Maintaining Equilibrium

As I was going through my scribbler labeled "Oprahism's" yesterday (researching my food obsession), I came to a page that was full the emotional reasons why I think that food has overtaken my mind lately.

My biggest hurdle is night time eating. In my notes, I have written that night time eating is emotional. I totally agree. The question to ask yourself is "What are you really craving?"

Further down on the page is a circle divided into pie shaped pieces - each wedge representing the various parts of life that are required for good physical and mental health. Every one's circle could be full of different labels on those wedges but I labeled mine: family, friends, me-time, finances, intimate relationship, fun & recreation, fitness and work.

I know when the majority of my life feels in balance, I feel a content equilibrium within. I don't miss the 'intimate relationship' part of the circle when I am satisfied in all other areas.

But when work starts taking over 2 wedges instead of 1 ... or I don't have enough time by myself, I can feel the balance toppling.

My notes tell me when there is a deficit of pleasure or if life is out of balance, it triggers unhealthy eating patterns. I think that statement explains a lot more than eating patterns. It explains our moods and coping abilities.

There is a delicate balance to life, that I can almost physically feel. When the tides in my life shift and I'm lacking or stressed in too many parts of my 'circle', my inner contentment wanes. I've had some life-lessons that have taught me to fight to keep that serenity. I believe that is why I'm so tuned into what I need to retain that inner contentment.

The question on the page that spoke to me the loudest was "In a perfect world, what would you change?" I haven't looked at this scribbler since I wrote out the words. Yet, I have found myself starting my wish-list lately with: "In a perfect world ..."

I know exactly what I want. I am somewhat frustrated with the state of 'where I am' verses 'where I want to be'.

I haven't done it recently, but I know there have been numerous occasions where I walk straight to a source of food, in a moment of frustration with the kids.

I know that taking a leave from my Saturday employment and replacing the 6 hours that I used to work, with double or triple the workload (although it is all from home and something that I can squeeze into most days) is not the sanest alternative. Though, it is a step in the direction that I want to take ... so I persevere.

In a perfect world ... I would go back to school full time and take affirmative action on my goals.

In a perfect world ... I would lessen the kid-load and focus on taking on more book keeping work.

In my perfect world ... I will be self employed (book keeping), doing what I love (writing) while I am running a little Bed & Breakfast that exudes warmth, peace and contentment. People will come and they will have no idea why ... but it will be because they are caught up in the serenity within the world that I have created for myself and want to share with others.

In a perfect world ... there is a balance in all things vital to my life. Work will not overtake my need to spend time with family and friends. Finances will not dictate my choices. My life will be in harmony as I learn to laugh and play and savor each and every moment. I will have enough time for myself, that I am rich with energy to spend with others. Intimate relationship? Whatever happens ... happens. I am fulfilled with strong friendships and relationships with the people in my life. If it's not broken, don't fix it.

This is what I'm truly craving (not the food!).

"If I build it ... they will come"
from the movie 'Field of Dreams'