Writer's Remorse

I'm wavering back and forth this morning over yesterday's post. Do I delete it? Do I change it? Or do I just let it be?

I wrote about someone else's circumstances yesterday. I've read and reread my words and every time I read them, I think it's okay. The words are 95% about my own personal circumstances, with 5% of (a very condensed version of) my friend's situation. This is what I write about. Life around me and how I see it ...

Like the story lines of many of the serial drama television shows, parallel story lines happen in real life.

We internalize what is going on around us. Something that is happening to someone else often reminds us of something that we endured that was of a similar nature. It gives us the ability to empathize. It often gives us a chance to view something in our own life, from a different vantage point.

I do this all of the time. I continue to learn from events of my past ... by seeing it through someone else's eyes.

When My Oldest and I started talking about his childhood, our move to another province, his father and the events of our lives together ... I started to finally fully see how my son internalized the same scenario. And he has finally started to see the reasons behind my actions. Throughout his 31 years, we have never had that connection. Yes, we had to dig up the past and wade through it. But it has healed our relationship in a way that nothing else could have.

When my son's long term relationship ended, it was heart wrenching. It brought back a lot of old memories to see him in such pain. I dug up many circumstances of my past to try and explain how I felt at times. I was truly beginning to understand what it may have felt like for those that I had once loved. As I have often said, there are two sides to every story. I'm not going to live my life in regret ... but it doesn't hurt to be aware of the other person's feelings.

I have promised myself that I am going to live my life in a forward direction. I am not going to define myself by who I used to be. I've evolved over the years and I have many great dramas to be grateful for, because they changed me.

The person I used to be has given the person that I am now, a wealth of resources to draw on. I will continue to dig up unresolved issues and reexamine them as life presents the opportunity.

It is the parallel lives that we lead with others, that connects us. I am blessed to have many relate able experiences to draw on.

Will I revise yesterday's post? I'm not sure right now. When my fingers take on a life of their own, there is usually a reason. At times, my subconscious mind speaks when I write. More often than not, when I write something that comes from that deeper place in my mind, I find out later that someone needed to read those words at that time.

I'm not sure why those words were unleashed yesterday, but I may just call and check in on my friend. Most likely, that is what I needed to do all along.