As I crawled into my bed at midnight (again) last night and sprawled myself diagonally over the top half of my bed (as I do every single night), I thought to myself, "I love being single!"
In this past work-crazed week, I have been logging 9 - 12 hour days. I have no excess energy to take care of anyone else but myself. I don't feel like talking (!??!) and I've been kind of (very) prickly to live with. I'm so glad that I don't have to 'be' anything to anyone else this week.
I can live a very go-with-the-flow kind of life. And I like it like that. Spur of the moment decisions, holiday plans and destinations that fit 'me', time for friends and family and in the quiet moments left over ... I can read a book or nod off or spend hours puttering away at the computer. I need 'quiet' time to recharge my batteries. And when I am on my own, I have just the right amount of time for that.
Raising kids - some people feel that single parenting is hard. I tend to disagree. Although I know that my children could have benefited from being raised with a second parent who had a different spin on life, there are many advantages to being a sole parent. Discipline, routines and expectations are not challenged by a second party. In my case, I have found it easier to raise my children on my own. My kids may have their own opinions, but this style of parenting (though not my first choice) has not been a hardship.
When I have gone to a social function as a single, I have been grateful that I'm not concerned about whether or not my partner is enjoying themselves. I have walked into (what used to be terrifying and to-be-avoided-at-all-costs) situations in my newest round of single hood and conquered my old fears. I have a renewed sense of confidence and fun because I am only concerned with 'me' in a social situation. It has been surprisingly easy.
Budgeting is another task that is easier when one person dictates the household economy. Whether it is a severe cutback or an ease on spending ... when the finances aren't strained by alternate priorities and styles of spending, it is not the same challenge. I can buy dance lessons instead of groceries if I want to, and I don't have anyone second guessing me!
Some people in my shoes may look towards the future and see an empty house and a hole in their life. I look ahead and I see a Bed and Breakfast being 'full to capacity'.
I look forward and anticipate whatever may come my way. As I continue to live my life as I do, if I should happen to meet someone who makes my knees shake, I may find that the exact opposite of all of the above is true. Because for each and every point that I made, there is a flip side - an empty bed at night; I could work half as much if I had a partner to share the financial responsibilities; the comfort of going to a social gathering as part of a couple; shared holiday time with a partner; someone to help with the parental responsibilities and worries; and looking towards the future knowing that you have someone to hold your hand along the way.
There are no guarantees. I thought I knew what my future held in store. But I was wrong. I had the rug pulled out from under me, but that was necessary for me to 'find my wings' and realize that ''all that I needed, was there along'' as the lyrics from my new favorite song - ('The Time of My Life ' by David Cook) state so eloquently.
Yes. I'm having the time of my life. I don't need someone else in my life to 'complete me'. I am a complete and vital person on my own.
Until I find a man who equally enjoys sprawling himself diagonally over the bottom half of the bed, I'm simply enjoying the 'state of being single'!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
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Just wanted to say that I felt just like you when I became single again. Another relationship was so far from my mind. I had been single for a long time before I got married and had kids ( I was 35 when I married) so going back to being single was like going home (although you are never quite single when you have children) My husband has been gradually drifting closer and closer back into our lives without actually moving back in but it is all on my terms. Not sure what the future will bring but I love to sleep on my own!
ReplyDeleteI have had two major relationships in my life. In both cases, we reconciled twice (I laughingly say that I have a "three strikes, you're out" policy). Unfortunately neither relationship was healthy for me (nor my partner, in retrospect) but I had to give each relationship all that I had to give before I was ready to give up hope.
ReplyDeleteI hope that no matter where things go with you and your husband, that you remain true to yourself. That is key.
There are things in life that are far worse than being single. I like knowing that my happiness isn't dependent on anyone but me. So that means I have to take care of myself first.
Good luck with your 'adventure' called life!
Thanks for the advice Colleen. Had some counseling to try and help me find what I really want. The conclusion was, there was no conclusion, that I didn't need to (or was too scared to) decide at the moment. Being single doesn't worry me. One day I think I will just know what is right. You are right about caring for yourself though. Thanks
ReplyDeleteI think it is so important that "being single doesn't worry you". Choices a person makes out of the fear of being alone are sometimes not in one's best interests.
ReplyDeleteRealizing that you were not ready to "decide at the moment" is still a decision. You are very wise to recognize that you aren't ready to rush into some things.
Take care!