Relief

The weight of the world on my shoulders is starting to lessen. One part of the equation is one third of my three committed weekends is behind me - the most challenging weekend (hosting guests feels hard) is checked off the list. The other part of this equation is I have allowed myself the luxury of taking Ibuprofen to provide a little physical relief.

My neck has been a thorn in my side (literally a pain-in-the-neck) for the better part of the time since I moved to my new home. I blame my couch.

A comfy couch and comfortable kitchen chairs were at the top of my wish list when I made this move. There is a small little nook for the couch and only a select few models would fit in the space. I felt like I'd won the lottery when I found a couch that checked all the boxes. It not only fit into the space, it turns into a bed and it has the chaise lounge feature which has storage to hold the bedding. Perfect!

I couldn't wait to settle in, make a cozy little spot to support my neck/head and have a Netflix weekend marathon.

Exhaustion washed over me and falling asleep in front of the TV became my new norm. I cannot actually even recall the first few months of living here. Other than I worked, ate supper and went to bed. I must have actually sat on the couch. Yes, I now remember. I did sit on it to discover it was hard and uncomfortable. I then sat on each cushion, bounced myself up and down and worked my way down the couch. No better. Next I literally stood and jumped on the couch. Slight (very) improvement.

My next vivid memory is nestling in to watch TV and the moment my body started to relax, shooting pains emanated from my neck straight into my skull. I adjusted, readjusted, added pillows, more pillows, different pillows and nothing worked except for lying on my side with a brand new, plump down filled bed pillow which held my head and shoulders at exactly the right angle so I could watch TV. Of course the moment I was lying down, comfortable and watching TV, I fell asleep.

I have gone through all the pain killers I had in the house - all of which are well over seven years old. I know this, because I had some of Mom's Tylenol and she died seven years ago. All of my own pain relief pills were older than that. At this point, I knew I had to seek other alternatives.

I have been to a doctor and prescribed some muscle relaxants. No noticeable relief. 

I went to a Physical Therapist and came home with a stretching regimen. I was determined to do my part so I started the twice-a-day routine that night. I injured my neck even more, in the process. I quit immediately but restarted very, very carefully after my neck felt as bad as it did before I began. My neck felt worse than ever. So I quit again.

I went to a massage therapist. I was relieved of the neck pain during the night, only to have it replaced with a constant nagging discomfort all day instead. I told this to her and the next time she made some adjustments that brought back the night discomfort with a side order of day discomfort. Third time back, I told her this and she readjusted things so I was only slightly better than I was before I began.

I bought a special Ecoden pillow which was advertised to be EXACTLY what I needed. I tried it the first night and the stabbing pains I feel when I relax on my couch was my neck's immediate reaction. I tossed it onto the floor but tried again. Once again, this pillow felt as hard as my comfy-looking couch so I tossed it onto the floor and jumped on it to try to break it in. 

The new pillow was introduced during the course of my massage treatments. The other side effect of my massage therapy was the down bed pillow that used to work so I could watch TV on the couch stopped working. I was trying everything, so I tried the Ecoden pillow to watch TV. I seemed to need the cardboard-like support, while lying down on the couch to support my increasingly heavy head. For the moment, this provides me enough comfort to fall asleep while watching TV.

My x-ray results say "mild multilevel disc space narrowing with marginal osteophytes are seen throughout the cervical spine, compatible with degenerative changes".

All I can say is, if this is aging, I'm done with it. 

I call what I have a "low grade discomfort". I know I'm fortunate. So many others have mid to high grade pain all or most of the time, with relief that most likely feels like low grade discomfort at best. My discomfort is focused on one small area of my entire body. It could be so much worse.

My diagnosis is - I have TV neck. Kind of like tennis elbow - TV neck is a repetitive injury caused by overuse of the same joint over an extended period of time.

For the short term, I'm going to fall back on pain killers to give my poor old neck a break. For the longer term, I will try to cut back on the TV watching and combine that with some light stretches.

The end.

P.S. My friend, who spent enough time here to actually sit back and relax on my comfy-looking-couch is about my height, and she found exactly the same "pull" I described when she sat back on the couch. See?? It IS the couch's fault!! 

Blanketed in Friendship

We met by chance, became (and remained) friends by choice. These are the people I spent time with this past weekend.

They navigated life, snow and made time for a little "retreat" at my little oasis of a home. And it was good.

My hosting muscle is weak and out of shape. A weekend with friends reminded me "I can do this!" and strengthened my ability to live a step outside my comfort zone.

In an attempt to clear the clutter of my mind, I had a list of things-to-do before my guests arrived. I was down to the final hour before their anticipated arrival time. I knew time was running short so I asked myself, "What would you rather them catch you doing when they arrive? Vacuuming? Or snow shoveling?" Shoveling won.

My home was clean (enough), meals were prepared and I had just finished clearing enough snow for my guests to park, get out and around their vehicle when they arrived.

Then the magic began.

There is comfort in being around those who know you well and the feeling of knowing them well too. Shared history creates a solid foundation for a weekend visit. 

There was comfort, laughter, food, comradery, encouragement, more laughter and more food. We tested out our sea legs at the mineral spa. We enjoyed the music of an artist we know through someone we had all worked with. 

Our weekend was blanketed not only in the fresh-fallen snow. but in the comfort and ease of friendship that has spanned over the course of the past 35 years. 

It was a weekend worth the effort of clearing the path for whatever the next 26 hours had in store.

Guest Ready

Preparing for guests is truly a gift to myself. I do little other than ensure bedding, bathrooms and the house in general is fresh, clean and tidied up. Oh, and food. Prepare food. Simple, easy to serve sustenance. I do these things for myself but, more often than not, not all at the same time.

There is a potential I may have overnight guests. The possibility is there but certainty evades me at the moment (darn snow!!).

Thus, I climbed out of bed and directly into a forward momentum this morning. Washing sheets and a load of darks is well underway. I have two beds (out of three) guest-ready.

Meat is thawed for a make-ahead slow cooker meal. That will simmer as I clean bathrooms, dust and vacuum. I may get some soup simmering too.

If my guests opt to come today, I must shovel out a spot on the driveway for them (darn snow!!).

No matter what happens, I am truly the benefactor of this motivational push. I deserve clean sheets, bathrooms & house as much as anyone. I will reap the benefits of having some meals made ahead. It is a win-win situation.

Will clear snow for guests ... personally, "I know a guy (company) with a Bobcat" and I'll wait.

Snow

Snow, snow

Disappear!

Come again another year...

Yesterday morning:

This morning:

Tunneling out (one last time?)

 

That's all.

Staying Home is the Place for Me

 It is my favorite day. A week day off work, with no place I need to be. This is my definition of a Perfect Day.

Working outside my home has taken a toll. First and foremost is leaving the house. Then there has been the learning curve. Add "being on" for 8 hours a day? It's a recipe for exhaustion. Don't get me started about the wardrobe (but here I go anyway). 

Thankfully I have five tops that pass for work attire. 

The staple black pants? I bought a pair for a 90th birthday celebration in 2019. I've gotten my money's worth out of that pair of pants. If I had known the mileage they would get, I would have bought at least two more pair.

The life saver was finding these shoes. Mesh shoe, my orthotics slide right in, slip-on (laces are simply an accessory):

I've worn out a pair; my current pair have lasted the winter and I've got a back up pair in the closet. I honestly believe the shoes were what made all things possible. Socks and bare feet were my previous foot attire. 

I've managed, but the need for a work wardrobe update has been a bridge too far. Rotating my five cool tops has been made easier by adding four winter tops to the mix. Spring is in the air and I wish some magical creature would sneak into my closet and update my wardrobe. I despise clothes shopping.

Man! I really fell off topic. 

The moral to this post is the magic of this day-at-home where I can fall back on my regularly scheduled comfy tops. If only my work wardrobe was so easy ...

My cartoon-character wardrobe with new colors arriving soon!

I do believe we can all learn something from Steve Jobs, who wore the same outfit every day. It reduces decision fatigue and allows one to focus on important tasks at hand.

Point taken. I rest my case.

Tracking

I'm finding my reason behind the tendency to have an online shopping addiction - the ability to track your parcel online. I find this as interesting as watching the plane-tracker apps when someone you know is flying home. I love knowing where things are at. In all senses of the word.

I appreciate being told what number I am in a queue when on hold for an extended period of time.

I would love a "progress bar" showing the % complete in all aspects of life - not just when downloading a computer program. 

It gives one the illusion of having some control in an unpredicable world. 

I found a few different places online to order my favorite-top-in-my-world. I went crazy on the weekend and ordered six different colors from two different sellers. They are on their way:

My perfect world would consist of a closet full of identical clothes, with a hair style I like being frozen in time, like that of a cartoon character, with a progress bar showing where I am in the timeline of my life.

I like knowing where things are at, I like the feeling of wearing comfortable, crisp new clothes, I love responding "Same, same and same" when someone is updating my customer information. 

Little things. I like when life-as-I-know-it feels like a well worn rut that is comfortable and known. Even better? I love knowing my favorite tops will arrive by April 1st!! I have places to be and people to see on April 4th. You can bet your last dollar I will be showing up in my cartoon character's attire. Same, same, same.

Now ... if only I could find that cartoon character's hair stylist.

Life After Dark

As my pen wandered the page and sifted through my thoughts as I wrote my Morning Pages, it finally landed on a goal - simply stay awake after supper.

I have had jobs which have worn me down, starting in 2011. 

It all began with a Nightmare Boss (or two or three). I suppose that was the worst of times. But it sure set me up for the years that followed.

The common denominator was the onset of turning on the TV and tuning out my thoughts after supper. Add utter mental fatigue to the equation and the only way I could stay awake after supper was to turn to chips. 

Chips and TV have been my coping mechanisms for almost fifteen years. The past year I have adapted to falling asleep in front of the TV directly after supper. I've forfeited chips in lieu of a bedtime as early as 6:30, probably averaging somewhere around 7:00 - 7:15 pm.

This morning, I decided I can do ONE thing to start the evolution of change. Devote ONE hour after work to some task. Be it big or small. Maybe even a walk. Just ONE hour. I can eat at 6:00 instead of 5:00. That should delay my bedtime to somewhere around 7:30 to 8:00.

ONE small change. Just ONE. 

Can I still embrace my ritual of climbing directly into my pajamas after work? Until my ONE task becomes something I am doing outside, the answer is "yes". 

Climbing into my pj's is like a warm embrace at the end of a long day. I have exchanged chips for pajamas. Don't get me wrong. I still turn to chips if I want to stay up past 7:00. But I'm not filling a void with chips the way I did once upon a time. I am wearing out my favorite pajama pants though.

Due to the fact our day light hours are increasing, I don't know if I can begin to actually have a life after dark until sometime in the fall. But I can add one more hour to my days by simply doing "one hard thing" after work. 

  Living my best life - Netflix & Chips