I Just Want to Dance

It has been almost 2 weeks since I had my last private dance lesson. I came home from that lesson armed with a video tape of the dance we are working on. So that I could practise with all of my free time ...

Free time. I used to have some of that regularly interspersed throughout my days. Now, it seems that I could utilize every moment of every day. But when I do sit down and take a break from the work portions of my life, I either read or write. I want to dance!

I love that my life is full of work, challenges, people, goals and things that I enjoy doing. I love that I can sit down in an idle moment and just cherish it. I don't have to be doing and going all of the time. I am very good at idling. I used to have nervous energy left in me at the end of the day. Now, I slip into oblivion and sleep. I sleep like a rock. Where is the energy I used to have, to want to dance?

I love the sensation of turning on some music and losing myself in it. I love when the music seeps into my very being and I cannot sit still or be quiet. I have to move and sing. I feel the music within and it feels great. There was a time when I couldn't stop myself from dancing.

But it seems that I have turned dancing into work. Working on a routine for a showcase is fun and challenging. The end result of performing a routine in a dance costume (where one feels a little bit like a princess), on a day that is fully devoted to dancing is intoxicating. I love it. But to get from here (where I am truly struggling with one full section of our routine) to there (where I feel I'm ready to perform it in front of an audience) takes ... work.

I'm tired of work. I just want to have fun. So my dance tape sits untouched. Waiting. Waiting until I get caught up on the book keeping that just keeps coming. Waiting to get caught up with transcribing the conversations that I taped over 2 months ago. Waiting to get caught up on the never ending errands that need to be run. Waiting until I have enough energy to put into the brain-work part learning my part of the routine. After the learning process is complete ... I can dance. Just for the fun of it.

"... dance like no one is watching ... "