount of time without talking (since her visit here last week) so I may have enough stories to fill a letter. Or not. I have really not done much to write about (but that has never stopped me before).

My head is running in about thirty different directions. What to do? Where do I begin?? Then what???

This is a bonus day in every way. The best way to spend it is to wrap up this post about nothing and make us some breakfast.

May you find a little unexpected 'bonus' within the day that you were anticipating today.

Returning to Life as I Knew It

I cleaned up Christmas today.

I had no desire to lose the decorations of the season. The lights make me happy. The angels that I have collected over the years make me feel safe and protected. The decorations remind me of the many gifts that I have received from all walks of my life throughout the years. The cards and letters that I received make me feel like a vital part of my world.

There have been years when I have wanted to erase Christmas with a grand flourish and I have cleared the clutter as early as Boxing Day. Perhaps those were the years that were wrapped in disappointment.

This Christmas season was sprinkled with memorable moments. The flurry of mail made my day. Day after day after day.

I really have no burning desire to return to reality. But I must.

The halls have been un-decked. The daycare paraphernalia has been brought out and is back in place for the onset of my Daycare Days on Monday. I must return to my bookkeeping job tomorrow. I have writing deadlines looming.

I am so grateful for my holidays this year. Eleven days. The days had purpose and meaning. I had time to catch my breath and simply 'inhale'.

What I would give for just one more day but I know that I will be glad to get back in the swing of things once I start. It  is always nice for life to return back to 'normal'.

I am very fortunate to be returning to life as I knew it before this season started. There are many who are not so lucky.

The Most Meaningful Year of All

A fresh, new calendar has replaced a full and messy one on our kitchen wall. Down with the old. Up with the new. As I unceremoniously replaced the calendar, my shoulders felt heavy with the weight of the year we just put behind us.

Why did 2013 feel so heavy?

I scanned through the old calendar this morning. I perused the titles within my blog. There was nothing that stood out in a big and shiny way that summed up the year. In fact, the year was a bit of a blur.

It was a year of great loss. It was a year that cancer invaded the lives of too many people that I know. It was a year of feeling human.

It was a busy work-year. After a few lean years of attempting to work outside of my home I found gainful employment from within that has kept me busy. Very busy. It has all worked out in the end. After three years of instability I ended the year 2013 finally saying, "I now earn enough to pay my bills!" And this is good.

It was an expensive year. I must have forecast something great in my future because I spent and overspent. Between a new fence, a second car, vet bills and investing in my daycare I have dug myself into a nice, neat little hole. The year 2014 is the year that I will start to build a staircase out of that basement.

It was a year that was all-about-family. Our family's losses brought us together time and time again. Nodding acquaintances with cousins, aunts and uncles have become bonds. Tenuous, fragile and strong all at the same time. Circumstances have brought family together in times of sorrow but I see and hear all of us wanting to strengthen that connection by repeat occurrences in  happier times.

Old friendships have become nearer and dearer. Trust grows slowly and ever so carefully. I am feeling a deepening strength within friendships that were strong to start with. To feel such an intense level of trust-between-friends is a gift. A gift that may or may not have happened, had they not had to walk such a troubled path.

2013 was a year that fortified so many connections that I already had. Times of trouble, sadness and sorrow brought friends and family into a new light and with each encounter, life became more meaningful.

Upon reflecting on the year that has past, I do believe that the year 2013 will go down in history as The Most Meaningful Year of All.

It may not be a year that is marked by great celebrations, lavish holidays or the accumulation of material possessions. Instead, it was a year of nurturing that which I already had and cherishing the value of that which I was still holding onto at the end of a long and heavy year.

Out of Words

It has been a very 'wordy' holiday. I believe that I am spent.

I just went and scribbled down the comings and goings around here over the course of the past few weeks ... and it is a blur. I scrolled down the names on the phone's call display and that doesn't even begin to count the outgoing calls that I made.

I have been out and about. I have been talking and listening. I have been hosting and have been hosted. My mind has not been quiet for quite some time.

I came home and closed the door last night and I felt very anxious inside. I couldn't put a finger on why I felt so 'off'.

I woke up this morning and had no desire to crawl out of bed. I just want to hibernate for a little while.

I have three more holidays left. My back-to-work life begins on Sunday. At this very moment in time I do not feel ready to face reality.

I may crawl up on a couch and lose myself in a whole lot of nothing today. I think that a few quiet days will cure what ails me.

My words have all been spent. I am going to sit still today and be quiet with my thoughts. I'll be back when the words start spilling over again.