Thinking Out Loud

I didn't realize it at the time, but I could have been sitting down and having a conversation with my brother yesterday when I wrote down my thoughts-of-the-day-I-just-spent at the day's end.

I was fortunate enough to hear his end of the conversation via an email that he sent to me before he read those words. We could have been sitting down at the kitchen table talking to each other. Our thoughts were so closely correlated.

Each and every time someone comments that they have connected to something that I have written brings me back 'here' - writing my nonsense, heavy thoughts, frivolous thoughts and everything in between.

Perhaps I write too much. I lay my thoughts out on the ground and they could so very easily be stomped on, criticized, ignored or ridiculed. I don't doubt that happens. It is just that I live in a very small, secluded and  protected island where I am surrounded with kind people. So I just keep writing.

Just when I think that I've written enough about our cats, someone will tell me how much they enjoy those cat-tales. Just when I think I've said too much and revealed something that I should have kept to myself, someone will tell me that was exactly what they needed to read that day. I can almost hear my sister laughing when I bare my soul about the inevitable phases of aging and 'beauty' gone awry. Even when I write of the nothingness-that-is-my-life and turn a kitchen table into a story, and someone (my mom) may comment on that.

So I keep showing up.

I am blessed with incredible friendships within my world. Many of those friends stop by and read my blogs. I cannot tell you the number of times I have found myself in the middle of a conversation where I feel that someone has read my mind. Then I recognize my own words within their vocabulary and I realize that they haven't read my mind. They have read my writing.

Each of us has our own burden to bear. The load becomes heaviest when we try to carry it on our own. I found out a very long time ago, that by opening up and talking about hard things ... the load is lessened.

Sometimes the excess thoughts pile up and simply releasing the words (and emotion behind them) lightens the load. Sometimes that is all that is required.

Other times, you hear your own answers when you spill the words that are piling up inside. Or you may hear your own answer come back to you in another person's voice. You may simply need permission to feel what you are feeling so that you can take the next forward step.

When you open yourself up to the world, you become vulnerable. I believe that (most) people respect that vulnerability because they recognize themselves within that, which you have just bared.

Thinking out loud has opened many doors for me. Friendships have become 'real' faster by revealing my true self. Answers have come easier by spilling the emotions behind my thoughts and leaving the words behind.

Give yourself permission to think out loud. Don't think of it as complaining or whining. Think of it as 'problem resolution' and 'relationship building'.

Say the words. Your answers will come. Eventually...