Did you ever have your hopes and dreams (almost) offered to you on a silver platter? It feels so right. It is what you hoped for. Yet you find that you are almost frightened to reach out and take it?
That is where I am. I put myself out there. I took a chance. I took yet another leap of faith. I risked nothing but rejection. And ... it is starting to happen. A dream is becoming reality.
I have been writing within the comfort of my little blog space for four years. At times I write something that is deep and meaningful. Sometimes thought provoking. Other times it is purely inane and almost a waste of words. Daily life and how I absorb it is what I write about here. This blog is me. It is my home.
I have been asked to write a column for a monthly paper. They wanted a writer for their Senior Page. So I tried writing within the guidelines that I was given. I was told what they were looking for, with the disclaimer that 'they will know it when they read it'. And they would let me know if I was a 'fit' for their paper.
Well? I missed the mark. But!!! Writing what came natural to me got me the job!
Instead of being placed on the Senior Page, they are going to find me another spot within the paper. I have been given some guidelines which fall very close to the way that I write (when I truly have something to say). They would like me to write my little story, give some examples and wind it all up with something for the reader to mull over when they are done. "Food for Thought" was the title which was suggested.
That conversation has most definitely given me a lot of food for thought! I think of little else (when life isn't drawing me into the necessity of earning a living and tending to life-outside-of-our-home). I am consumed with the process.
Can I do an effective job? Will my next set of 'edits' result in what they are looking for? Can I write on demand? Am I up to the task??
Then there is the small stuff.
I must submit a photo of myself. This causes me much greater angst than writing does. I am in control of my writing abilities. But my physical appearance?? It is what it is. And that ain't purdy. I can handle the reflection in my mirror because it changes a little from day to day. But to capture this reflection on an unchanging 'canvas'? I have aged five years just thinking about it.
I was invited to add my website and email address which they would add to the end of each column. The question is ... do I want to add my blog site? Or should I start up a completely separate web address? This blog has become personal. I write what I want to write, when I want to write it. Sometimes it is blog-worthy. Sometimes it isn't. I am comfortable here. Do I want to invite a completely different set of readers into my home here? I am far more comfortable inviting my existing readers over to my 'new place'. My vacation home ...
I have another paper that sounds 99% committed to my column and a third paper that is asking questions that could lead to something.
This is happening, people! This is really happening!!
I am on the edge of a dream and I feel like I am on the cusp of waking up to a whole new reality. It is exhilarating. But it is a little bit frightening.
I am taking something that I love to do ... and turning it into a job. If all goes according to plan (yes, I have ulterior motives), this is one part of my retirement plan. To write, so that I can subsidize my ultimate retirement goal - to run a Bed & Breakfast.
They guessed that I was a housewife (according to what I had submitted). When I corrected them and told them that I was presently a secretary, I could hear the deflation in their voice. Housewife trumped secretary. Do you know what? I tend to agree.
This secretary gig is a transition job. It is getting me from 'A' to 'B'. In my heart, I am an entrepreneur. I am doing what must be done to make my way to where I want to go. And I am getting there. I really am!!
Have you ever had that moment where life is handing you exactly what you dreamed of, worked towards and wanted. But you were afraid to grasp it for fear of bursting that bubble?
When your hopes and dreams become your reality ... where do you go next??
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Food For Thought
Something to Chew On ... Intellectual Nourishment ... Meanderings For the Mind ... Words to Ponder ...
What would you name a column that involved telling a little story; giving real-life examples and winding it up with a little succinct sentence at the end to give the reader something to think on?
I am just wondering. Because the plot is thickening.
I have been asked to come up with a name for my new column.
That's all ...
What would you name a column that involved telling a little story; giving real-life examples and winding it up with a little succinct sentence at the end to give the reader something to think on?
I am just wondering. Because the plot is thickening.
I have been asked to come up with a name for my new column.
That's all ...
Monday, February 27, 2012
The Best Day
I have a lot of best days. Yesterday was one of them.
I got Mom's income taxes pretty much wrapped up first thing in the morning. I had two questions for her, so a phone call was in order. One more phone call to confirm some other information and that job was complete.
Then I received a phone call that changed the course of my day. It may alter more than a day. It may not. I am hopeful. If nothing else, it will be a most excellent 'lesson' for me ...
I picked up the phone and called a friend in the afternoon. I had been thinking of calling but hadn't followed through. So I just picked up the phone and mindlessly dialed it. We were a few minutes into our conversation when she said that she was going to call me. In fact, she said that she found herself holding the phone talking with me and she couldn't remember who called whom. It was such a little thing, but it wasn't. Two friends on exactly the same wavelength.
Then Mom called. She had an idea which was spurred on from our earlier conversation. I had one last item to clarify before I officially wrapped up her taxes. So we talked a while. And she asked if I would be sending her a letter this week. I said I was working on it ...
I barely hung up (and went back to amassing an envelope of items-of-interest for Mom), when she called me back. She was so impressed that she found exactly what I had asked about within moments of hanging up the phone. I said, "You are making this letter that I am trying to write a bit of a challenge ..." (I also talked to her twice on Saturday). We had a little chuckle over the frequency of our phone-visits and she promised that she probably wouldn't call back for a few days.
I went back to Mom's letter and it is signed, sealed and ready to deliver. I looked at what I had been working at all day one last time. I made a few small revisions and sent that off.
I didn't work on our family's book project at all yesterday. But I moved a few other mountains. I guess that is good too.
I thought that I may not get called into work today and I could make up for my lost day. But the phone just rang and I must work.
All good things must come to an end. And so it was with this February break. I kept myself fully occupied within the confines of my home. I enjoyed every moment of it.
Everything that I wanted and needed was at my fingertips. That is what I miss about working from home. The feeling of containing my life under one roof. When I am not physically pulled in too many directions, I can accomplish so much more.
My home grounds me. This holiday gave me exactly what I needed.
Now, I must go and make today the best day it can be.
I got Mom's income taxes pretty much wrapped up first thing in the morning. I had two questions for her, so a phone call was in order. One more phone call to confirm some other information and that job was complete.
Then I received a phone call that changed the course of my day. It may alter more than a day. It may not. I am hopeful. If nothing else, it will be a most excellent 'lesson' for me ...
I picked up the phone and called a friend in the afternoon. I had been thinking of calling but hadn't followed through. So I just picked up the phone and mindlessly dialed it. We were a few minutes into our conversation when she said that she was going to call me. In fact, she said that she found herself holding the phone talking with me and she couldn't remember who called whom. It was such a little thing, but it wasn't. Two friends on exactly the same wavelength.
Then Mom called. She had an idea which was spurred on from our earlier conversation. I had one last item to clarify before I officially wrapped up her taxes. So we talked a while. And she asked if I would be sending her a letter this week. I said I was working on it ...
I barely hung up (and went back to amassing an envelope of items-of-interest for Mom), when she called me back. She was so impressed that she found exactly what I had asked about within moments of hanging up the phone. I said, "You are making this letter that I am trying to write a bit of a challenge ..." (I also talked to her twice on Saturday). We had a little chuckle over the frequency of our phone-visits and she promised that she probably wouldn't call back for a few days.
I went back to Mom's letter and it is signed, sealed and ready to deliver. I looked at what I had been working at all day one last time. I made a few small revisions and sent that off.
I didn't work on our family's book project at all yesterday. But I moved a few other mountains. I guess that is good too.
I thought that I may not get called into work today and I could make up for my lost day. But the phone just rang and I must work.
All good things must come to an end. And so it was with this February break. I kept myself fully occupied within the confines of my home. I enjoyed every moment of it.
Everything that I wanted and needed was at my fingertips. That is what I miss about working from home. The feeling of containing my life under one roof. When I am not physically pulled in too many directions, I can accomplish so much more.
My home grounds me. This holiday gave me exactly what I needed.
Now, I must go and make today the best day it can be.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Hope Springs Eternal
Hope is peeking its head out from under the winter snow. I glimpsed it a short while ago but it backed down under cover and has remained illusive ever since. Dare I hope?
I am not certain. Maybe it is rejection masked within the context. It isn't a 'no'. But it isn't a 'yes' either.
At this very moment I need to feel hopeful. I need to feel that daring to venture where I have never gone before may have a small payback.
Yes. I will hope. Yes, I will tread gently and carefully and see if I can make something come of nothing.
It is impossible to contain the flutter of excitement that is stirring. It is small. It is almost nothing. In fact, it is a little bit of 'working for nothing'. But I think it is a step in the right direction.
I am faced in the direction that I want to go. I must simply take forward steps. And maybe ... just maybe ... I can.
I am not certain. Maybe it is rejection masked within the context. It isn't a 'no'. But it isn't a 'yes' either.
At this very moment I need to feel hopeful. I need to feel that daring to venture where I have never gone before may have a small payback.
Yes. I will hope. Yes, I will tread gently and carefully and see if I can make something come of nothing.
It is impossible to contain the flutter of excitement that is stirring. It is small. It is almost nothing. In fact, it is a little bit of 'working for nothing'. But I think it is a step in the right direction.
I am faced in the direction that I want to go. I must simply take forward steps. And maybe ... just maybe ... I can.
"Once you choose hope, anything's possible."
~Christopher Reeve
Friday, February 24, 2012
One of Those Days
Yesterday didn't start off on a good foot. The temple snapped off of my glasses when I was cleaning them first thing in the morning.
Undeterred, I thought I would quickly run out and get them fixed. I had been putting off getting groceries and my eye doctor is across the street from the grocery store. I would be back in an hour.
I drove up to my eye-place and it looked rather dark inside. My eyes were drawn to the sign on the doors. They had moved. It wasn't too far, but it added an unexpected dimension to my quick errand.
After getting groceries, I found the new location for my eye doctor. I walked in and someone was able to help me immediately.
Except ... the moment I told her that one of my temples had snapped off, she told me that a part would have to be ordered. She checked to see if my glasses were still under warranty. Unfortunately, they weren't.
So ... the next girl called to find out how long it would take for the necessary part and the cost. I wasn't terribly surprised to discover that they no longer make the part required for my glasses. It looked like I would be shopping for some new ones.
I mentioned my financial limitations and asked if we could browse in the bargain section. The girl was so cheery and helpful. I said that I had been feeling rather frumpy ever since I started wearing my glasses full time and she said, "We'll have to change that!"
I didn't even bother looking in the mirror because I couldn't see. She suggested that I could look in the mirror at the end of the aisle and get really close to it. Sorry. A close up version of a blind me in a public mirror would not sell me on the best pair of glasses. I looked at her instead and let her choose.
Last fall, I went in for a quote on some glasses prior to finding out that I couldn't afford to buy them (just before my full-time job turned into a substitute position). Lens prices had increased since that time, but they honor their quotes for six months. That saved me $30.00. She found me a cheaper pair of frames and that saved another $110.00. Which means I also saved $14.00 in taxes. It was my lucky day after all.
Next disappointment? It will take 10 - 12 business days for my new glasses to arrive. She did put a rush on it since my current glasses are unfixable. She couldn't even glue them together as a temporary fix. So I must wait.
Then I came home.
My momentum was lost. My Youngest was at the computer so I couldn't go straight to my book project. So I thought this would be a good opportunity to email another batch of resume/writing samples to (a fourth) province.
By the time I got to the computer and was able to start on the book project, my ambition level was declining to nil. I tried to spur myself forward, but all that I saw before me was the chaotic layout of the book which I must fix.
As I struggled to persevere, replies from my resume started coming back. Two of the three responses were of the "we are 100 per cent local in our content" ilk. The third was that of we are not accepting new columnists but " I'll keep you in mind, if anything changes" ... Why was it then, that all I could think afterwards was, "What am I doing? Who do I think I am???"
I was sitting with my disorganized family history project in front of me, still reeling from the 'rejections' of the columnist idea when the phone rang.
It was the dance studio. "We will see you at the group class tonight, won't we??" they asked. I was feeling low, frumpy, my vision blurred with my out-of-date perscription in my ugly old glasses ... and they were suggesting that I push myself out of my misery and go out and socialize? My mind was not even in a place where I wanted to negotiate. I was staying home and I knew it.
It came up in conversation that the blog posts that I had been asked to write (about a month ago) had been sitting 'unpublished' in their dance-blog. I had sent an email the morning I finished them to let them know they were written. I left them in 'draft' form so that they could be edited if necessary before they were posted. And there they sat. For a month (more rejection??).
One of them was titled "Winter Blues? Come to a Group Class!" It focused on the special group classes being offered at the studio in January and February. The whole theme behind what I initially wrote was out of date. I tried to go in and edit it. But I couldn't. I couldn't even talk myself into going to a group class. I most certainly couldn't sell anyone else on the idea.
I gave up.
I threw supper together and parked myself on the couch. I started nodding off to sleep somewhere around 6:00. I woke up at 7:30 and thought to myself, "Whoops ... I missed group class". Then fell back into a light snooze.
It was kind of a crappy day. I have been sticking my neck out an awful lot lately and it's getting sore. I just needed to sleep it off.
Surprisingly, I woke up at about 3:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I checked my email and found this message:
I read those words, took two pain killers to ease the pain in my neck/back and headed back to bed. Numb the pain and don't give up. That is my plan for today.
Undeterred, I thought I would quickly run out and get them fixed. I had been putting off getting groceries and my eye doctor is across the street from the grocery store. I would be back in an hour.
I drove up to my eye-place and it looked rather dark inside. My eyes were drawn to the sign on the doors. They had moved. It wasn't too far, but it added an unexpected dimension to my quick errand.
After getting groceries, I found the new location for my eye doctor. I walked in and someone was able to help me immediately.
Except ... the moment I told her that one of my temples had snapped off, she told me that a part would have to be ordered. She checked to see if my glasses were still under warranty. Unfortunately, they weren't.
So ... the next girl called to find out how long it would take for the necessary part and the cost. I wasn't terribly surprised to discover that they no longer make the part required for my glasses. It looked like I would be shopping for some new ones.
I mentioned my financial limitations and asked if we could browse in the bargain section. The girl was so cheery and helpful. I said that I had been feeling rather frumpy ever since I started wearing my glasses full time and she said, "We'll have to change that!"
I didn't even bother looking in the mirror because I couldn't see. She suggested that I could look in the mirror at the end of the aisle and get really close to it. Sorry. A close up version of a blind me in a public mirror would not sell me on the best pair of glasses. I looked at her instead and let her choose.
Last fall, I went in for a quote on some glasses prior to finding out that I couldn't afford to buy them (just before my full-time job turned into a substitute position). Lens prices had increased since that time, but they honor their quotes for six months. That saved me $30.00. She found me a cheaper pair of frames and that saved another $110.00. Which means I also saved $14.00 in taxes. It was my lucky day after all.
Next disappointment? It will take 10 - 12 business days for my new glasses to arrive. She did put a rush on it since my current glasses are unfixable. She couldn't even glue them together as a temporary fix. So I must wait.
Then I came home.
My momentum was lost. My Youngest was at the computer so I couldn't go straight to my book project. So I thought this would be a good opportunity to email another batch of resume/writing samples to (a fourth) province.
By the time I got to the computer and was able to start on the book project, my ambition level was declining to nil. I tried to spur myself forward, but all that I saw before me was the chaotic layout of the book which I must fix.
As I struggled to persevere, replies from my resume started coming back. Two of the three responses were of the "we are 100 per cent local in our content" ilk. The third was that of we are not accepting new columnists but " I'll keep you in mind, if anything changes" ... Why was it then, that all I could think afterwards was, "What am I doing? Who do I think I am???"
I was sitting with my disorganized family history project in front of me, still reeling from the 'rejections' of the columnist idea when the phone rang.
It was the dance studio. "We will see you at the group class tonight, won't we??" they asked. I was feeling low, frumpy, my vision blurred with my out-of-date perscription in my ugly old glasses ... and they were suggesting that I push myself out of my misery and go out and socialize? My mind was not even in a place where I wanted to negotiate. I was staying home and I knew it.
It came up in conversation that the blog posts that I had been asked to write (about a month ago) had been sitting 'unpublished' in their dance-blog. I had sent an email the morning I finished them to let them know they were written. I left them in 'draft' form so that they could be edited if necessary before they were posted. And there they sat. For a month (more rejection??).
One of them was titled "Winter Blues? Come to a Group Class!" It focused on the special group classes being offered at the studio in January and February. The whole theme behind what I initially wrote was out of date. I tried to go in and edit it. But I couldn't. I couldn't even talk myself into going to a group class. I most certainly couldn't sell anyone else on the idea.
I gave up.
I threw supper together and parked myself on the couch. I started nodding off to sleep somewhere around 6:00. I woke up at 7:30 and thought to myself, "Whoops ... I missed group class". Then fell back into a light snooze.
It was kind of a crappy day. I have been sticking my neck out an awful lot lately and it's getting sore. I just needed to sleep it off.
Surprisingly, I woke up at about 3:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I checked my email and found this message:
"Many of life's failures
are people who did not realize how close they were to success
when they gave up."
~Thomas A. Edison~
I read those words, took two pain killers to ease the pain in my neck/back and headed back to bed. Numb the pain and don't give up. That is my plan for today.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
My Dream Vacation
This week has been a gift. A gift of time. Which is allowing me to finally work on following through on one of my unfinished goals of last year.
I stopped in my tracks last year and never really regained my momentum. Then, I allowed myself to be distracted by the fun and uplifting events going on in my world. Which was followed by a bold decision to stop everything and switch career paths.
It has almost been a year since my world stopped turning in a predictable direction. I am finally regaining my equilibrium.
Working on our family's collection of memories, stories and history has taken over my thinking this week.
I have travelled back to a simpler time. I am enveloped in memories of when Dad and his six brothers were young and just starting to find their way in this big old world of ours.
As I reread and rewrite the transcribed conversations, I am taken back to the journey that I have been on since I started my 'research'. I have warm memories of talking with Dad's brothers, family members, family friends & neighbors. I hear their voices as I replay our visits.
I have reconstructed my vision of what I hope this book becomes. It keeps changing, evolving and growing. I don't think this book was meant to be rushed. But I have taken far too long. I believe it's ready to be written now.
I am gaining the momentum that I lost. I am ready.
It is exactly the kind of vacation that I needed and wanted. A vacation within the confines of my very own heart and home.
I stopped in my tracks last year and never really regained my momentum. Then, I allowed myself to be distracted by the fun and uplifting events going on in my world. Which was followed by a bold decision to stop everything and switch career paths.
It has almost been a year since my world stopped turning in a predictable direction. I am finally regaining my equilibrium.
Working on our family's collection of memories, stories and history has taken over my thinking this week.
I have travelled back to a simpler time. I am enveloped in memories of when Dad and his six brothers were young and just starting to find their way in this big old world of ours.
As I reread and rewrite the transcribed conversations, I am taken back to the journey that I have been on since I started my 'research'. I have warm memories of talking with Dad's brothers, family members, family friends & neighbors. I hear their voices as I replay our visits.
I have reconstructed my vision of what I hope this book becomes. It keeps changing, evolving and growing. I don't think this book was meant to be rushed. But I have taken far too long. I believe it's ready to be written now.
I am gaining the momentum that I lost. I am ready.
It is exactly the kind of vacation that I needed and wanted. A vacation within the confines of my very own heart and home.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Then Comes the Crash
Not a crash so much. Just a gentle ride downhill ...
My brain is so full of ideas that I am having a hard time keeping up. The fact that I have a 'tickle trunk' full of books, notes, research, maps and a multitude of ideas scribbled on small pieces of paper for our family's story is overwhelming me. Just a bit.
I have spent two days going through the masses of information within that 'trunk' and I have accomplished so little. As I transpose the handwritten notes into my Word Document, I am so easily sidetracked. I want to find maps, pictures and dates correlating to the snippet of information that I've just written. My thought is, if I am curious then others will be. So I must follow these threads.
The threads are multi faceted. Many are interwoven with many other threads and by the time I have woven them all together, they have become a multicolored strand of yarn.
One. Step. At. A. Time. I must keep taking forward steps. This is something bigger than I am right now. I must try and contain it and put it all together between the covers of a book.
I have an unwavering picture in my mind of what I hope this could become. I can envision losing myself in this project when it all starts coming together in one, cohesive unit.
I can see it. I can feel it. I could do it.
But getting from here to there? Scares my socks off. I feel the sea parting ... do I have the courage to walk through before the waters come crashing back in on me?
Most of the time? I feel invincible. I can do this. Before I go to sleep at night? I wonder. Am I up to the task? Can I truly pick myself up and transport myself into a world where I could immerse myself in this project?
Life has a way of opening doors and making anything possible. It also has a way of stopping you in your tracks. I am prepared to make some detours.
I have great faith that 'what is meant to be ... will be'. I have taken a few tentative steps out of my comfort zone to try and find a unique and personal way to turn this book into an adventure.
My Second Son is behind me 150%. He tells me "If you do this ... it will change your life." It could. That is both exhilarating and terrifying.
Thus ... my sleepless moments last night before I drifted off into another dimension. What have I done??? Is that a crash I hear? Or the sound of new wings testing their stamina?
My brain is so full of ideas that I am having a hard time keeping up. The fact that I have a 'tickle trunk' full of books, notes, research, maps and a multitude of ideas scribbled on small pieces of paper for our family's story is overwhelming me. Just a bit.
I have spent two days going through the masses of information within that 'trunk' and I have accomplished so little. As I transpose the handwritten notes into my Word Document, I am so easily sidetracked. I want to find maps, pictures and dates correlating to the snippet of information that I've just written. My thought is, if I am curious then others will be. So I must follow these threads.
The threads are multi faceted. Many are interwoven with many other threads and by the time I have woven them all together, they have become a multicolored strand of yarn.
One. Step. At. A. Time. I must keep taking forward steps. This is something bigger than I am right now. I must try and contain it and put it all together between the covers of a book.
I have an unwavering picture in my mind of what I hope this could become. I can envision losing myself in this project when it all starts coming together in one, cohesive unit.
I can see it. I can feel it. I could do it.
But getting from here to there? Scares my socks off. I feel the sea parting ... do I have the courage to walk through before the waters come crashing back in on me?
Most of the time? I feel invincible. I can do this. Before I go to sleep at night? I wonder. Am I up to the task? Can I truly pick myself up and transport myself into a world where I could immerse myself in this project?
Life has a way of opening doors and making anything possible. It also has a way of stopping you in your tracks. I am prepared to make some detours.
I have great faith that 'what is meant to be ... will be'. I have taken a few tentative steps out of my comfort zone to try and find a unique and personal way to turn this book into an adventure.
My Second Son is behind me 150%. He tells me "If you do this ... it will change your life." It could. That is both exhilarating and terrifying.
Thus ... my sleepless moments last night before I drifted off into another dimension. What have I done??? Is that a crash I hear? Or the sound of new wings testing their stamina?
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