Scribbles

I kept a scrap of paper that I scribbled on at the onset of the week of June 6th.

It started with words "End: June 30". This was to be my last day of work. I then calculated the calendar days that I would need after that date and wrote "Start (a new job): July 11".

I was at work at the time. My thoughts and frustrations were overwhelming me, so I kept that scrap of paper close by and sporadically scrawled the words that were churning inside of my head.

I calculated how much I needed to earn to pay my bills. I calculated how much I was presently earning. There was a shortfall.

I calculated how much I needed to borrow to pay my bills last year. I subtracted the bonus that I received from my employer. It covered half of the shortfall.

I scribbled down the issues that have been plaguing me at work. My exasperation at feeling that I had done something helpful, only to be shot down.

I folded up the paper and tucked it away.

On June 10th, I started searching for my next career.

I am one month behind schedule. My last day of work is July 29th. The start date of my next job is undetermined. At this moment in time, there is no 'next job'.

But I have hope.

I feel so strongly that I am on the right path, even though I have no idea where it will lead. I am following my heart. I am listening to that wise, knowing voice inside of my consciousness. I am taking a risk.

I have a plan and a clear vision of where I want to be.

I've done this before.

When I moved my young family to a brand new city to start a new life and remove us from a cycle that was detrimental to all.

When I set out to 'just be a mom' after My Youngest was born. There was something deep inside of my heart and soul that led me to believe that I could be 'just that'.

I've made bold choices in my life before. I'm doing it again.

It all began with scribbles on a piece of paper. The 'end date' of life-as-I-knew-it. The future is undetermined. But I am filled with trust and hope that all will work out better than I could have ever imagined.