Anxious

There is an undercurrent of anxiety coursing through my thoughts. I want to run for cover, let someone wrap their big, burly arms around me and just hunker down and weather the storm. But I can't. And I won't.

Work and money are weighing heavy on my mind. There is a steady and calm mantra going on within my head. "It will all work out in the end. It always does. Things will be better than they were before this turn of events. They always are...."

These calming words that are coming from a deep sense of knowing ... help. A lot. I am doing fine. Really. But I am just a little impatient as I wait for my story to unfold.

Perhaps that is why little things feel so huge.The big stuff going on within my head has made the little stuff feel bigger than it needs to be. Deworming cats. Car repairs. Extra curricular spending that I placed upon myself. My Sunday employment ...

I ended my daycare week on a bad note. I was not happy with 'our Friday', nor the way it ended. I am unsettled over not knowing why one family has given me notice. I had an 'off' day at work yesterday. Very off ...

I kept to myself this weekend. This could have been far more beneficial if I would have made myself accomplish a few more tasks around the house. I did more than I wanted to do, so I counted that as a small 'win' for me. Now that the weekend is behind me, I can see that I was capable of much more. Productivity is a big moral booster. I know this. I must act on it! I will.

I have been foolish with my money this past long while. I have been spending my money before I make it. I stuck my neck out and went ahead with plans to build a new fence based on future income. Then my present income took a blow that I wasn't expecting. This was a very good lesson for me. Never count on tomorrow, to pay for what you buy today!

An unexpected change-of-events within my daycare has challenged my fortitude for this line of work. Families coming and going is the 'norm' in a daycare. The very fact that I have had eleven months of stability is nothing short of a miracle. Perhaps it has not been a positive thing. Because I haven't pushed myself as far as I am capable of going. I have become lackadaisical and that is never a good thing.

Monday has (in my experience) been a day when I receive more calls for people seeking out new daycare. I received a few encouraging emails yesterday. Just a glimmer of hope. "It will all work out in the end ... it always does".

I sequestered myself to a weekend of 'quiet', when a weekend of 'busy' would have been far more beneficial. Who knew that my busy-month-of-June was exactly what I needed??

Being the 'right kind of busy' is a good thing. It keeps life's little worries in perspective. Idle time and excess thoughts are not good bedfellows! But have no fear ... nothing, absolutely nothing is standing in the way of a good night's sleep for me. My mom was blessed to be able to sleep through a major thunderstorm last week. I am blessed to sleep right through the little *plough wind that is barrelling through my life at the moment.

It is time to get cracking and set this day in motion. It will be a better day than yesterday. I know it will!

* Plough wind is defined as a downburst in the online FreeDictionary ... it seems as a very good way to describe the way my life feels at the moment. Focus on limited area ... for a short time:

(Earth Sciences / Physical Geography) a very high-speed downward movement of turbulent air in a limited area for a short time. Near the ground it spreads out from its centre with high horizontal velocities Also called microburst

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003