Be Careful What You Wish For

Sometimes I think we are being tested. Give a person what they (think that they) want and see what happens.

A person's eyes are opened when you get what you ask for. At least mine have been. On many occasions.

Most recently, a family-of-two joined our daycare family.

I knew from the start, that they would be a challenge. I also recognized that I have to accept these challenges in order to grow and receive more-of-what (who)-I-hope-for.

The first two days just about brought me to my knees. Two days. Only two days. Perhaps I was the one who made it hardest on myself because I drew a line in the sand right from the start. I have certain rules (in order to keep everyone safe) and expectations (kindness and manners are a big deal to me) that I enforce right from the beginning.

Their third day was the charm. It was on the third day that I recognized what this family brought into our world. A sense of energy, fun and adventure. New thoughts and ideas. They turned the same old, same old into something fresh and new.

There was a hum of contentment in the air. The best 'toys' in the world for children who need constant stimulation is other children. My original three daycare children were more happy and content to be among a larger group.

It is amazing how quickly we can adapt to change.

Last week, my new family missed three days. By the fourth day, I was almost begging them to return. We missed what they brought into our world.

The last two days of the week were busy but very satisfying. All of us were happier with more children in our midst.

I saw the writing on the wall. The missed days. The dad's (three) new jobs that he did and did not revolve through, throughout the two weeks that they came here. The biggest clue was when the dad told me that he didn't want to work through the summer.

It wasn't a surprise when I received notice from them late yesterday afternoon. They will not be coming back.

We are back to where we started. With one major difference. I know what I am capable of. And I know without a doubt that "The more, the merrier" is our new daycare credo.

The biggest gift within this two week period is that another new family has found us. Another little girl that is one month younger than my 2-1/2 year old girl. A new friend has made the decision to join our daycare family.

I keep saying that 'four' would be my ideal number of children to tend. Even numbers work best. Everybody has a buddy. This is exactly what I had hoped for.

It will take a little while before my newest arrival starts to come full time. They are going to wean her into the idea gradually. But they sound firm in their conviction to come. And stay.

I have been berating my child-tending abilities lately. I have done this before and it never felt this hard. I knew that the kids having fun among themselves was key. I just didn't realize how much until I received the 'gift' of this family-of-two, who breathed new life into our world.

I am so very glad that I was up to and accepted this new challenge. It showed me that I am more capable than I was allowing myself to believe.

Most of all, I am grateful that I said "Yes!" to this family. Fear has become my biggest enemy. I have to overcome that. One small step at a time.

There's a Kind of a Hush

The house is silent this morning.

I just walked into the kitchen to pour my fourth cup of coffee. Senior Cat was having a drink of water out of the bowl beside the fridge. I opened and closed the fridge door to get the milk for my coffee. Every time the door moved, it brushed his fur. He wasn't phased. He just kept on drinking.

I walked out of the kitchen and returned to find Junior Cat sitting in line for his turn to have a drink out of the same bowl.

He waited. Oh, so patiently he waited.

He didn't push or nuzzle or even make his presence known. He knew there was more (water) where that came from.

I simply stood and inhaled the quiet. The peaceful, soulful existence of my two favorite cats in the world. Their contentment was infectious.

I poured my coffee and turned around to find the scene slightly altered. Junior gave up on waiting. Maybe he was going to go and have a drink downstairs. Maybe he wasn't thirsty in the first place. Maybe he just wanted to sit on the mat instead of the bare floor. Maybe he forgot what he was waiting for. Who knows with a cat?

Junior sat by the back door, faced inwards and looking at Senior. Senior was done drinking and he was faced towards Junior. They looked towards each other but not directly at each other.

"What are they thinking?" I wondered to myself. I stood still and simply watched them. I love their quiet co-existence. The yin, The yang. Youth verses maturity. Energy verses ... lack thereof.

There is a communication between them that is invisible to the human eye. But it is there. Junior is picking up where Senior left off. It is as if Senior has been handing over the torch to Junior in subtle, meaningful ways. Senior is very content with his lot in life. I think he enjoys being on the sidelines and watching Junior's zest for life.

Each knows their lot in life and no one is fighting for the lime light. There is no lack of food, water, kitty litter, spots in the sun or love in this house that they share. No one needs to be King.

It is a quiet partnership. No words, no handshakes, no legal contracts binding them to the life that they have together.

If someone wanted 'out' there is only one door preventing their escape.

Senior still bolts for freedom whenever he can. But he doesn't want to go anywhere once he escapes. He simply wants to breathe the outside air and revisit old memories (and scents and old friends perhaps). He comes right back. In fact I don't think he wants to leave us in the first place. He simply likes to know that he's still got it. The zip, the speed, the pizazz an strategy to elude capture.

Junior continues to be terrified of life outside of our doors. We have no idea of the life that he led before he adopted us as his protectors. I see fear in those eyes of his but I feel gratitude and trust within him growing by the day.

Our home was full, happy and content with Senior Cat alone. Who knew what Junior would bring into our lives? Who knew that there was enough love and attention to go around?

I should have. Because that is exactly how I felt each time I became a mother.

People are so much more complicated than cats. But the basic premise of love, trust, gratitude ... the yin, the yang ... dependence, interdependence and independence throughout the growing years.

It all comes to 'this'. The acceptance, appreciation and enjoyment that I see and feel between our two cats. Love grows in proportion to those you let into your heart.

Open your door and let the sun shine in. Who knows? Maybe a stray cat will find its way in ...

Thank Goodness for Long Weekends

It is another Working Weekend. This could be a post you may choose to ignore. You have been warned!

Yesterday morning, I awoke to a computer desk filled with half-started projects. Little piddly things that I couldn't wrap up during my Daycare Days. Small accumulations of 'stuff' that I didn't have time for in my (lack of) free evenings. Items that only needed a few minutes of uninterrupted time here and a clear mind for a half an hour there. 

All that I needed was time. Just ... time.

So I raced around and cleared off the desk. I closed out the (many) open Windows on the computer. There was a state of completedness within the house that I had to leave behind. Then ... I worked.

Work is good. I like what I do. I could not work for a better person. I get paid to do this. I should not complain. All I need is an eight day week. I would be willing to work seven of those days if I could simply have one day off at the end. 

That ... is what I shall receive this weekend.

Thank goodness for long weekends! I should not be complaining. I have not worked for two consecutive weekends. I just didn't 'bank' that state of weekendness effectively. 

I came home to a relatively clear slate last night. All that I 'had' to do was accept a supper invitation from my sister. And I couldn't do it. I simply didn't want to do it. I had no social skills left inside me at the end of the day.

My Daycare Week was a busy one. I went out on a Thursday night which meant that groceries and washing-my-hair consumed one of the nights that preceded it. I got my hair cut & colored Friday night. Which meant that Friday night was a write off. Two hours sitting in a chair, while the house was left in its post-daycare-week state of unkemptness. Then I had to work yesterday. And today. 

So I bailed on my sister. My kind hearted and willing-to-cook-me-supper sister. I feel like a schmuck.  

I awoke this morning, knowing that I had little to do and more time in which to do it. And it hurt. It literally hurt. To write. To write!!

When my brain-to-fingertip connection is broken, I know that something needs to be tended. I am quite sure that all that I need to do to fix this ... is tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I don't have to do anything. Except laundry. 

Funny how doing laundry is the easiest thing to do these days. I don't have to physically do it. I just have to move it. From the hamper to the washer. From the washer to the dryer. From the dryer back into various drawers and closets. I don't have to think. I don't have to be creative. I don't even have to move it until I am good and ready.

Maybe I'll do my laundry tonight so that tomorrow I really have nothing to do. Except write a letter to my mom. The envelope has been addressed. I have printed off a few blog posts and they are already enclosed. I already have a few pictures inserted into a Word document and it is saved on my desktop. The hard part is done. I just have to write. 

That is all that I want to do tomorrow. Just write. Or not. All that I really want is time.

Thank goodness for long weekends. 

Making a Difference

I finished my last cup of coffee well before 10:00 a.m. yesterday morning. I refrained from all carbonated, caffeinated beverages all day.

Nope, it wasn't the caffeine that kept my heart racing and adrenaline coursing through my veins way into the wee hours last night. What was it then? It must have been the pure and unadulterated energy that was put forth into a room that held a sold out audience of fifty. I went to see Jeffery Straker last night.

I 'met' Jeffery Straker at a house concert in February, 2013. I have been an ardent fan ever since.

I fell in love with him again, over his 'Coming Home for Christmas' single this past December. His music, his energy, his humor and his small town Saskatchewan perspective keep me 'Coming Home to Jeffery' when I am down and out and need a little pick me up.

I told him as much last night as he signed my 'Jeffery Straker Live' CD. I do believe that perhaps Mr. Straker single handedly saved me from myself this past Christmas. I simply could not pull myself out of my pre-festive-season doldrums. Then I found his music video and I played it over and over and over again.

From my second row seat, I had a bird's eye view of Jeffery's piano keyboard last night. Oooooo, the way he could tickle those ivories and make them sing! I had heart palpitations. Over and over again. The way he can barely keep his energy contained as he belted out his songs? I felt his passion envelope the room and captivate every one of us. His humorous anecdotes as he would tell the story of the inspiration for the song that he was about to sing?? I laughed as hard and as long as I have laughed with my other favorite Saskatchewan export (my own family's rising star, comedian Kelly Taylor). I love, love, love his 'home grown' humor and oh-so-relatable stories ...

Then, quietly on the sidelines, strumming his guitar with a sense of depth and tranquillity was 'Brody'. Brody reminded me of the soulful town troubadour on Gilmore Girls. You simply had to take your eyes off of Jeffery for the moments when you wondered "Where did that sound come from?" ... and "How did he make his guitar do that?!?" Sometimes his eyes were far off and distant, other times they were closed and you could feel the deep place that he was drawing from . Then from time to time, he would smile. Just smile.

What completely blows me away is the talent. The pure, unadulterated talent and creativity and courage that it takes to string words together in a manner that they barely need music to accompany them. But then the music is added. The piano becomes 'as one' with Mr. Straker and you can barely tell where he ends and his piano begins.

Jeffery Straker competed in and won international category of Vina del Mar competition in Chili, this past February. I quietly stalked him on Facebook as links to video footage of the event were posted. Small town Saskatchewan has never looked so good! He performed in front of a live audience of 20,000 and due to the magic of live television our Saskatchewan talent had 100 million eyes on him. And he did it! He cast his spell far and wide.

And ... I got to be one of the lucky ones who saw him up close and personal within a personable crowd of 'fifty' last night. I got to speak to him. He autographed my CD. He made it personal. Not with 'just' me. I saw and heard the way he worked his magic during the break. He was 'one of us'. He was simply pouring his heart and soul out into his music that (thankfully) he has decided to share with the world.

To think ... that each of us has 'something'. Something special within us. We can't all be out there singing and dancing our hearts out. Our talents are as unique as our finger print. Some people are out there in the public eye in front of the eyes of millions. Others may be doing small things. Each and every day...

The story that preceded the story of seeing Jeff's (may I please call you Jeff now that we 'know' each other so well??) performance last night, was the heart wrenching story of my friend's dad. He has been hospitalized for close to two months now and will soon be moved to long term care. He is at the mercy of the nursing staff that is paid to take care of him. The stories my friend has to tell about some of the actions and comments of some of the nursing staff breaks my heart. My friend's heart is as big as she is. She works with children each and every day. She cares. She nurtures. She makes a big-time-difference to these small people in our world. She values them. She listens to them. She treats them with respect. She is the Jeffery Straker of the Daycare World. And ... all she hopes for, is to find the same heart and soul within the nursing staff that take care of her father.

Making a difference in the world is not about getting up on a stage in front of millions. It is about making a difference within one person. What you do or say can make or break another living soul. We are all doing sacred work here on this earth.

Yes, Jeffery Staker, you have touched a chord deep inside of me. I love that I have had the opportunity to feel  your talent envelope my soul and touch me in ways that only you could do. If only everyone was following their passion, the way that you have modelled, we wouldn't have these stories about the lack of caring for our elderly ...

Follow your heart. Do what moves you. In doing so, you will touch more people than you ever know. You too, can make a difference. Yes, YOU! You do it every day, whether you know it or not. Good, bad or indifferent. We are all making a difference.

Today ... I choose to make a more positive impact in my world.

Thank you, Mr. Jeffery Straker. You have shown me what a difference one person can make. Thank you, my friend. You too, have shown me that I need to be 'more' of who I am to do what I do, the best way possible.

Now go out there and make a difference today!!

Frittering Away the Time

Here I go again. Frittering the little bit of time that I have before my Daycare Crowd descends upon my day.

I love the songs that I am waking up to these mornings. I have woken to the song "Happy" more times than I can remember, followed closely by "The Best Day of My Life". This morning, I awoke to a jaunty tune. I immediately visualized encouraging my Daycare Family to dance along with me to this fun song. The name of the song? "Wake Me Up". What a fun and bright morning line-up.

The next order of business was to roll out of bed and make it up. Junior Cat has found a new, fun game that he enjoys playing each morning. It is called "Stalk and Chase (the bed covers as the bed is made)". He literally stands on the top of my quilt and I make the bed under his feet. Lots of fun. Except today he forgot the first rule of that game. He must be standing on the quilt. Not the sheets. Most especially not on the side of the bed that I am trying to use as my exit. He stood there like a door and chose not to move as I made my way toward him. I literally had to push him off the bed to get out. Actually, I'm surprised that I didn't just get up out of the other side of the bed. I guess my Cat Etiquette is off a notch today.

All went pretty much according to plan until I decided to print off my credit card statement before I headed into the writing portion of the morning. Junior Cat will wake up out of a sound sleep, from the opposite corner of the house if he hears the printer start printing. Our new printer has a nifty new feature. It automatically prints in 'duplex' which means it spews the paper out and then it sucks it back in, to print on the opposite side of the page. Junior Cat stalks this paper like it is his prey. This morning, in his successful (??) attempt at hunting the paper, he jammed the printer. I had to turn off and unplug the printer, turn it on its side and figure out how to remove the bottom so that I could retrieve the jammed paper. "I didn't have time for this, this morning!!" I said angrily to Junior Cat. He didn't care.

By this time, I had less than a half hour at my disposal.

Yesterday our Daycare Day was off. Really off. One child was off his game and into trouble each and every time I turned my back. Another child needed a little personal space and did not get it because a third child was glued to her side and quietly and subtly and consistently driving her a little bit batty in the process. The fourth child looked, acted, smiled and was quite angelic in her demeanor. Then she would turn to the first child I mentioned (who is really not himself this week) and simply push him over. Each and every one of them fed off this negative energy and it festered and grew. This went on all day.

It was a very long day.

Today, my new family is back (for the first time all week) and I am so excited because we really, really need the diversion and fresh energy they bring into our home. It is going to be a busy day. But busy is better than what we endured yesterday.

I should be working on a little bit of bookkeeping before my children arrive. I should be polishing up and sending off some more columns. I should have my slate clean and empty so that I can focus on my day-at-hand. But here I sit. Writing. Drinking coffee. Savoring the peace and quiet. Enjoying the moment. Frittering away my time.

Tonight, I have plans to meet up with some friends, go out for supper and see my favorite musician/entertainer (Jeffery Straker) perform. I cannot wait to be sitting in the middle of this much anticipated experience.

But first ... I have a day to fritter away. I'm sure that I will do it with finesse. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. If I remember. Onward!

The Sun Will Shine Again

I am not certain what the magic formula is (for this feeling of contentment I am feeling these days), but I am liking it!

I think that the blue sky and sunshine are making the difference. Soaking up good old natural Vitamin D in the way it was intended to be absorbed is the greatest mood builder of anything that I know.

I remember days when my lows felt lower and my highs felt higher. I could park myself on the front doorstep of my home and simply breathe. I would gaze up into the infinite sky above me and I felt very, very small. It put my troubles into perspective.

I could be gazing at a blue sky, stars or the moon. I was always gazing upward.

One time I was 'running away' from my troubles within my marriage. My only means of transportation was a bike.

I hopped onto that bicycle and headed north. I had no idea where I was going until I got there.

My compass was set on a park by the river that had brought nothing but joy and happiness into my life.

There was a hill that I tobogganed down as a child. A park where I got to know my (then) future husband. Walking paths where I walked with a friend. Playgrounds where our children played. The memory of Dad driving 'this close' to the river when I was a child and feeling like we were in grave danger (but knowing without a doubt that we were safe).

I cycled to my destination and found a spot among the trees on that toboggan hill. I laid down on the grass and gazed up into the starlit night.

My troubles felt smaller. The universe told me that it this moment would pass. It didn't tell me the answer but it did alleviate the stabbing pain in my heart.

Mantras from Alanon meetings flooded my thinking and I knew they were right. Hand this one over to a higher power. Let go and let God.

I looked upward and let my troubles drift off into the sky above me. I let them go.

Eventually, I hopped back on my bike and headed home. There was no where else to go. I was very pregnant with my second son at the time and I had left my (not quite) nine year old son at home with my husband. Reality awaited me.

Our house was not a home in those days. I remember sitting on the front doorstep of that house and wanting to find my way back to the home that I once knew.

I may as well have been wishing on a star because that one small wish came true.

Our marriage unravelled before, during and after the birth of our second son. Dad died days after I walked out of that house with my two children, with no where to go.

I walked through those days and it is all pretty fuzzy. But I remember one thing...

My sisters came home to see our dad and instead they stumbled across the-mess-that-was-the-end-of-my-marriage. My husband refused to leave our house and I didn't know (for sure) which way to turn. And my sisters said one thing. They said, "You should move back home..."

And I did.

I packed up my children and came back to my roots. That was twenty six and a half years ago.

I made a wordless wish upon a star and it all came true.

I still gaze upward when I feel lost. I always find solace in the universe that I can't see beyond. Because I know the answers lie there. Somewhere. They are simply easier to see when the sky is blue and the sun is shining.

Thank you, Sun. You have broken through the clouds and life feels good once again. It always comes back to this. The cloudy days don't last forever. Just keep looking up. The sun will shine again. It always does.

Small Adventures

My favorite entertainer, my Mr. Feel Good (Jeffery Straker) is coming to our Fair City on Thursday night. So ... I asked a friend if she was interested in going to see him. I received a resounding "Yes!" as an answer and I was off.

I invited two handfuls of friends to join us. One group from the dance studio (oh, how we enjoyed those 'Girls Night Out' while they lasted!) and another group from my former place of employment.

By the day's end, I had heard from six out of eight and three out of the six are joining the fun (with one 'maybe' tossed in for good measure). Pretty good stats if I do say so myself.

I have stumbled across a strategy that works well for me. "Cast a big net ... then focus on what you reel in". I do it a lot.

I sent out mass emails to extended family and ended up with a few reunions in the works. I sent out hundreds of resumes to papers and I have ended up with my column in two more papers. I have tossed out ideas to immediate family and friends and often we are able to turn little ideas into great adventures.

Yesterday was no different. I knew that I wanted to attend this concert and I was (almost) certain that I wouldn't have a hard time finding someone who would like to join me. If no one would have committed I would have probably went and bought two tickets anyway and I am certain that I could have found someone to take advantage of my offer.

The gift of these mass mailing invitations that I send out into the world, is the replies.

I hear back from many and even if the answer is no, we connect on a level that makes future contact easy and imminent.

This is the benefit of group emails. I can address one email to three people or eight or one hundred. I extend myself one time and reach my intended audience. One reply is all that it takes for me to feel that I have succeeded in my mission.

Back in the old days, one would have had to pick up the phone and dial it three times or six or one hundred. One positive response does not carry the same weight when you have two or seven or ninety nine rejections.

So I have become just a small bit addicted to the notion of casting a wide net. You may not catch all of the fish in the sea that way ... but the odds of catching one is much more likely, than by casting once-at-a-time from the shore.

To a girl who is allergic to rejection and is often scared silly to extend these types of invitations, it is one way that I have found to enhance my life and how I live it.

What can you do in your world to increase your chances of success? Whatever you do, focus on what you achieve and give that all of your energy.

Find what you love to do and do it. Look where you want to go and go for it. Book  your tickets and invite others along for the ride. You may be amazed at the results. If for no other reason than you are finally following your own destiny.

If you live the life of your dreams ... the rest will come.