Breaking Away

I listened to the lyrics of "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson yesterday. This ... is the theme song for my life!

"Grew up in a small town ... Dreaming of what could be. And if I'd end up happy ..."

I grew up on a small farm. I was a quiet child with a lot of thoughts. I remember marvelling at the ease with which my mom talked with people and hoping I could become like her some day. I wondered if I'd end up happy ...

"But when I tried to speak out. Felt like no one could hear me ..."

That shyness. I went from living at home where my mom spoke for me when I couldn't spit out the words .... to a marriage, where my husband took over the role. I remember the first time that I honestly wanted to speak and no one was there to do it for me. It was in the coffee room in the basement of the Bank of Nova Scotia where I was in a Work Experience program that I took when I was newly married. I was 17 years old ... and I wanted to speak.

"But something felt so wrong here. So I prayed I could break away ..."

My on again, off again marriage. I was addicted to an unhealthy relationship. I couldn't break away from it as long as I lived in the same city. So at age 27, I packed up my two young sons and broke away.

"I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly. I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky ..."

I moved to a new city where I was forced to be independent. One sister lived an hour and a half to the east; another sister lived an hour and a half to the north of me; my brother and my mom lived five hours to the west. I was nestled in the middle of my family. But I had to spread my wings and learn how to fly on my own.

"And I'll make a wish. Take a chance. Make a change. And breakaway..."

I took another chance on love. It was so much better than my previous relationship ... but I was still losing myself when I was part of a couple. It was yet another on again, off again relationship ... but eventually I had to save myself. I had to breakaway.

"Out of the darkness and into the sun. But I won't forget all the ones that I love ..."

Those days after I walked away from the relationship (that I thought was forever) were the darkest days. It is said that it's always darkest before the dawn. And it is true. But I won't forget ...

"I'll take a risk. Take a chance. Make a change ..."

It was while I was in the abyss of that despair, that I wrote a list of what I should do. Unconsciously, I did every single thing on that list. I reinvented myself in the process. I took risks and invited people into my life. I took a chance and finally followed through on an idea that I had, to write a book about my mom's family. I made a change. Within myself.

"Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will). And breakaway ..."

Two separate life changing vacations. One, to begin the process of collecting stories for my dad's family story. The other (need I say it out loud?) ... to The Amazing Dance Competition of 2010. I took two vacations on my own (without children) in two years. I broke away (for a few days).

"Swinging around revolving doors. Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but ... Gotta keep moving on, moving on ..."

I continue to push myself into the unknown. Any time that I start to feel like I'm wandering aimlessly through life, I know it's time to push myself out of my comfort zone. I don't know where this road will take me, but I'm moving on.

"But I won't forget the place I come from ..."

My roots. My family. My children. I am so firmly grounded that it would take dynamite to shake my foundation. I will not forget my family, I will not forget the ones that I love, I will not forget the connections that I've made, I will not forget the small pieces of the puzzle that put together the life that I am living.

I broke away from my quiet self. I forged into a new life where I do what I love, surround myself with positive and caring people, I am full of hope and dreams. The sky is the limit ...

And when the end of my days here on earth come to a close, let my message be:

"Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye. I gotta take a risk. Take a chance. Make a change. And breakaway ..."

Like the email "Keep Your Fork, the Best is Yet to Come" (click on the title to read the poem in its entirety) ... my motto now and forever is ...

The best is yet to come!