I Can See Clearly Now

It's like I've been living in a haze.

Lately, I've been wondering ...

Why I am having such a hard time with balance at my dance lessons? Why haven't I had a good hair day in 2 months? What's with this continual upward spiral my weight has been taking?

This is just a small sampling on the things that have been playing havoc with my mind lately. If this is the most that I have to worry about, I am the luckiest person alive.

The answers started coming to me fast and furious this past week.

I honestly thought that I couldn't balance at dancing anymore because of my weight gain. I assumed that my equilibrium just couldn't keep up with the pounds that were adding up every week. Then I admitted my inability to balance, at my dance lesson last week and my instructor assured me that it had nothing to do with my weight and most assuredly had something to do with my shoes. Sure enough, the lifts on the heels of my shoes had worn down in such a way that it was a fight to simply stand on my shoes, let alone dance/turn in them. Solution: new heel lifts. I pick up my repaired shoes today.

My hair! I was getting so frustrated with it. Every day was a bad hair day. I blamed my last haircut for the problem. Then I finally realized that the brush I was using to blow dry my hair was too small for the length that my hair has grown to. Sure enough! Upon browsing the hair brushes in the store last night, there were different sized brushes for various styling needs. I bought a new 'straightening' brush and couldn't wait to try it out. Outcome: the first good hair day since I can't remember when!

The weight gain. The more I fretted, the more I ate. The more I ate, the less I felt like moving. The lack of physical movement and excess of food somehow kept translating to more weight gain. Go figure.

I tried different types of 'cleansing' where there were many 'forbidden foods' to avoid. That was a recipe for disaster, since I tend to crave what I cannot have.

I tried many combinations of adding and subtracting good and bad food and exercise habits into my life gradually ... to be 'rewarded' by extra weight being added on at the end of the week.

After that, I convinced myself that I must have a thyroid problem. I discovered that I had 1/2 of the symptoms of an under active thyroid and it gave me a small amount of solace to have an excuse.

Then ... I came up with my 'calorie budget' plan. I found a chart that let me know how the maximum amount of calories I could consume in a day, to lose "X" amount of weight in "X" amount of time. If I was active, I could consume more calories. If I wasn't as active, I had a smaller amount of calories that I could consume. It's amazing how much easier it is to exercise, when it is part of that mathematical calculation. I enjoy eating. I'm not into starvation or depriving myself. I chose to move.

Now ... consuming less and moving more has finally started the downward descent of my weight. Again, this is so obvious it's embarrassing to admit that it is a revelation to me. I've exercised (lightly) before. I've cut back on food portions (slightly) before. In those days, it worked. As the years are gaining on me, I do have to exercise a little harder and eat a lot wiser. Another revelation.

As these obvious solutions start revealing themselves to me, I wonder what was causing my hazy vision. Looking for answers instead of excuses is the first step to clarity.