Hitting a Wall

I feel like I'm up against a wall lately (visions of Pebbles Flintstone continuing to go through the motions of crawling even though she has run into a wall waft through my mind).

I walked out of work yesterday and felt disappointed. It has been a week where I have not been alone in the office. So I have been asking questions. Lots of questions. I have horrible flashbacks about asking too many questions and not advancing in my job. I have been bringing that into my dreams at night. That was then. This is now. What I have realized is that I feel better about myself when I figure out things on my own. I make small advances every time I survive one of those tough days. This has not been one of those weeks.

Then there are my feet. They are slowing me down to a crawl.

I received a notice of some upcoming Zumba classes that I would love to take. Of course there is the money situation which must be considered. But the real reason that I have not taken any more classes? My feet. I have one pair of shoes that I can wear without irritating my toes. If I go for walks in these shoes, it irritates the corns on my toes. As long as I utilize them for work and gadding about tending to life, I can make do. Any extra curricular activity and my toes are inflamed and even those shoes are uncomfortable.

Which brings me to dancing. Dancing ended at the same time as my full-time employment did. Since then, I have booked two, half-hour lessons in the middle of a day that I was not working. Just because I could and I was in a mood too good to be wasted not dancing!

Last night I had a lesson at my (previous) regularly scheduled time, which was followed by a group class and practise session. My feet were aching in new and improved ways well before the practise session started. But there was an eager, new dancer there who wanted to practise what he had learned. And who am I to say 'no' to an invitation like that?!!

He was young, full of energy and an experienced bollywood dancer. At one point, he told me that he didn't have to work today, so he could have gone all night. I laughed and said that I definitely felt that he could! My body could have went on much longer ... but it was my feet that were aching to stop.

(I just YouTubed bollywood and found this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-H6z6m3Y_Q ; they are dancing in their bare feet! Maybe this is something that I should look into ...)

Then there is the whole 'money' thing. I am quite honestly not earning enough to cover my expenses right now. I got through January and February thanks to Christmas gifts, charitable acts and donations and my income tax refund. Spring break (another unpaid week of holidays) and summer vacation is right around the corner. I must come up with a plan.

I have even hit a wall with my writing. I need to bring life and new experiences into my days so that I have something that lifts me up and out of this place I am in and I have something new to write about. My thoughts are highly recycled and reused ideas. I am so bored with my own thought processes that I put myself to sleep.

I recognized a red flag last night as I struggled to stay alert until I left the house at 6:40 p.m. to go to my dance lesson. There was nothing that I wanted more at that moment, than to climb into my pj's and curl up on the couch. It is a sad, sad day when an evening of doing absolutely nothing trumps dancing!

Are these just excuses? Or are they obstacles begging to be overcome so that I can find a new plateau? Or am I being stopped in my tracks so that I have the time and inclination to tend to that-which-I-have-been-ignoring for the past few years? Like spring cleaning and writing a book.

Energy begets energy. Lethargy begets lethargy. I think that my answer is clear. I just have to act on it.