Thursday, July 23, 2015

Feeling Empowered

I believe it is not a coincidence that yesterday's post "Openly Grateful" is followed by one titled "Feeling Empowered".

Yesterday is a day I would not want to live day in and day out.

It was full to the brim of all-things-daycare; many-things-household-maintenance added to my regularly scheduled day of children, responsibility and an evening that didn't end until sometime in and around 8:00.

I was interviewed by three families in need of daycare for their soon-to-be one year olds. Two of these interviews took place in the middle of my "full house" daycare day.

Quiet time was interrupted by a window/door guy arriving a half hour before he said he would be here. This would impress my mom greatly. But it disrupted my quiet time rituals and the house was never quiet yesterday. This is usually the death of me.

One final service call that never did take place must trickle over into today's schedule of events. But it was an excuse to stay inside with five energetic children who hadn't been outside to run and play and climb and scream all day.

My email has been a buzz of activity since I actively advertised my opening for an infant. I had to cease all interviews until I found out what transpires after talking with three separate families yesterday.

I have no idea how to handle multiple acceptances. I have not been in this place before. I do not want to have to choose.

It is a very heady experience for me to talk with new parents and "sell myself". It reminds me of why I am here, doing what I am doing.

I even confessed (more than once) to the last family who spoke to me, "I am not all that great"; "I am far from perfect"; "I could be so much better ..." in a (subconscious?) last ditch effort to create a situation so I am not the one who has to choose. Guess what? They are the one family who sent a late night email telling me they really want to bring their daughter to my daycare.

Honesty sells, I guess.

I woke up this morning feeling revived. I received so much positive energy from these interviews. I was overwhelmed by the pending estimate of doors and a window. But suddenly feeling like I have a stable income and can support whatever financial decision must be made.

I had the courage to send off a month's worth of columns, when (just two days ago) I was thinking I should just resign from this writing gig.

I feel encouraged, accepted and even though  "I am not all that great"; "I am far from perfect"; "I could be so much better ...", I am content to feel "I am good enough".

I am in a very good spot in my life right now.

I am where I want to be. I feel safe. I feel grateful. Oh, how grateful I feel! Because I know only too well, that this could all change in a heartbeat.

So just for today, just for now, I am going to revel in feeling "good enough". Because that is just the best I can be.

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