Moving Towards the Light

I need to focus on lighter thoughts. The deepness of that which I seem to be focusing on lately is weighing me down.

Things like money, the future, insecurity, inadequacy and fear of failure are weighing heavy on my mind.

I need to lighten up! To focus on the little things that bring a smile to my heart, a spring in my step and ignite hopefulness and joy within.

I must shift my focus from that which I have no control over. I must take the days that I am given and make the most of what I have (despite the fact that my day-at-hand can change with one phone call).

Last night, I sat paralyzed on the couch. I was wide awake and unable to move.

I should have went to a Grade 8 parent meeting at the school. I didn't go because I was afraid. I was afraid there wouldn't be many parents there and I would get roped into doing a job that frightened me. I took consolation in the fact that all parents that couldn't attend will be updated with the information that will be sent home. So I stayed glued to my spot on the couch and didn't leave the house.

I could have went dancing but I just ... didn't want to.

When it boils down to it, there is a lot that I don't want to do lately. It is crippling me. I have let myself get to a place where I am fearful of treading where I have never gone before. Heavens! I am even afraid to go to familiar places because I feel like a shell of the person that I have the potential to be.

What is happening? Is coping with the instability of my job using up all of my resources so I have nothing left at the end of a day? Is treading in new territory in other areas zapping my creativity juices? Or have I simply become complacent with doing nothing ... because it has become a habit?

I know that I must push myself out of this spot. I am happiest when I am facing life head on and challenging myself. At the moment, I simply feel like I am standing still in the eye of a storm. Life is whirling on all around me ... but I am hunkering down where I feel safe and afraid to move.

I must wait until the winds subside ... and then take a step towards the light. One step in a positive direction will start me down the path that I need to take.

One step ...