A Happy Heart

I love waking up like this. I'm excited about the day ahead of me, I'm fueled with a good nights sleep and the afterglow of my dance lesson last night. I wish I knew the recipe to feeling like this. The 'Thought Patterns ..." class that I am taking tells me that we are in control of creating these moments.

Forethought. Planning, visualizing and creating the day/life ahead of you. Work out a few Plan B, C and D's if 'Plan A' doesn't go according to plan.

I do that. I map out the days and have the ability to bounce back and redirect the day if things don't unfold as I expect.

But this happiness in my heart. This is what I love. This is the recipe that I want to patent. But what is it??

Is it putting that exam behind me this week? Facing up to and writing that exam took a huge weight off of my shoulders. That definitely helped.

Was it 'getting in the school spirit' and dressing up yesterday that added to my sense of fun? As I thought about that this morning, there was a day that I would have been embarrassed and completely consumed by the fact that there were only a few of us in the entire building that dressed up. But yesterday? I refused to pay attention to the fact (though I was quite relieved that I spend the vast majority of my day sitting at a computer desk where no one really noticed me).

Is it because my school week is behind me and I have today to myself, to tend to other matters? A day that starts out by dropping in at my old job and saying 'good-bye' to those that I worked with in another life. A day that I plan to work feverishly at my book-keeping so that I can free up my time this weekend. A day that has a million possibilities.

Or is it because my running around in the evenings is done for this week? The guilt that I carried with me as I ran here, there and everywhere took the enjoyment out of what should have been fun. My Youngest realizes that I feel badly about all of this gallivanting and every now and again he'll play his 'guilt card'. But no matter what he says or does, it is my internal guilt-meter that guides me. This week was too much. I'm glad it is behind me.

What were some of my first conscious thoughts that put the smile on my face? My dance lesson last night. I went into my lesson firmly believing that I was capable of performing my routines the way they were intended to be performed. My self-talk was all positive ("I can do this" "I know this" "I am capable"). I visualized it, I ran through my routines in my mind, I turned on my dance-music and tried getting my head in the 'zone' before I got there. It was going to be a lesson where everything went right.

The reality was quite the opposite. I even vocalized my positive-thought-process aloud and snapped myself on the wrist with the elastic band (from my "Thought Patterns ..." class - every time you have a negative thought, you pull the elastic and let it snap you out of that thought pattern). I did everything I could to turn things around.

Nothing worked. Is it because I was having too much fun just the way it was? We laugh. I simply cannot get enough laughter in my life. I live to laugh. And laugh we did. I would intend to be serious and focus on what I knew I could do. Then I would catch the expression of my instructors face, out of the corner of my eye. He was barely containing the laughter at times. And really ... why should he?

Laughter unleashed is one of the worlds best medicines.

I am convinced that my dance lessons provide me with what I need to face the world. I walk into the dance studio and I'm transformed. I walk out of the studio and I carry a piece of the dance-world with me for days on end.

I exclaimed "This is the highlight of my life ... and worth every penny!" when we were having a conversation about the high-cost-of-dancing before my lesson last night. And I meant every word of it.

My life is full of good things. Dancing is most definitely a highlight. But if the rest of my world was out of sync, even dancing couldn't provide all the answers.

Do I have the recipe for a happy heart? Not precisely. But a good balance of challenge, spirit, possibilities, letting go of the guilt and dancing worked miracles for me this week.

What resonates within me this morning, is the laughter from last night, the endless possibilities that lie in wait today and a weekend on the horizon where it's 'all about My Youngest'. Halloween is just an excuse, but he needs a little kid-fun in his life. And that ... is exactly what is on our agenda.

My heart is full this morning. I am content and happy. I wish I was a cat so that I could purr. The vibrations of a cat's purr is one of my favorite sensations. I hope that I can touch someone with the good vibes that are emanating from my soul this morning.

Happy Friday!!