Changing the Outcome of the Day

I don't know what my problem is. In fact, I don't think I have a problem. I read about everyone else's lives and what they are facing and I know for a fact that I have it good. Very, very good. But I'm in a bad rut this week.

So I've decided to try and change the way this day plays out. I am taking a 'weekend break' first thing in the morning (in lieu of exercising) and putting myself first. Time to savor that second and third cup of coffee; time to send an email; time to blog. Just time ... before my day gets off and running.

My eating patterns have been over the top the past few days.

Last night was the worst. I couldn't help myself. I stopped and bought a bag of chips on my way home from dancing. I was an anonymous shopper in a different grocery store than I usually shop in. I thought I could get away with my 'crime' (only junk food in my grocery bag) unnoticed. Not so. I ran into the instructors from the dance studio as I left with my goods (darn those see through grocery bags). I stopped in my tracks and confessed. They fessed up too - they were going in to buy all sorts of healthy foods.

The only thing that saved me was that I bought 'kettle cooked' potato chips (trying to be healthy, you know). They were gross. That didn't stop me from eating half of the bag. But a few hours after I tucked them away for the next emergency, I ceremoniously threw them in the garbage. I don't need them! No more bad food choice options at my fingertips.

In order to accomplish that goal (no bad food choices in the house), I ate the rest of them. I have found that the taste of something sweet on my tongue releases more sugar cravings than I can bear. So I ate every last one of the 45 calorie fudgicles that I had in the house. I believe that there were at least 5 of them (I didn't count, but I could count the wrappers in the garbage this morning). These low cal treats are divine. I have no idea how they shaved the calorie count down to 45 without trading off the flavor sensation that felt purely sinful.

I have an empty agenda tonight. This spells disaster in my world. My hand to mouth disease (called over eating) is insatiable. The act of putting food in my mouth and devouring the flavors, textures and feeling of filling the void within is a purely addictive act. It has absolutely nothing to do with hunger. So ... my plan for tonight is to exercise instead of eat.

This morning, I am filling my quiet time nurturing myself. Taking time out to do what I enjoy, before my house fills up with kids. I have caught myself turning to food every time I face a 'moment' with the kids. Every time I hear my name called in a 4 syllable lilt "Col ee ee een", I physically cringe. "Now what?" is my immediate thought. Then I shovel something into my mouth. My day job is getting to me.

I have a small amount of little things piling up in my mind (those 'impossible things' that make me feel overwhelmed when I ignore them ... and invincible when I face up to them). So I must confront them in the down moments of my day.

My to-do list for today:

Give myself the gift of time this morning.
Shave one small impossible thing off of my worry list during the day.
Spend as much time as possible outside.
Eat only healthy foods.
Exercise tonight.

And this ... shall change the outcome of my day!