Learning As I Go

This time last year, I was valiantly trying to introduce one good habit into my life each week.

It was small stuff - drink lots of water; stop buying chips; stop drinking pop; start exercising 20 minutes a day (then 40); start eating (mostly) whole wheat; and then the big one: stop eating after 7 pm.

That is where it stopped. The habit of eating after supper was the deal breaker for me. I was five weeks into my 'one good habit a week' program when I hit the wall. I stepped on the scale after five weeks of developing better habits ... and I had actually gained weight. More weight (after a very bad spree of gaining a pound per month).

So ... I went on a chocolate and chip binge like no other. I returned to my previous life where I ate what I wanted, when I wanted.

Then, in the spring I tried again.

I went on my food budget. I carefully tracked my food/calorie intake and worked hard to offset the calorie reduction with exercise. I thought that I had it licked. It was simple math. It was a budget! I've been budgeting for the entirety of my adult life. I could do that.

As it turned out ... I couldn't. I went into an exercise hyper drive mode just before a family gathering. I was still watching what I ate and exercising as much as I could find the time for. Add in a lack of sleep, an obsessive desire to be organized for company/a surprise party/a night away from home and my overly excitable tendencies ... and I could barely keep myself together the next day. I almost had a meltdown of major proportions in front of a group of family members.

I stopped the 'food budget'.

My latest binge of under eating, lack of sleep and high excitement levels was in November. The week prior to our dance showcase, I could feel it coming. The excitement, forgetting to eat and the inability to sleep. All was good and fine ... until it was over.

The above mentioned combination of lack of food and rest, added to my overly excitable state made for a very, very bad 'morning after'. An emotional hangover. It wasn't pretty.

Now ... here I am again. On the brink of yet another incredibly exciting event in my life - an upcoming holiday and dance competition. How am I going to learn from the past?

First of all, I started one new habit ... at least a month and a half ago. I stopped eating after supper. Period. Nothing more, nothing less. No snacking in the evenings. I quit cold turkey and it hasn't been that bad.

It is rather disheartening because the weight (obviously) isn't falling off of me just because I stopped noshing after my last meal of the day. But what is happening is better. I have lost a pound. Maybe two. And this is exactly how I gained my weight. A pound a month. It isn't rocket science ... but I believe this is the answer for me.

Secondly, I am doing my best to tend to all that must be tended in a relaxed fashion. I am not going to be running around like a crazy-person the week before this competition trying to do a million last minute things. Slow and steady. I don't want the crescendo ... because I don't need the crash that inevitably follows.

I love feeling excited about something. But I must temper it. A little.

What I am feeling at this moment is incredible. A little bit of happiness is right under my skin at all times. I can get lost for a moment in dealing with the daily rituals of life and then I'll think ... Montreal! One month from today! What will we be doing? The happy factor is alive and kicking. I love it.

While I'm at the competition, I will be sharing a room with someone who (from what I've seen) seems to be the essence of calmness. As long as I don't drive this person crazy with my energy, I think the calming factor will be exactly what I need.

We will be gone for six full days. Six days should give me the time to relax and savor the experience. I shouldn't feel the tendency to leap into that hyper drive state where I feel I must see, feel and experience it all ... because the moment is fleeting. Our dance showcases are like a wedding day. A lot of preparation and hype ... and it is over in one day. Six days will be wonderful. Time to experience everything to the fullest.

I've looked back on the year past and not made any resolutions. My goal is to learn from the past year and make the year ahead better.

No earth shattering revelations - I'm just learning as I go.