What Chapter Am I On?

As I was talking with my mom today, she was (once again) encouraging me as the date nears, for this next life change of mine. She asked me "So what 'chapter' are you on now?" (in my life).

Good question.

In the 'book' that is life, there really are many chapters. For most of my life, I just went where the road took me.

I didn't consciously sit down and decide to be a wife, a mother or a full time employee. They all just happened (pretty much at the same time). One thing led to another (marriage soon led to divorce), and it felt like all options were out of my hands. I had to work to support my son. So I did.

I ended up in a job that my mom and dad told me I'd be good at. Working in a bank. No planning, no thinking. What started as a work experience course through school, ended up being my career. For 20 years.

Sure, I took the odd course to keep my brain challenged and my job skills honed. I had a family to support. That was a no brainer. I needed to keep myself at the top of the employable list. I did what was necessary. I picked the obvious courses. And I finished what I started.

Same ... same ... same ...

Then, I found myself unmarried and pregnant at the age of 37. If it hadn't been so embarrassing, it would have been laughable. I started out my adulthood at age 17, unmarried and pregnant. It seems that 'same ... same ... same' was a pattern that I was repeating in a 10 to 20 year cycle (I had one more child in the middle of those 20 years and continued the marriage/divorce/ reconciliation cycles more times than I care to admit). Simply put ... I'm a '3 strikes, you're out!' kinda girl. I gave each of my 'forever relationships' 3 chances before I gave up on them.

It was during this final pregnancy that I started thinking outside of my box. I was blessed with one final opportunity to be a mother. That stopped me in my tracks.

I started making choices that weren't expected. Not only did I love every moment of my maternity leave ... but I decided to find a way to work from home so that I could be a full time mother. At age 37, I finally figured out what I had wanted to be all along. A mom.

And I was. I have loved every moment of these past 11 years. I wouldn't change a thing. I made myself a promise that I would do whatever it took to support myself in my decision to be a hands on mom. And I did.

Over the course of the past 11 years, I have babysat, delivered papers &/or flyers, worked Saturdays at the Credit Union, took up book keeping and I'm now considering taking in a boarder.

I took up writing ... with a passion. I write several blogs, family history stories and I'm an emailaholic. No one that I have an email address for, is safe. My fingers are out of control.

I have reached out and gotten to know my extended family. My friendships are strong and a huge part of my inner strength and circle of support. It seems that even though my relationships with the male species don't tend to work out over the long haul, I am forming strong and long lasting relationships with the people who touch my world.

And I dance. Never forget that! The dance studio is the one place in my world where I can go, and forget about everything else that is going on around me. Not that there is anything I really want to forget long term. I just want to forget about my schedules, obligations and dependents for a while. And I do.

A few months ago, I heard myself utter the phrase, "I'd go to school in a minute if I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up." And now that I do know, I'm starting school. In 2 weeks. Another life changing decision. Another new chapter.

I've had a lot of pivotal moments that have had me walking new paths the past few years. So the most recent chapters of my life are the shortest. But they are the most dramatic.

So what chapter am I on? I have no idea. But all I know is that I've got a long way to go until the end of my book. And I'm going to make these last chapters count!