Nerves

I got called to work today. My stomach jumped when the phone rang and hasn't settled down since.

Yesterday our school newsletter was due to go out. I woke up with a funny head 'thing' going on. It's been so long since I've had any type of head ache I didn't know what to call it. It wasn't a head ache but it felt like fists were kind of squishing my brain.

I got up anyway (assuming that a cup of coffee would cure all that ailed me) and then I was on the cusp of nauseousness.

The morning before that, my stomach was a mess. I had volunteered to help out with the Volunteer Appreciation BBQ. Something new. All I had to do was dole out macaroni salad. And I wondered if I could do it correctly ...

Every day I go to work, my stomach does flip flops. (Almost) every day I stay home, I feel a quiet relief wash over me. I am often so overcome with relief, I feel a sense of paralysis.

It's no wonder I am not relishing the idea of finding summer employment. My confidence level is better than it was ... but it is still a far, far cry from where it should be.

I know this is one of the things in my life that must stabilize or else I must change it. And the very idea of more change sends my stomach into another frenzy.

There it goes again ...

P.S. The moment I walk out the door and head out and confront these fears ... the nerves, the stomach, head and stress issues immediately dissipate. The moral to this story is that it is the lack of doing that gets my nerves all on high alert. The moment I take control and just plow through and 'do', I am fine. And I suppose even stronger because I faced up to another scary day and dealt with it ...