There is a Redo Button!

If ever you want a retry situation in life ... create two back-to-back opportunities of similar scenarios. You have a chance to learn from the first try while the lesson is fresh in your mind.

I have just lived the experience of gathering my family, 2 nights in a row. I was content with the way our first night went. I really had no expectations of myself, other than simply breathing and enjoying the moments while I had my company. And I was okay with the way I handled my excitement after night #1.

Last night felt more chaotic in my mind ... but I still relaxed and had many, many moments where I sat still with my guests. I can honestly say that I enjoyed every moment. And took time to savor it while I was living it, instead of the next morning in front of the computer as I reflected and wrote about it (though I am thoroughly enjoying this morning's afterglow as well).

I had the chance to rectify the errors of the night before. The propane tank was full and I remembered to bring out the margarine, salt, pepper and cheese for the burgers. I believe that was all that was on my 'list' of items to remember the next time.

My biggest (only?) regrets in life are not living in the moment. As a younger child/adult, every time I was in a group setting I had a lot of negative self talk going on. I didn't know how to talk to people, I felt uninteresting to be talked to, I was uncomfortable in my own skin ... let alone in a group of people. I would attach myself to Mom or a sibling and be their shadow, basking in the glow of their ability to mingle and socialize. I didn't stand alone.

The metamorphosis of the old me to the new has been gradual. I believe that writing has opened many doors to my self confidence. Writing letters, notes, cards, the Christmas season exchange of words evolved to emails and blogging. The blogs allowed me to diversify to different 'audiences'. I started writing to a group, which has evolved into the comfort level that I am beginning to feel as I become personally involved in a group setting.

I am a very excitable person. I literally break into a sweat just anticipating something. I get into the situation and I talk too much, think too fast, can't physically sit still and I have missed many golden opportunities to just savor the here and now.

At my last gathering of 'the cousins', one of my guests kept telling me to just sit ... relax ... have a drink. Last night, he was here once again and I told him that I was taking his advice. He didn't really recall what he had said to me but I reminded him. And as I saw him standing on the sidelines last night, I was able to repeat the favor. I grabbed a lawn chair and said sit ... relax, and I felt that I had come full circle.

The 'redo button' is available. Second chances are doled out quite generously in life. It's called learning from your mistakes.

"A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it (as evidenced by a change in attitude and behavior), then you can go on to the next lesson."
- from the "Rules for Being Human"