Done With Daycare?

I am not babysitting any kids ... all summer. My last child's last day was this past Friday. It was the end of an era that was lost in the whirlwind of all that I had going on in my life last week.

I didn't make or take the time to reflect on the moment. Or was there actually a defined moment to reflect upon?

I have weaned myself out of the daycare world since I started school last September. It was a good way to go.

I had older kids that basically just needed an adult in attendance. I didn't have to do a lot for them. They were all pretty self-maintained beings.

It felt wonderful not to be needed quite so much. The little ones who needed a little piece of me all day long were getting harder to manage. Not that the kids or the job changed. It was me. I was tired of my role.

A young neighbor-child was drawn to our yard when I had company over this past weekend. This child reminded me of a little guy that I used to take care of. I felt like I knew him. So when I walked him back home to let his parent know where he was, instead of saying "Here's your child ... keep him"; I said "Your little boy wandered into my yard ... he's welcome to come and play as long as it's okay with you".

I didn't even think about it. I just said it. It was only after my Middle Son said that he wouldn't have handled the situation the way that I did, I thought that this was not the way I normally would handle this kind of thing either. Who have I become?

Is there a small piece of me mourning what I have lost? I know that the direction my life is going is the way that I want it to go. But it is a comfort to look back and reflect on those wild and crazy days of running my daycare and miss it. Just a little.

Am I done with daycare forever? For the most part, yes. But there will always be a piece of me that will remember the sweet moments and the wide-eyed innocence of children. It was a good run.

It's Just a Number

Further to my post yesterday morning, I had yet another lapse of memory.

In the last few craze-filled weeks of over-doing, under-sleeping and forgetting to eat ... I started wondering if I lost any weight throughout that process. So I stepped on the scale.

What did I see when my weight appeared before me? I saw numbers. I couldn't remember the old number. I couldn't remember the goal weight. It was just a number.

A few days ago, I was lamenting about needing to lose weight. And someone asked me why I thought that. My immediate (and only) answer was because I needed to be able to fit into my new ballgown for our dance showcase in the fall.

I bought a beautiful, new ballgown while I was living my Great Dance Adventure. It fit like a glove. I was at an excitement-induced, forgetting-to-eat, all-time-low weight when I bought that dress. Lately, I haven't been able to wear the pants that I wore during that trip. So I am a little concerned. Will I ever be able to wear that dress again?

Other than that one reason, I am content with the weight that I am at. I am who I am and I'll buy clothes that fit (and hopefully flatter) the body that I have been given. I am not obsessing about my weight these days.

So when I stepped on the scale yesterday morning and looked down at those meaningless numbers ... I felt a little bit of deja vu. It was the same feeling that I had, when I walked out of the grocery store and had no memory of ever parking the car. I got where I wanted to be with no conscious effort. I'm at a weight that I'm content with. The numbers on the scale? Meaningless.

Does anyone want to buy a beautiful new ballgown??

Where Am I ... and How Did I Get Here?

It wasn't quite as bad as that, but I had a 'moment' yesterday afternoon ...

I brought My Youngest with me, as I ran a few quick errands and fulfilled my promise to take him to Toys R Us yesterday afternoon.

My quick errands weren't all so quick, so when he asked if I could just drop him off at home before I went and picked up "two" things at the grocery store, I agreed.

My mouth said yes, but my unconscious mind was driving the car. The next thing I knew, we were headed in the direction of the grocery store - not home.

That isn't an unusual thing. Sometimes the unconscious overrules the conscious.

I apologized profusely and set my mind to get in and out of the grocery store as quickly as I could. And I did.

But ...

I paid for my purchases and stood in wonder. What door did I come in? Where did I park the car? Why didn't I remember parking the car??

I walked out of the front doors and was relieved to remember walking through them a few minutes prior. I stood outside the exit and tried to bring the memory of parking the car back to the forefront of my mind. It didn't come.

Thank goodness I'm a creature of habit. Where I park depends highly on the errand I have to run and the way I entered the parking lot. I'm also grateful for a relatively small parking lot and the fact that it wasn't very full.

I found the car (and My Youngest Son ... who is twelve years old and able to stay unattended in the car for a few minutes). But the memory of parking it didn't return.

I thought to myself "I need some sleep" ... "I need to calm down" ... "Or is this an 'age' thing??"

I was retelling my story to my friend a little while later and she just laughed. She said that happens to her all of the time. In fact, just recently she found herself on the phone calling someone. And when they answered the phone, she couldn't remember who she had called. She told them, "You're going to think I'm crazy ... but this is 'Lucille' ... who did I just call?"

They say it's ''all about the journey'' ... not the destination. So when you forget that journey and simply find yourself at the destination, you know you missed the best part.

It's time to relax. I'm missing out on the best parts of life. Oh! I am on holidays. So that is exactly what I am going to do.

Time For the Important Things

A friend suggested that we meet for lunch this week. My first thought? "Aaaak!! I don't have time."

And then I stopped. Sometimes when you think you don't have time, is when you need a break the most.

So we went out for lunch on Thursday afternoon. It was the best two hours of my week. A good friend, excellent company, a unique restaurant and oh, the food was good too.

I walked away from that little oasis in my week, knowing that it was the best thing I'd done in days. I relaxed. It was wonderful.

As soon as I set foot back into my real life back at home, the work began again. That was at 3:10 Thursday afternoon.

Friday was a chaotic day of one-thing-to-do-after-another. My Middle Son (my hero!!) came to my rescue and did a mammoth (does that make sense? HUGE!) amount of work outside for me. At one point we were in his truck running some errands and he said "We are going to stop for coffee. We both need to settle down for a minute".

Another forced work slow down. My wise son was right. We drank our coffee as we were on the move (driving to the next destination). But coffee never tasted so good. It felt good to sit back and pause for a few minutes.

Later in the afternoon, I heard myself saying "I haven't had anything to eat since I went out for lunch with (my friend) yesterday" (I don't count my morning smoothie as food, because I don't have to chew it).

I stopped. Long enough to eat a hot dog. And I was off once again.

Our dance studio is holding a Dance Camp this weekend. Three hours of dancing last night; three hours of dancing this afternoon; followed by a pot luck supper.

Three hours of dancing last night did my feet in. They were sore after one hour. By the second hour they were throbbing. By the end of the third hour, they were beyond aching. My feet throbbed all night and were still pulsating this morning.

So I sat one more time and paused. I loaded my vibrating foot spa with epsom salts and sat still and let my feet rest. My body, my soul and my feet all needed that time.

I'm still standing this afternoon. I don't think that I would be, if I hadn't taken time out for the important things. Important things like taking a break and breathing in the fine air of good company and a revitalizing rest period.

It is when you are busiest, that you need to stop the most.

Holidays

Yes. Today unofficially marks the beginning of my holidays.

Unofficially, because I still have one daycare child coming before and after school. His last day. Perhaps ... his last day forever (if things at the new daycare go okay).

Unofficially, because I didn't finish up my last course at school as I had hoped. I could go in today to try and polish that off before the school closes for two weeks. But my brain is spent. I'll do it when the school reopens.

Unofficially, because I still have a (small) pile of bookwork at my side. Maybe seven hours worth? But there is more where that came from. Oh ... there is more.

And most of all ... unofficially because I haven't mapped out one single day of my holiday. Not a thing.

This may be the best holiday of my life. Because I haven't one single expectation. I get to stop.

Perhaps ... I'll read a book.

And Then I Slept

My head has been very busy these past few weeks. It seems that there is something going on in every corner of my world.

School, work, family, friends, dancing and the house. Each area of my life is in a busy and exciting or an energy-burning place.

I don't stop when the sun goes down. I have to consciously stop myself and wind down to go to sleep.

My body sleeps but my head won't stop. I wake up early and I have to force myself to stay in bed because I know my body needs the rest even if my head is wide awake.

Last night, I managed to get to bed shortly after 10:00. Ahhh. An early night. This was good.

But I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and my head just wouldn't stop.

It was at this point that I noticed my neck was stiff. I happened to stop myself before I moved my neck in a way that would have made movement today pretty rough. I tried to support my neck in a way that would help.

Then ... I remembered that I had two muscle relaxants in the house. That ought to do the trick!

And it did. It relaxed the most tired muscle in my body. My brain.

And then I slept. Thank you, Robaxacet.

Pandora's Box

It seems with every turn I take, I find more to do around here.

It's just like the song:

" ... With the hip bone connected to the back bone, and the back bone connected to the neck bone, and the neck bone connected to the head bone, Oh mercy how they scare! ..."

My version of it is more like:

"... With the back door connected to the entrance way, and the entrance way connected to the kitchen, and the kitchen connected to the hallway, and the hallway connected to the bathroom, Oh mercy how they scare! ..."

It all started by cleaning one cupboard. I opened Pandora's Box and there is no stopping it now.