I was asked to help put together an article on dancing for "WHOLifE - Wholeness and Wellness Journal" this past week. As I was talking to the lady from our dance studio who helped to arrange this article to promote awareness on the many benefits of dancing (and a little advertising), she said to me, "I didn't know you were good at writing!" I just laughed and replied, "Well, I don't know if I'm good at it or not ... but I enjoy it."
It was after these words had time to settle, that I realized that dancing and writing are almost synonymous to me. Both activities breathe life into my soul. The only difference? I can write for free ... and alone.
And so began this blog.
No matter what surprises my budget throws my way, I can write. I can write any time I wish or not at all. There are no demands on my writing skills. I haven't taken classes (though heaven knows that I should) because perfecting the art of writing is not what I'm after right now. It would take away the spontaneity.
Writing and dancing are both therapeutic. They provide an outlet for whatever may be going on within.
Dancing provides many opportunities for laughter - laughter releases stress, strengthens the stomach muscles and releases toxins from the body. Dancing provides human contact, moving to the beat of the music and letting my feet & body do the talking.
Writing provides an outlet for whatever may be going on within. Sometimes I have no idea what my fingers will come up with when I sit down in front of an empty computer screen. There is a subconscious connection from my brain to my fingers. Sometimes I even surprise myself.
I profess to be nothing more than I am.
I am a person who enjoys dancing because it is fun. I like to to challenge myself - combining something that I love with learning has proven to be a mood booster for me. Becoming 'the best' is not what I'm after. I'm content with being the best that I can be.
I write for very similar reasons. I don't need to be a professional writer. I'm content with being a real life person who has stories and thoughts that others can relate to. The biggest compliment that I can receive is when someone reads something that I write and says "I feel exactly the same way!" If I can write something that makes someone 'feel' anything ... my work here is done.
It is rewarding for me when someone can benefit from something that I enjoy doing.
Am I good at writing &/or dancing? Good enough, I suppose. I write and dance because they are CPR for my soul. My only hope is that the enjoyment factor shines through. That defines success to me.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Let the Sun Shine In
The lack of routine in my life is playing havoc with my house and yard keeping.
'Friday chores' seem to be a thing of the past. I forget to water the plants. We can leave messages in the dust. 'Tumbleweeds' of hair need to amass before I remember to vacuum the laminate flooring. Vacuuming is a thing of the past (I wore out the vacuum cleaner anyway).
Recent conversation after my Second Son dropped some food on the kitchen floor:
Son: "When is the last time the floor was washed?"
Me: "... umm ... sometime in June? But I swept it today."
Son: "Good enough." (as he gobbled up the dropped food item)
I never did get around to washing windows this year. I had a rare case of ambition for a while in June (when the kitchen floor did get washed), but the ambition was replaced by holidays and transition into my 'new life' and I just don't have things mapped out in my days yet.
I don't even 'see' the yard any more. The first time that I seem to remember that the lawn may need to be mowed is when I hear the sound of our lawn mower driving past the window that I'm working beside.
I'm grateful my son has taken the lead when it comes to the outdoor chores, but now that his work load is picking up I may need to get out and mow the grass myself. Heaven knows, I could use the fresh air, sunshine and exercise.
I need to create some routine into my days. I feel like I'm treading water here. Just keeping myself above the surface, with a great deal of effort.
I think that I may set aside some time to simply clean the house this weekend (and perhaps I will even wash the kitchen floor). Then I will go outside and pick some weeds and mow the grass.
I need a little Vitamin D that comes in the form of a sunbeam. It's time to clean those windows and let the sun shine in!
'Friday chores' seem to be a thing of the past. I forget to water the plants. We can leave messages in the dust. 'Tumbleweeds' of hair need to amass before I remember to vacuum the laminate flooring. Vacuuming is a thing of the past (I wore out the vacuum cleaner anyway).
Recent conversation after my Second Son dropped some food on the kitchen floor:
Son: "When is the last time the floor was washed?"
Me: "... umm ... sometime in June? But I swept it today."
Son: "Good enough." (as he gobbled up the dropped food item)
I never did get around to washing windows this year. I had a rare case of ambition for a while in June (when the kitchen floor did get washed), but the ambition was replaced by holidays and transition into my 'new life' and I just don't have things mapped out in my days yet.
I don't even 'see' the yard any more. The first time that I seem to remember that the lawn may need to be mowed is when I hear the sound of our lawn mower driving past the window that I'm working beside.
I'm grateful my son has taken the lead when it comes to the outdoor chores, but now that his work load is picking up I may need to get out and mow the grass myself. Heaven knows, I could use the fresh air, sunshine and exercise.
I need to create some routine into my days. I feel like I'm treading water here. Just keeping myself above the surface, with a great deal of effort.
I think that I may set aside some time to simply clean the house this weekend (and perhaps I will even wash the kitchen floor). Then I will go outside and pick some weeds and mow the grass.
I need a little Vitamin D that comes in the form of a sunbeam. It's time to clean those windows and let the sun shine in!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I Love Being Single
As I crawled into my bed at midnight (again) last night and sprawled myself diagonally over the top half of my bed (as I do every single night), I thought to myself, "I love being single!"
In this past work-crazed week, I have been logging 9 - 12 hour days. I have no excess energy to take care of anyone else but myself. I don't feel like talking (!??!) and I've been kind of (very) prickly to live with. I'm so glad that I don't have to 'be' anything to anyone else this week.
I can live a very go-with-the-flow kind of life. And I like it like that. Spur of the moment decisions, holiday plans and destinations that fit 'me', time for friends and family and in the quiet moments left over ... I can read a book or nod off or spend hours puttering away at the computer. I need 'quiet' time to recharge my batteries. And when I am on my own, I have just the right amount of time for that.
Raising kids - some people feel that single parenting is hard. I tend to disagree. Although I know that my children could have benefited from being raised with a second parent who had a different spin on life, there are many advantages to being a sole parent. Discipline, routines and expectations are not challenged by a second party. In my case, I have found it easier to raise my children on my own. My kids may have their own opinions, but this style of parenting (though not my first choice) has not been a hardship.
When I have gone to a social function as a single, I have been grateful that I'm not concerned about whether or not my partner is enjoying themselves. I have walked into (what used to be terrifying and to-be-avoided-at-all-costs) situations in my newest round of single hood and conquered my old fears. I have a renewed sense of confidence and fun because I am only concerned with 'me' in a social situation. It has been surprisingly easy.
Budgeting is another task that is easier when one person dictates the household economy. Whether it is a severe cutback or an ease on spending ... when the finances aren't strained by alternate priorities and styles of spending, it is not the same challenge. I can buy dance lessons instead of groceries if I want to, and I don't have anyone second guessing me!
Some people in my shoes may look towards the future and see an empty house and a hole in their life. I look ahead and I see a Bed and Breakfast being 'full to capacity'.
I look forward and anticipate whatever may come my way. As I continue to live my life as I do, if I should happen to meet someone who makes my knees shake, I may find that the exact opposite of all of the above is true. Because for each and every point that I made, there is a flip side - an empty bed at night; I could work half as much if I had a partner to share the financial responsibilities; the comfort of going to a social gathering as part of a couple; shared holiday time with a partner; someone to help with the parental responsibilities and worries; and looking towards the future knowing that you have someone to hold your hand along the way.
There are no guarantees. I thought I knew what my future held in store. But I was wrong. I had the rug pulled out from under me, but that was necessary for me to 'find my wings' and realize that ''all that I needed, was there along'' as the lyrics from my new favorite song - ('The Time of My Life ' by David Cook) state so eloquently.
Yes. I'm having the time of my life. I don't need someone else in my life to 'complete me'. I am a complete and vital person on my own.
Until I find a man who equally enjoys sprawling himself diagonally over the bottom half of the bed, I'm simply enjoying the 'state of being single'!
In this past work-crazed week, I have been logging 9 - 12 hour days. I have no excess energy to take care of anyone else but myself. I don't feel like talking (!??!) and I've been kind of (very) prickly to live with. I'm so glad that I don't have to 'be' anything to anyone else this week.
I can live a very go-with-the-flow kind of life. And I like it like that. Spur of the moment decisions, holiday plans and destinations that fit 'me', time for friends and family and in the quiet moments left over ... I can read a book or nod off or spend hours puttering away at the computer. I need 'quiet' time to recharge my batteries. And when I am on my own, I have just the right amount of time for that.
Raising kids - some people feel that single parenting is hard. I tend to disagree. Although I know that my children could have benefited from being raised with a second parent who had a different spin on life, there are many advantages to being a sole parent. Discipline, routines and expectations are not challenged by a second party. In my case, I have found it easier to raise my children on my own. My kids may have their own opinions, but this style of parenting (though not my first choice) has not been a hardship.
When I have gone to a social function as a single, I have been grateful that I'm not concerned about whether or not my partner is enjoying themselves. I have walked into (what used to be terrifying and to-be-avoided-at-all-costs) situations in my newest round of single hood and conquered my old fears. I have a renewed sense of confidence and fun because I am only concerned with 'me' in a social situation. It has been surprisingly easy.
Budgeting is another task that is easier when one person dictates the household economy. Whether it is a severe cutback or an ease on spending ... when the finances aren't strained by alternate priorities and styles of spending, it is not the same challenge. I can buy dance lessons instead of groceries if I want to, and I don't have anyone second guessing me!
Some people in my shoes may look towards the future and see an empty house and a hole in their life. I look ahead and I see a Bed and Breakfast being 'full to capacity'.
I look forward and anticipate whatever may come my way. As I continue to live my life as I do, if I should happen to meet someone who makes my knees shake, I may find that the exact opposite of all of the above is true. Because for each and every point that I made, there is a flip side - an empty bed at night; I could work half as much if I had a partner to share the financial responsibilities; the comfort of going to a social gathering as part of a couple; shared holiday time with a partner; someone to help with the parental responsibilities and worries; and looking towards the future knowing that you have someone to hold your hand along the way.
There are no guarantees. I thought I knew what my future held in store. But I was wrong. I had the rug pulled out from under me, but that was necessary for me to 'find my wings' and realize that ''all that I needed, was there along'' as the lyrics from my new favorite song - ('The Time of My Life ' by David Cook) state so eloquently.
Yes. I'm having the time of my life. I don't need someone else in my life to 'complete me'. I am a complete and vital person on my own.
Until I find a man who equally enjoys sprawling himself diagonally over the bottom half of the bed, I'm simply enjoying the 'state of being single'!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Real Life
This 'all work and no play' is taking the fun out of life.
I was just plain cranky on Sunday. I needed to work. Not because the work couldn't have waited a day, but because I seriously needed to log some work hours. I need a pay cheque that covers more than our grocery bill.
I stopped to put supper on the table for our family but it was the most tasteless, bland meal that I've ever made. In a word? Blech.
Conversation didn't flow. We went our separate ways soon after supper and I returned to my work. Sunday is my favorite day of the week. Not this past Sunday!
Then came Monday. I logged 4 1/2 hours at my typing job, grabbed McDonald's for lunch (I deserved a break that day!), read for a while and even closed my eyes. Then I was back to the grind and logged 7 1/2 hours at my bookkeeping. But at least it was Monday. You expect to work on a Monday.
Yesterday was a day that didn't go as planned but I got a lot done in spite of the fact. I got a very, very tedious bookkeeping job started and finished within a 10 hour time span. That felt so good that I actually woke up with energy this morning.
But it was the mail that sent me on an inner rant yesterday. I got my documents from Student Loans because I finished school early.
I was tentatively excited when I opened the first envelope to read "We are pleased to advise you that you have been approved for the following grants/bursaries ..." Then I opened the next envelope which contained information on my loan reassessment. That one brought me down to earth.
In a nutshell, there was little to no advantage of finishing off school two months early. I see no benefit thus far, to achieving the marks I received. I worked hard, I did my best, I treated school as I would treat a job ... and the reward? I lost $525 of the student loan grant that I had previously qualified for ... I received an 'overpayment' of $1,378 (thankfully this will repaid over the lifetime of my student loan and they don't expect a cheque in the mail) ... but at least I won't owe an extra $631 (which would have been my August 1 living allowance). In a nutshell, I came out of this owing $106 less than I would have, had I taken the extra 2 months to complete my schooling.
To top that off, I have lost three sources of income this month. To be replaced with a job where I logged 60 hours of work in a three week time frame due to a lack of work available. A job where I have no guarantees, no control over the work flow, no 'room' to flex my organizational skills to make my job easier.
I did everything right! There has to be some kind of cosmic payback for this. But it isn't apparent at the moment. It will come. It always does.
But at this very moment? I am just a little disillusioned ...
I was just plain cranky on Sunday. I needed to work. Not because the work couldn't have waited a day, but because I seriously needed to log some work hours. I need a pay cheque that covers more than our grocery bill.
I stopped to put supper on the table for our family but it was the most tasteless, bland meal that I've ever made. In a word? Blech.
Conversation didn't flow. We went our separate ways soon after supper and I returned to my work. Sunday is my favorite day of the week. Not this past Sunday!
Then came Monday. I logged 4 1/2 hours at my typing job, grabbed McDonald's for lunch (I deserved a break that day!), read for a while and even closed my eyes. Then I was back to the grind and logged 7 1/2 hours at my bookkeeping. But at least it was Monday. You expect to work on a Monday.
Yesterday was a day that didn't go as planned but I got a lot done in spite of the fact. I got a very, very tedious bookkeeping job started and finished within a 10 hour time span. That felt so good that I actually woke up with energy this morning.
But it was the mail that sent me on an inner rant yesterday. I got my documents from Student Loans because I finished school early.
I was tentatively excited when I opened the first envelope to read "We are pleased to advise you that you have been approved for the following grants/bursaries ..." Then I opened the next envelope which contained information on my loan reassessment. That one brought me down to earth.
In a nutshell, there was little to no advantage of finishing off school two months early. I see no benefit thus far, to achieving the marks I received. I worked hard, I did my best, I treated school as I would treat a job ... and the reward? I lost $525 of the student loan grant that I had previously qualified for ... I received an 'overpayment' of $1,378 (thankfully this will repaid over the lifetime of my student loan and they don't expect a cheque in the mail) ... but at least I won't owe an extra $631 (which would have been my August 1 living allowance). In a nutshell, I came out of this owing $106 less than I would have, had I taken the extra 2 months to complete my schooling.
To top that off, I have lost three sources of income this month. To be replaced with a job where I logged 60 hours of work in a three week time frame due to a lack of work available. A job where I have no guarantees, no control over the work flow, no 'room' to flex my organizational skills to make my job easier.
I did everything right! There has to be some kind of cosmic payback for this. But it isn't apparent at the moment. It will come. It always does.
But at this very moment? I am just a little disillusioned ...
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Things I Don't Want on My Headstone
I woke up this morning knowing what I had to accomplish today. Work. Lots of it. And ... I have to wash my hair, take time for a dance lesson and we need milk. I don't think there will be enough hours in the day to log all the work-hours that I have set out for myself in an effort to pay the bills this month.
I was mulling on this when I had the thought "This would be a crappy week to die" cross my mind. A week where work ruled my life would be a bad way to go. My headstone would read "No time for fun ... but at least she paid her bills."
There was another point in my life where I had a similar epiphany. I must have just watched an Oprah episode where grown children were reflecting on their lives and the special memories that their parents made with them along the way. I looked at my life with my children and wondered what thought provoking words they would have engraved on my headstone that reflected on our family memories. All I could come up with was: "She kept a clean house."
I've lived a much more fulfilling life in between then and now. When reflecting on the memories I would be leaving behind, I've been much more content.
But it is a pivotal moment for me, when I look at the words that could summarize my life-at-the-moment and decide "Is this the legacy I want to leave behind?"
I don't want work to rule my life. I want my life to rule my work. And when I do have 'weeks like these' where (by necessity), work does rule my day ... it is my hope to have moments worth remembering, even when I'm knee deep in the reality of paying the bills.
"We do not remember days; we remember moments. ~Cesare Pavese, The Burning Brand"
I was mulling on this when I had the thought "This would be a crappy week to die" cross my mind. A week where work ruled my life would be a bad way to go. My headstone would read "No time for fun ... but at least she paid her bills."
There was another point in my life where I had a similar epiphany. I must have just watched an Oprah episode where grown children were reflecting on their lives and the special memories that their parents made with them along the way. I looked at my life with my children and wondered what thought provoking words they would have engraved on my headstone that reflected on our family memories. All I could come up with was: "She kept a clean house."
I've lived a much more fulfilling life in between then and now. When reflecting on the memories I would be leaving behind, I've been much more content.
But it is a pivotal moment for me, when I look at the words that could summarize my life-at-the-moment and decide "Is this the legacy I want to leave behind?"
I don't want work to rule my life. I want my life to rule my work. And when I do have 'weeks like these' where (by necessity), work does rule my day ... it is my hope to have moments worth remembering, even when I'm knee deep in the reality of paying the bills.
"We do not remember days; we remember moments. ~Cesare Pavese, The Burning Brand"
Monday, July 26, 2010
Because We Went to a Bad Movie ...
Life is interesting when you look at it 'backwards'. Due to an interesting sequence of events, we had a most excellent Saturday. And this is how it all started:
Last week, My Youngest and I went to see a movie. A very bad movie. But because we left the house, we ended up following a bus. A bus that had an ad for some restaurant that was known for its breakfast food. There was a picture of pancakes, sausage, bacon and eggs as big as life right before us. My Youngest immediately suggested that we should go out for breakfast one day.
Fast forward to Saturday morning. I stayed in bed a little longer than I usually do and in my wakeful moments of tossing and turning, I opened my eyes to see My Youngest looking in to see if I happened to be awake. The second time our eyes connected, he took advantage and asked, "Can we go out for breakfast?"
And we did.
Now ... because we went out for breakfast, I missed a call that would have provided me some much needed work. I could have went in to work Saturday morning, logged a few hours and come home to work at my bookkeeping in the afternoon.
So, I went about my day and eventually started working at my bookkeeping later on in the morning.
Because I missed that call, I was home when my sister called. They were in the city and asked if we would be interested in meeting up so that we could drive out together and see my Second Son's farm acquisition.
We met later in the afternoon and we had a most enjoyable visit out at The Farm. We got to see and enjoy the benefits of their new motor home. We visited, we forgot to 'leave' their home so that they could carry on with their holiday and my sister and her husband made supper for us in their home-on-wheels.
It was a perfect day.
We didn't get home until 10:00 that night and I immediately went to check the messages (my mom had promised to call me back that night to see how our visit went). And what was the first message that I heard? My 'second employer' ... a call that was made at 8:47 that morning. While My Youngest and I were out. I didn't even think to check for messages when we got home.
Immediately I felt awful for missing the opportunity to work and earn a little extra cash. I was bemoaning the fact when my Second Son replied, "If you would have went to work today, we wouldn't have gone out to the farm with Your Sister".
He was right. Because of a fluke of fate, the day turned out just the way it was meant to be. I couldn't have planned a better day.
And it all started because we went to see a bad movie.
Last week, My Youngest and I went to see a movie. A very bad movie. But because we left the house, we ended up following a bus. A bus that had an ad for some restaurant that was known for its breakfast food. There was a picture of pancakes, sausage, bacon and eggs as big as life right before us. My Youngest immediately suggested that we should go out for breakfast one day.
Fast forward to Saturday morning. I stayed in bed a little longer than I usually do and in my wakeful moments of tossing and turning, I opened my eyes to see My Youngest looking in to see if I happened to be awake. The second time our eyes connected, he took advantage and asked, "Can we go out for breakfast?"
And we did.
Now ... because we went out for breakfast, I missed a call that would have provided me some much needed work. I could have went in to work Saturday morning, logged a few hours and come home to work at my bookkeeping in the afternoon.
So, I went about my day and eventually started working at my bookkeeping later on in the morning.
Because I missed that call, I was home when my sister called. They were in the city and asked if we would be interested in meeting up so that we could drive out together and see my Second Son's farm acquisition.
We met later in the afternoon and we had a most enjoyable visit out at The Farm. We got to see and enjoy the benefits of their new motor home. We visited, we forgot to 'leave' their home so that they could carry on with their holiday and my sister and her husband made supper for us in their home-on-wheels.
It was a perfect day.
We didn't get home until 10:00 that night and I immediately went to check the messages (my mom had promised to call me back that night to see how our visit went). And what was the first message that I heard? My 'second employer' ... a call that was made at 8:47 that morning. While My Youngest and I were out. I didn't even think to check for messages when we got home.
Immediately I felt awful for missing the opportunity to work and earn a little extra cash. I was bemoaning the fact when my Second Son replied, "If you would have went to work today, we wouldn't have gone out to the farm with Your Sister".
He was right. Because of a fluke of fate, the day turned out just the way it was meant to be. I couldn't have planned a better day.
And it all started because we went to see a bad movie.
A Prequel to "Because We Went to a Bad Movie"
This is a little 'poem' I wrote one Christmas which illustrates once again, how one small incident can set the wheels in motion for things you could never predict:
Because Our Little Cat Scratched
You may not believe it,
but here's how it happened ...
One cold winters day,
our little cat scratched.
Because of that scratch,
we went to the vet.
Because of that vet,
we found our cat had fleas (we assume our dog too).
Because of those fleas,
I vacuumed every nook and cranny.
Because of that vacuuming,
I found black mold in my room.
Because of that mold,
I called the inspector.
Because the inspector got called,
he noticed our windows.
Because he checked out our windows,
he recommended replacement.
Because of his recommendation,
Our new windows got approved.
Because of our new windows,
I started painting.
Because I started painting,
I just couldn't stop.
Because I couldn't stop,
I painted everything outside, on our lot.
Because everything looked so new,
I started inviting.
Because I started inviting
we had many friends and family gather.
Because of those gatherings,
my heart swelled with joy.
And that started something I'll never forget
and as far as I know, it is going on yet.
And that's how it happened,
that's how it all hatched.
Because, just because ...
our little cat scratched.
(P.S. The 'inspector' mentioned is part of a wonderful, wonderful program which has
allowed us to get a lot of water drainage issues (our driveway, for one!), among other things
repaired (see story above).
You may not believe it,
but here's how it happened ...
One cold winters day,
our little cat scratched.
Because of that scratch,
we went to the vet.
Because of that vet,
we found our cat had fleas (we assume our dog too).
Because of those fleas,
I vacuumed every nook and cranny.
Because of that vacuuming,
I found black mold in my room.
Because of that mold,
I called the inspector.
Because the inspector got called,
he noticed our windows.
Because he checked out our windows,
he recommended replacement.
Because of his recommendation,
Our new windows got approved.
Because of our new windows,
I started painting.
Because I started painting,
I just couldn't stop.
Because I couldn't stop,
I painted everything outside, on our lot.
Because everything looked so new,
I started inviting.
Because I started inviting
we had many friends and family gather.
Because of those gatherings,
my heart swelled with joy.
And that started something I'll never forget
and as far as I know, it is going on yet.
And that's how it happened,
that's how it all hatched.
Because, just because ...
our little cat scratched.
(P.S. The 'inspector' mentioned is part of a wonderful, wonderful program which has
allowed us to get a lot of water drainage issues (our driveway, for one!), among other things
repaired (see story above).
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