Need Input

We just watched "Short Circuit" on the weekend - a movie about a robot that can absorb information (input) like a sponge. And as I woke up to face this day, I heard his little robot voice inside of my head saying "Need input" .... Positive input.

I've had a few less than positive encounters this week, which is not usually a big deal. But I haven't had much positive to offset the words, so I'm craving input. A few positives to outweigh the negatives.

As these brief conversations seem to be replaying in my mind, it is not so much the words that resonate within me ... but the tone. I am questioning if I initiated the negativity or simply responded to it. Normally, I just let these things slide off my back.

My days with kids haven't been great. The oldest one here wants her mom to find a new babysitter (I know this because she whispers this to the second oldest and he loudly declares that he wants his mom to find a new babysitter too). She has been doing this every time she's been here (she is only here on school holidays), so this is nothing new. I had been told that this family would probably not be here over the summer so I wasn't too worried about it. But so far, this hasn't been the case.

As this attitude starts from the top, it has a trickle down effect. So it is with attitudes. Starting with mine. I don't really want to be here either. Maybe I'm the one initiating it??

So I sat down with my pen and paper yesterday (every time I'm in a state of flux, I grab a piece of paper and start writing) and tried to formulate an action plan. What can we do, with this wide array of ages and personalities that are here over the course of the summer?? I came up with ideas. Now I just need to round up the ambition.

My evenings are pretty free once again with my dance instructor on holidays. Again, I grabbed my pen and pad and tried to formulate a plan of attack. How to best utilize those after supper hours? Time to exercise, time to work on transcribing those taped conversations and family histories, time to practise dancing ... time!!

Last night was my first free night. My kids were all gone one hour earlier than normal. So I sat outside with the cat and my book ... and I read. It was wonderful. Eventually I threw supper together and it was good. And I still had the entire evening ahead of me. I was in heaven.

And I wasted it. I finished my book, I grabbed another book and that was it. I didn't accomplish anything.

I finally finished (to the best of my ability) the pile of book keeping work that I've been working on the past week and a half. I think it is 'to the best of my ability' part that is so frustrating. I can complete, absolutely nothing. Between missing paperwork, unanswered questions and misleading information ... 'finished' is far from finished. I don't like working when I am unable to finish a job. There is little satisfaction to a job well done, when that job has 24 sticky notes with "??'s" marked on them and 2 pages worth of questions to be answered.

I'm spinning my wheels. I have so much to do ... and I'm not doing any more than the required minimum. I need a little dose of adrenaline coursing through my veins.

That is what 'positive input' does for me. Interactions with the positive people with my life is my life line. And I think it works both ways.

Time for action. If I need 'positive input', I must reach out for it. And that ... I shall do!