Purge, Release, Then ACT

I was hesitant to post my inner struggles yesterday morning. I started a similar post Friday morning only it was dark. Oh-so-dark. I could not allow myself hover in that space and write it down.

So I walked away from the computer and spent the day in 'that place'. This is not a good place to be when you are taking care of little ones. The little joys became great ... but the little struggles became insurmountable. Friday was a very long day. It was a very, very long week.

Then ... Friday night I went out to see a movie with a friend. It was a movie that was recommended by a blog writer that I enjoy. She too, has been struggling with winter blues and mentioned that the movie "Pitch Perfect" helped to bring her to a happy place. The movie was light, easy and full of music and talent. I enjoyed it immensely.

Going to a movie with my friend pushed me out of the house (the place where I most wanted to be). It was hard. But it was easy. Good conversation after the show lifted me up and out of where I had been.

Saturday felt like a lost day. I had errands to run. Oh-so-many-errands. Then I had to deliver papers. Oh-so-many-papers. Then I decided since the day was lost to me anyway, I may as well run two more errands and write off the day. I sat down with my supper at 6:00. But oddly ... the 'lost day' was not a loss. Much was gained by stroking seven errands off of my to-do-list.

I sat down at the end of that long day and another friend called. I lost track of how many hours we talked. At least two. We talked around the fringes of the inner blues we have both been experienceing and the overwhelmed feelings of not accomplishing what we think that we need to get done. She gave me the inspiration to simply take it one-hour-at-a-time.

Sunday ... I was ready to purge and release. I wrote. And wrote. I woke up at 7:30 and walked away from the computer at 10:00. The words were easier to swallow the second time around. Possibly still pretty potent for anyone that hadn't been inside of my head recently. I simply had to let it out ... because this 'faking it until I make it' thing simply isn't working for me. Purging is only okay (for me), if I immediately release it and let it go.

Then I acted. "Six Impossible Things Before Lunch  Supper" was my mantra of the day. They were small things. Yet so big.

Getting up. That has been harder than I care to admit lately. I could quite honestly hibernate in my room most weekends. Getting up is hard. Getting up relatively early both Saturday and Sunday was a big WIN for me.

Getting dressed. I save getting dressed until I am in a place where I am ready to act and take part in the day. Getting dressed on the weekends has been a struggle. This weekend? Much more successful than last weekend. In fact, I would have been dressed before noon both days if I hadn't spent three hours on the phone yesterday morning, with a friend that I haven't talked to in far too long...

Meal preparation. I abhor cooking. What I detest most of all is meal planning. Knowing what I am going to cook is key. That is the first step. The second step is to take one step. Fry up the hamburger, then freeze it. Cut off all of the veiny, bloody stuff (ewww ... my stomach did a flip as I wrote that) off of the chicken breasts so they are ready to toss into the oven. Yesterday? I took it several steps further. I fried up said chicken and made gravy for a Chicken-In-Gravy meal. I peeled potatoes. I peeled carrots. I found some Stove Top Stuffing to go with our meal. I added a salad (in a bag) to the mix and I felt like I prepared a pseudo-Christmas meal, one month after Christmas. Win! Win! Win!!

Clear off the kitchen table. It was now getting late in the afternoon. Thankfully there was only one task to take care of. It took a grand total of about ... three minutes to accomplish. Done! The only other thing sitting on the table, that was vying for my attention was a book full of "399 games, puzzles & trivia challenges specially designed to keep your brain young". I saved that one for later ...

Send off one email. That one skipped to the front of the line. Sometimes you know exactly who you need to write to. The person that 'gets' you and always comes back with the response that you most need to hear. The response varies from time to time ... and the content is less important than the knowledge that that person simply gets it. I have many, many people in my world that get me. I intuitively reach out to the one I most need to hear. That email was an excellent investment of my last 25 minutes at the computer yesterday morning...

Write for one hour. It was 2:00 and I had just gotten off the phone with my friend. I was not yet dressed (FAIL!). But I took immediate action on that step and was back to my list. I had opened up my 'book files' and was ready to act. But I still had to tend to the kitchen table. Five minutes later I was free and clear to tend to the sixth of six items on my list. One hour. Oh ... but it was getting so late in the afternoon. The couch was beckoning to me. Sigh. One hour. I could do an hour. I could. One hour. Then I would let myself off the hook. I wrote for two hours. Maybe two & a half. I didn't move mountains, but I moved a few spoonfuls of dirt. One. Hour. At. A. Time.

I sat down with my supper (my family filled their plates and dispersed themselves around the house). I was alone with my own company at the end of a rather full and fulfilling weekend. And I actually enjoyed being with myself.

Instead of turning on the TV, I opened my book on decided to focus on keeping my brain young...

An active brain is a happy brain. I didn't succumb to sleep, TV and the couch this weekend. I may not have moved mountains either. But at least I did move off of the couch.

I'm ready to do this all over again.

Here is a little piece of 'happy' from the movie "Pitch Perfect":