Too Many Words ... So Little Time

I woke up with about 6 chapters of words in me this morning.

Thoughts about yesterday ... thoughts about my 'Thought Patterns' class ... thoughts about the people I talked throughout the day ... thoughts about today ... thoughts about dancing ... thoughts of my family.

Joy! Pure joy is coursing through my veins right now. I've only had one cup of coffee so I can't even say this is caffeine induced. I lived this feeling all day yesterday. I fell asleep with it. I woke up to it. Pure elation over the life I am living.

Do I dare write about it and spoil the illusion? It is the simplest of things that I am revelling in ...

I had barely taken a step out of my room yesterday morning when My Youngest met me in the hallway and said (ever-so-nicely) "You do realize that I only have holey pants to wear today?" No accusation, no anger or spite. He spoke to me in a tone that one could not take offence to. Such a small thing. But huge! He's 11 years old. Many kids are developing an attitude by now. Not my boy ... I don't know if it will last, but I'm enjoying every moment of this while I have it.

Then I got thinking about this more as the day went on. I went downstairs to vacuum 'My Youngest Child's domain'. The room was left in meticulous condition. All Lego, dart gun and toy clutter was put away in its spot. What child does this without adult intervention? That room used to be a disaster zone. A very long time ago, he had asked for shelves so that he could display his many Lego creations. Eventually I cleared out a few wall units and let him use them for his Lego. Since that time (6 months ago??), he has taken care of that room. He asked for one simple thing. Shelves. Some people are just so easy to please.

Last night as I was saying good night to him (we are at the stage where I tucker out earlier than him, so he was still watching TV when I was calling it a day), he asked if I could put something in the fridge for him on my way upstairs. I smiled and said "And you can't do this yourself?" His reply "But you're walking right by the fridge." I responded "And you won't be?" (it was a partially drank bottle of pop - not milk that was going to go sour). I took his pop upstairs with me and smiled. In my stressed out years, I could have easily turned that dialogue into an argument. Now? I smile and I'm grateful that I have a child who is conscious of putting things back where they belong.

I was dealing with more laundry this morning and once again, my thoughts drifted to My Youngest and the respect and kindness that we have between us. I marvel at this gift. I wondered "How did I get so lucky?" Then I saw it.

His brothers are grown and they treat me with a kindness and respect that takes my breath away. My adult children make me proud (is that okay to say out loud??). I respect the men they have become and they respect me. It's not a mushy gushy kind of love. It is in gestures, the tone of voice, the fact that they do come by and are very much a part of my life. My Youngest may not sit with us and revel in the company of his older brothers when they are here. But he respects and admires them. They have set the bar. And My Youngest, at such a young age, seems to be taking it all in. He treats me the way his older brothers treat me.

I look at the people that I surround myself with. I have family and friends that show me the same respect. I cannot think of one person in my life that doesn't treat me with kindness. My Youngest sees, feels and lives with this incredible aura that envelopes our lives. He seems to be swept up in the magical wonder of it all.

The key? There are many.

I never used to treat myself with kindness. I used to beat myself up and put myself down. Amazingly, I found people that would treat me the same way. When you don't feel worthy, it is not a good basis on which to base a relationship. It was blatant and obvious at times, very subtle and almost self induced at others. But I lived a life where I didn't respect myself and the relationships I formed were based on that. Not healthy.

My older children watched and unknowingly (I believe) treated me in the same way. A lot of their teen years were rough to endure. But was it worse because of the way I felt about myself and my relationships that they saw and emulated, were based on that feeling?

Disrespect is something that can be volleyed back and forth between the players. It's hard to respect someone who doesn't respect you. Where it starts and ends becomes illusive. I was not my best self when I raised my older children. I was becoming better, as the years went by ... but I wasn't there yet.

But now ... I like the person that I have grown into. I believe that I also treat My Youngest with respect. It is a two way street. This is something that I wish that I could have given my older children as they were entering their teen years. This foundation.

I don't know where the years will take us. But I know that no matter where things go, we will come back to this. I know this without a doubt.

These words are only the tip of the iceberg. But I like this story the best out of all the tales I have to tell this morning. It's my 'feel good' story of the day.